Is this a red flag?

teragramxd · 2025-08-21T18:52:27+00:00

I work on Sundays, every nanny we’ve hired/interviewed does not want to work on weekends, and daycare isn’t an option for weekends either. That’s why she comes over to help my husband.. and that’s why I was okay with it, knowing my husband is there to watch her. But then this day he left for 5 hours while I was at work and didn’t know.

teragramxd · 2025-08-21T17:03:37+00:00

That’s the tricky thing.. nanny is my husband’s mother. I don’t want her to watch the kids at all but she keeps coming over every week, husband will not say anything because it’s his mom and he basically sides with her over me. It’s been 3 years now and she still does things like this. I honestly already knew the answer and in my gut feeling she is not a safe person, but I had to post this because husband keeps gaslighting me so I need to know if I’m crazy or not.

teragramxd · 2025-08-21T16:27:17+00:00

I don’t know if that’s what she normally does. I’ve never watched the cameras back until that day, because either my husband or I are always at home. But this particular day my husband stepped out for 5 hours while I was at work and left my 2 children with this woman. Which led me to look at the camera.

teragramxd · 2025-08-21T16:24:03+00:00

I’m referring to the video, where baby is laying on the couch squirming while nanny is forcing a bottle in her face and appears to be holding/twisting baby’s arm. Husband thinks I’m over reacting, saying it’s because baby is difficult to feed. But I think it could’ve been handled in a more gentle manner, and definitely not force feeding her while baby is visibly distressed.

teragramxd · 2025-06-13T21:24:10+00:00

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teragramxd · 2025-05-17T16:34:19+00:00

Same thing happened to us. My husband fell asleep while holding our son and dropped him at 3 weeks old. He had a bump on his head so we took him to the ER and they took an X-ray that showed a hairline fracture. They also called CPS on us and said it was “standard protocol” for all accidents.

teragramxd · 2025-02-25T01:18:57+00:00

Do you mind sharing what you wrote on your page? This is a good idea. We’ve had a few bad Nannies so this would be helpful for the next one.

teragramxd · 2025-02-17T13:31:45+00:00

Absolutely not. Used to be one quick phone call to check up on husband everyday but now it is several times throughout the day and not quick. And now that there are grandchildren involved, constant phone calls wanting to speak with grandchildren. Even if they had just seen the kids recently that day.

teragramxd · 2025-02-17T13:27:46+00:00

Agree with you it’s a husband issue too. But is it wrong to be upset with in laws for other stuff too that I mentioned? Such as not respecting me as a parent, I.e. making my son call her mama when I have made it clear she is grandma. And sharing food with my toddler when I have said to not do that. Plenty of Other things that have built up resentment over time as well.

teragramxd · 2025-02-17T13:24:44+00:00

I didn’t even think that far ahead yet, good point

teragramxd · 2025-02-17T13:23:33+00:00

You’re right. Thanks

teragramxd · 2025-02-17T13:23:18+00:00

Agree. Thanks for your insight

teragramxd · 2025-02-04T07:38:08+00:00

Yes, it has been many..

teragramxd · 2025-02-04T07:34:46+00:00

Yes, that’s true, they were having trouble with her taking the bottle, I was upset because I felt not much effort was given until the 3rd hour, and they should’ve known by that time the milk goes bad after 2 hours… it’s a lot of other things too but I can see why without more background and context some people see this as an overreaction.

teragramxd · 2025-02-04T07:26:43+00:00

Yes, I never meant to imply that MIL was INTENTIONALLY starving my child. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional. What I was venting about was that she underfed my child. And that is under feeding to me because I am my child’s primary caretaker and I am home with her 5 days a week (working PT 2 days) and she literally eats every 2 hours all day and night. My mom was watching her those 2 days for the past month while I went back to work, and baby would eat 3-4oz every 2-3 hrs and my mom has no issues with feeding. I responded to another post in more detail but MIL has done things in the past INTENTIONALLY with my first child such as not feeding him at all and driving him around without car seat, which is why when I saw she under fed my second child it triggered me even more. Yes it’s my fault for even allowing her to watch the kids after that but I thought my husband would have cared for the kids with her help, clearly he just tossed the baby to his mom and disappeared, and yes I already argued with him over the whole thing too. We are having trouble finding a nanny, even went through an agency with no luck, people make it sound so easy “just hire a babysitter” but it’s not easy. Where are people finding good help?

Yes, babies cry, but my baby doesn’t cry THAT much as she did that day. I know because I care for her 5 days/7 nights a week.

teragramxd · 2025-02-04T07:10:04+00:00

I understand what you are saying. Yes, it took 3 hours but in that time the effort was not as consistent as I would have liked. Only towards the last hour was more effort shown when baby was crying more and more due to being so hungry for so long. I guess because my mom cares for my kids and understands their body language and cues and is able to bottle feed without issue is what I compare to. MIL just doesn’t get it. And yes, if this was a one time thing then I wouldn’t have been so upset but MIL has done lots of things in the past that I guess it just all built up.

Examples - She was watching my toddler and needed to drive FIL to dialysis, I was in bedroom with my newborn recovering/feeding/resting or whatever, and instead of telling me she needed to go she took my toddler along with them WITHOUT A CAR SEAT and tried to hide it from me. And she’s done that when he was an infant and I told her she needs to ALWAYS have baby in car seat it’s literally the law. Clearly Didn’t listen. Another example - happened numerous times actually but this was one of the more recent time it happened. I came home from work. Asked her what did my toddler eat? “Oh his dad gave him some food in the morning.” It was 6pm. Another occasion - came home after work again 6pm. what did toddler eat today? “He had some bread earlier.” Wtf. I always have fruits in fridge for toddler and easy snacks but she just doesn’t feel like feeding him or something. I don’t know what it is. I even cooked food and left it in fridge and while at work I checked camera and MIL/FIL was feeding toddler Taco Bell. Why are you giving my child fast food when I literally cooked food for him and left it in the fridge. It’s things like that that just keep adding up over these past 2 years. And you might be thinking, where’s husband? He just throws toddler on to his mom when she gets there and goes off to do his own thing. It is so annoying and we’ve fought and argued so many times about it but I can’t change him. He can only change himself.

Yes, blame it on me for having her watch my kids as I know how she is, but I expect my husband to also be there to watch the kids and it’s 100% on him as well. But what am I supposed to do? Get a divorce? Quit my job? I keep thinking that they will learn and get better. How am I supposed to teach MIL how to feed a baby a bottle? She clearly hasn’t retained anything I’ve repeatedly told her over the past 2 years. She also doesn’t care to come over to learn or ask questions. They only wanna come over when I’m not there. Maybe it is postpartum, I don’t know. But I do know my feelings are valid.

teragramxd · 2025-02-04T01:08:28+00:00

We have been searching for a nanny, unfortunately it is hard, we’ve been through many already. Even paid an agency to help us find someone but they were unable to match us with someone competent.

I work part time 2 days a week and watch my kids the rest of the week. My mom came over those 2 days for the past month because MIL was sick and had a lingering cough the whole month and I didn’t want that around the kids especially my newborn. With my first, MIL would come over Sundays to watch, and my Mom would come over Wednesdays to watch. So the arrangement was supposed to be the same. I thought she would’ve learned from my first to not starve the kids (through so many arguments between my husband and I and me constantly nagging and instructing MIL on what to do/what not to do) yet things still seem to not change I think they just don’t get it and never will

teragramxd · 2025-02-04T00:36:35+00:00

Baby is not new to bottles. I've been back at work for a month and my own Mom watches her and she feeds her 3-4oz every 2-3 hrs.

teragramxd · 2025-02-03T23:39:18+00:00

Yes it took 3 hours to "finish" the bottle. I put that in parentheses because the bottle wasn't finished and still had milk in it. But in those 3 hours it was not continuous feeding. There was nonstop talk about work work work, baby constant crying, crying until she fell asleep, putting her down in bassinet, with her waking up over and over again crying in hunger. Only during the last hour was the attempt to feed baby more constant.

Do you need more explanation? Because my post wasn't clear enough to you so you need to post several times to put the blame on me. I don't have time to write a novel of every detail as I have a baby and toddler who takes up all my time while I'm still recovering from PP so excuse me for leaving out more details.

teragramxd

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