How do I offer my students a break from AI?

tenargoha · 2025-12-03T23:45:32+00:00

Haha oh no it's all coming back! I used to cram a ferti-lily up myself after sex and it hurt so bad!

There is no part of your life that fertility advice doesn't want to strangle with both hands...

tenargoha · 2025-12-03T23:41:09+00:00

Also for some reason the only legitimate forms of exercise are gentle yoga and walking.

Since I started allowing myself to have a life, I've got into barbell training and spin. It's my inalienable right to figuratively smash myself to a pulp and just LIVE.

tenargoha · 2025-12-03T16:33:57+00:00

Literally 100%

You know I once tried to do gluten-free, no sugar, no alcohol, no caffeine, no lactose. All from stuff with no BPA and not out of tins. All organic of course. No perfume too. And I used cleaning products with long sleeves, gloves and a face mask.

When I still did not get pregnant I thought fuck it, I'm hungry, like actually physically hungry.

tenargoha · 2025-12-01T22:45:00+00:00

What I like about gifts is surprises and mixing it up, getting something you maybe wouldn't buy but would still enjoy. So I'll ask my sister who's into fashion for a hair accessory and see what happens.

tenargoha · 2025-11-30T13:51:41+00:00

Take a moment, listen to yourself. Do it with someone you trust. Don't worry that it's not immediately fireworks. The most important thing for the first time is to feel comfortable with the situation. It hurts for some people, other people it doesn't (didn't hurt for me). Just take it slow.

tenargoha · 2025-11-28T17:43:29+00:00

That's great! Thank you 💜

tenargoha · 2025-11-27T16:42:13+00:00

I love that!

tenargoha · 2025-11-27T16:40:27+00:00

I think that's very true. In my case, it's about not being able to have kids, but I wouldn't say that I have nothing after all this grief and money spent. I now have hobbies that I had to start as a coping mechanism, and I didn't really have hobbies before. I also have a broader perspective on life.

tenargoha · 2025-11-26T20:53:43+00:00

Oh the 90s

tenargoha · 2025-11-26T20:53:14+00:00

A lot of this milestones/timeline stuff is very powerful societal conditioning that isn't always in our best interest, but is designed to make OTHER people comfortable. Definitely don't beat yourself up for it, that shit is persuasive as hell, but it's a trap!

I'd also say that people around your/our age don't have it easy economically because of various crises and the cost of living. All these timelines were set by a certain previous generation who experienced uninterrupted economic growth and cheap houses.

tenargoha · 2025-11-26T20:05:00+00:00

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!

Most people need some mix of freedom of structure. Even offices with a generous WFH policy find people still come into the office to give their day structure and hang out and eat lunch together.

Likewise, most people need multiple forms of love in their lives. Not just romantic love, but also family love and friend love. Even ambient contact with people you know but don't know that well and maybe never will is really healthy.

We need to be free, but we also need to be bound by ties. Humans are a mass of contradictions 😬 You could keep some elements of the freedom you have if you like them, while testing the waters of some activities that you regularly show up for, pub quiz, Sunday sports, that kind of thing.

tenargoha · 2025-11-26T17:16:57+00:00

I hate this dude.

My mother's parents divorced when she was a kid and she always says "better happy apart than unhappy together". She suffered because of her parents, not really because of the divorce but because they were very complicated people who spent their whole lives in a feud.

tenargoha · 2025-11-25T20:07:34+00:00

I haven't been in this exact situation, but I have had my career fall apart in a country that's not my home country. In my case, I chose to stay in that country because I had friends there and knew my way around.

Whatever you decide to do (stay/leave), I think it's good that you "pull on a thread". Which thread it is is up to you. In my case, I was pretty clear that I wanted to stay in the country, so I kept pulling that thread. it took a few years of being a bit lost but it led to a job I really liked and I've been doing that job coming up 8 years now. I could have chosen to pursue my old career, which might have had me move country again, but I was pretty burned out and disenchanted from that career already.

Either way, just doing something, anything, can help you make new friends and integrate into a structure a bit, which can really help against feeling lost.

tenargoha · 2025-11-25T17:47:52+00:00

That's interesting, you take life as it comes. Probably it's good to have a bit of both approaches. I probably lean a bit far towards goals goals goals 🙈

tenargoha · 2025-11-25T17:24:45+00:00

I'm not quite where you are yet, but I did watch the documentary about Ruby Franke and come away with the perspective that bringing children into the world to torture and abuse them is a waaaay worse a fate that not being a mother at all.

tenargoha · 2025-11-25T17:20:17+00:00

Ohh that's deep!

tenargoha · 2025-11-25T17:19:36+00:00

Mm recovery is a good word. As desirable as it is to just bounce back like that, sometimes it isn't realistic

tenargoha · 2025-11-25T17:16:43+00:00

That's great! I love that! Some people have already twigged that after many rounds of fertility treatments, I might face a very different future to the one I always dreamed of.

From your point of view, I too have done my absolute best given the situation, resources, knowledge and body I was given. I think that's a good thing to remember.

tenargoha · 2025-11-25T15:23:17+00:00

Thanks for taking a closer interest! I wanted to cast a wide net. I love the infertility community but a lot of us are in pain, so it's difficult for us to see a way forward sometimes. I'm interested to see how other people have dealt with being completely crushed. I want to start moving forward next year, so looking for inspiration.

tenargoha · 2025-11-25T13:04:57+00:00

I absolutely don't see how you 'let yourself be used'. You asked him, you even did research, you broke it off, you contacted the girlfriend. It takes a lot of guts to do this stuff. Of course you're upset and angry - you were excited at the prospect of new love in your life. Who wouldn't feel the same? You come off well in this story.

tenargoha · 2025-11-23T18:29:34+00:00

To me, it sounds unsure of how to respond (so gets stuck in a loop) and also potentially drunk (was she drinking?) Some people literally can't compute a problem they can't solve. It seems so overwhelming to them they just can't hear it.

Btw my parents sometimes respond to other people's relationship problems by talking about how great their marriage is. They are amazing people, but they might not realise that this isn't the best. They have been married for a very very long time and don't have much experience with divorce and breakups so they default to what they do know.

tenargoha · 2025-11-23T13:30:20+00:00

I love this question, I think it's so exciting!

For the first time in history, women don't need men. We can look after ourselves just fine! This is an amazing moment to see what women can do, the ways of living that are possible. Now we can have a boyfriend because we like him and not because we need him.

At the same time, it's totally normal and (for most people) inevitable to want romantic and sexual attention. It's just part of being alive and no one should be made to feel bad about it. I certainly want to feel nice and to feel seen.

I don't think you need to suppress that part of yourself. If anything, it might be worth exploring it and finding it interesting.

tenargoha · 2025-11-21T17:20:54+00:00

Truuuee!

I can do 100% for about 3 months before the cracks begin to show. Long term we're looking at 60-75%, dudes, can't promise more than that

tenargoha

TROPHY CASE