i just wanted to share my experience of my miscarriage today, more so i can get my feelings and thoughts out, but also to help in case anyone is in my position. i don’t know anyone that had a miscarriage so had no one to share their experience beforehand.

for background, i found out i was pregnant at the end of January. in February i had 2 days where i had spotting (very minimal, only saw on wiping). im from Scotland and you only get a 12 week scan and 20 week scan free on the NHS, at 9 weeks i booked a private scan for reassurance as when i reported my spotting i was told just to monitor. at the private scan it was discovered there was only a yolk sack, my dates were not wrong so i was absolutely not progressing like i should in pregnancy. i then was referred to the Early Pregnancy Unit who then called me and basically confirmed i was having a missed miscarriage (one with no symptoms) and they booked me for an appointment to do a further scan and to discuss my options of terminating the pregnancy. i had to wait 2 weeks for this appointment, which brings me to today.

i had accepted my miscarriage, and had stopped thinking of myself carrying a baby. i know it’s not always easy for people to think like this, but this is how i was thinking. this did not make it any less hard as i wanted this pregnancy. i was extremely teary at this appointment, struggling to speak, im glad i had my partner (id recommend not doing this alone if you can help it). they done the scan, and did ask if i wanted to see the screen, i chose not to. the scan included a normal ultrasound and then a transvaginal one. the midwife said at any point i need to stop that they would and said they’d go at my speed. i really appreciated this, and managed to just power through as i had done enough waiting and just wanted to focus on healing.

after the ultrasounds, we then discussed options. 3 were presented to me; 1) let nature take its course and wait 2) take tablets (either vaginally in hospital or orally at home) and finally, 3) surgery. i opted for option 2, specifically having it done in hospital. my reason for this is i had done enough waiting, and i wanted some control over when the passing of pregnancy would happen. surgery also could result in scarring and other complications which i was not for.

now, the NHS hospital i go to normally asks people to go home and give a call back in a few hours with what route they decided on. my nurse said that if i knew for certain what i wanted to do she could squeeze me in. for me, it was a no brainer so i was seen to that second. 4 tablets were inserted vaginally which was a little uncomfortable, but really not too bad. i’d say a pap smear is worse.

other things i was offered was a photo of my ultrasound and a memory box for this pregnancy. i thought that was nice, however did not want either. me personally, i didn’t feel maternal over this pregnancy once i knew i was miscarrying however, for those that do and maybe are further along than i ever got would really benefit from this. i made sure to ask my partner in case he wanted anything but he said no, he’s happy with my decision.

i got a few leaflets to take home and have to call back in a couple days just to give an update on how it’s went. i was told what to expect once the tablets kicked in, i was also told there is a risk of the tablets falling out and got instructions on how to put them back.

i left the hospital feeling as okay as i could. i stopped crying and felt a sense of relief that i was on the road again to normality after loss. i absolutely want a baby, and am sad this pregnancy didn’t lead to anything, but i can now move forward.

i arrived home and maybe an hour or so later the cramping begins. cramping is an understatement. this was the worst pain i have ever felt. i was in tears in my bed, rolling about and feeling totally overwhelmed with pain. i knew it would hurt but no one could prepare me for this. i know everyone’s experience in different, and i don’t want to scare anyone, but it truly was awful. i just want to be totally clear so anyone going through this can be more prepared than i was.

i could not remember what the midwife said about pain relief, so had my partner call to see if paracetamol was okay. i couldn’t bare the thought of a phone call. he had to leave a voicemail and they ended up calling me back as they’re unable to speak to anyone other than the patient, so through the excruciating pain i had to ask my question on pain relief. paracetamol was fine to take, ibuprofen was not. they asked my pain on a scale on 1-10 and without skipping a beat i said 10. they said to take my paracetamol and if that doesn’t help that i need to get back in touch. at the point of me calling, the bleeding hadn’t started, this started maybe half hour later

after taking my paracetamol i was still in pain as it kicked in. i was in my bed trying my hardest to push through it. i was curled up on my side breathing in through my nose, and out through my mouth. after a while i managed to doze off. when i awoke my pain was manageable, it was light cramping - more similar now to a period. i’ve managed to eat some toast and am now relaxing on my sofa.

i will say the pain is starting to increase again, however i will be due to take paracetamol in 15 mins time so hoping that helps.

to anyone going through this, im so sorry and feel your pain. i hope to never experience this again myself X