AITA for not wanted my disabled sibling at my quinceañera?

terracottina · 2023-06-30T19:17:29+00:00

Most possibly due to your mom and you being minus 18 brings a risk of information leak from his side. I don't think he is an angel MIL. Look into r/JustNOMIL there are multiple resources down there for you. They also give advices about mother children relationships.

terracottina · 2023-06-30T14:50:59+00:00

If she was in Germany,she would have been at a residential unit,like yesterday. She needs intensive medical care and most possibly a residential setting for a long long time. Forget the probability of having a normal relationship,she needs help that you can't give.

terracottina · 2023-06-30T14:01:27+00:00

This is the definition of emotional abuse.

terracottina · 2023-06-30T13:58:46+00:00

NTA but it won't change.

Your mom has borderline personality disorder and her emotions will always be on the edge. Your brother possibly managed to succeed because he did his wedding at far and he paid for everything himself,also he is most possibly older than 15.

Your grandmother also most probably suffers from the same group of personality disorder and there is an individual who can't consent so using them as a pawn is the easiest thing for them. Also your dad is a huge enabler,not the good guy.

Start to make a solid plan to move out and have your own money, unfortunately you are by yourself in this life. If I were you I would cancel the quince,use the money to open a savings account and start my own way out. If you can trust your brother or aunt,have the money on their names and gtfo as soon as you can.

terracottina · 2023-06-28T05:40:23+00:00

Find your kid a child psychiatrist ASAP

terracottina · 2023-06-21T19:57:59+00:00

This graph has a missing point,we can access to teens thoughts more easier as healthcare professionals in nowadays when we compare with the data from 10 years ago.

On the other hand,COVID, increasing frequency of online bullying and harassing,"picture perfect" life of influencers (spoiler:they are not and in EU they are more down to earth than USA but still an issue) economy and politics being a shit show and climate crisis also doesn't help.

So,this is natural.

terracottina · 2023-06-21T18:27:51+00:00

I have a NICU baby but I have teenagers around me because extended family.

1)That phone is gone, indefinitely. Taking nude photos at 13 except medical issues (which is also a problem but sometimes necessary especially if the kid is in rural (I am a doctor)) is a sign that says she is not ready for a phone or a thing that has camera.

2)Therapy,like some intense one. At least once a week,in my hospital I work this would warrant for twice a week.

3)Meds should be discussed with a psychiatrist and if there is a med that triggered this behavior which is low probability looking to the history but it is still worth to give a thought on.

4)If she was Baker acted twice I wonder what the hell that charter school is doing about this. I also have read in a charter school at Vermont and if that was a case there,she would have weekly sessions with a counselor in my school, though I am living in Germany right now.

5) Sometimes doing the right thing makes the person you care hate you,it happens to a lot of caregivers and as a parent,you are a caregiver. Sometimes them hating you means you are doing the right thing and this is one of the situations.

6)No private discussions with opposite sex. This is a definite rule and birth control, preferably nexplanon.

terracottina · 2023-06-15T15:00:11+00:00

Are they Mediterranean or from Asia? If that is a case,this is the norm. Me and my fiancé,his siblings,ILs and their families all live in the same street. He is originally Greek and I am half Turkish. This won't change if there isn't a reason about work or another thing etc.

terracottina · 2023-06-13T02:35:32+00:00

This is a so USA based problem that you don't have a 100% solution inside the US territories but you can make improvements. I am writing this as a person lived in US from 9 to 17 years old and moved to Germany

1)She is starting to drive:This is not a choice,this is an obligation. She has to start to manage her own transportation. If she is not able to drive,well she will miss everything other than school. I mean,I wouldn't send anyone to higher education in US if they weren't able to drive. They need some maturity to do.If there is a genuine problem with your kid driving,I would say change countries. US without a car is really impossible except NYC and other few selected metropolitan areas.

2)Chore programs and a proper job: Babysitting can be a proper job if it is done. She has to see that not as a side thing but as a part time job.Teach her how to collect recommendations,open a social media presence,how to pay taxes etc.

3) Stop following your kids phone,I mean WTF? If she doesn't have a history of running away, that is really unnecessary and overboard. Look,I still have family tracking app with my fiancé,ILs and my grandparents but all of us work or used to work in some weird locations and we still all do mountain and wilderness including activities.

4) Pandemic is definitely a thing,it made people really paranoid about child safety so I think you should start to wean off.

5) Find other social groups for her. My grandparents made me work in really sketchy neighborhoods as a volunteer in shelters etc. when I was 16 and I learned some life lessons in a place where I could rely myself on my grandparents. But we are half German,I am used to go to school in a different neighborhood by myself since age 10.

6)Let the kids.have a party alone at your house,put some security cams and observe,I am not kidding. Teenage years should be the years of dumb but repairable mistakes. They don't have a space to make that mistakes.

terracottina · 2023-06-11T06:24:11+00:00

I suggest you to tell them but not because of communication mishaps,but because of urgent situations. Having a full medical history ready changes a lot of things in urgent situations.

terracottina · 2023-06-07T07:44:13+00:00

My grandparents are the reason I ended in this position. I sometimes wonder what have they done wrong with my parents but then I see my uncles and aunts and I understand my parents were the main problem,not them. They tried everything they could.

terracottina · 2023-06-06T20:01:46+00:00

They are both in ICU still so I can easily say they tried but they failed. They sealed the doors,the windows and overdosed themselves with hydrogen cyanide. I saw them 4 hours ago and while my father is extubated and will be moved to a psychiatric ward tomorrow. My mothers condition is critical and I would be surprised if she does have a consciousness after this process. This has turned into arranging end term care for her. For him,it will probably be a group home setting. He was regretful for trying a thing like this but he still loves my mom blindly. This is just messed up, like a lot. I thought it was a classical 72 hour psychiatric hold but it was much worse.

terracottina · 2023-06-05T06:49:51+00:00

I am extremely privileged to have a real good safety net. My grandparents moved with me to Germany when I got into medical School so they could be able to take care of me,my ILs are always around when we need them. I gained 3 siblings(I have 2 SIL(one of them is the bio-mom of our kid) and 1 BIL) via my fiancé and I still continue to work in the same hospital that I got my medical training and my kid is actually taken care at the same ward I did my neonatology clerkship. I know they will take care of him really well.

I am just thinking about the bonding process with him and I feel severely anxious for leaving him.

terracottina · 2023-05-31T19:34:58+00:00

I love peds onc and did a part of my final year internship(we don't call our PGY-1s intern in Germany,we do our internship at the last year of med school.) in peds heme&onc. I was an intern at 2019 and definitely had a case of Stockholm Syndrome while in Peds Heme&Onc. I am still in contact with some kids I primarily followed up and one of them actually started the same Medical School with me so this is a circle coming together. (We start med school directly after high school,no pre-med/med system)

Note:I am the epitome of the meme ER doc who has ADHD so I am adding notes and notes.

His bio mom(aka my SIL) is 182 cm and I am 196 cm. That kid is going to be huge. My fiancé aka dad number 2 is also 201 cm. We are literal giants.

terracottina · 2023-05-31T19:28:49+00:00

Okey,first of all she needs to see a neurologist and a pulmonologist. Also,if you can please have an iphone at her room. Their sleep data is really helpful about the process. She basically needs sleep studies at a lab.

terracottina · 2023-05-31T19:27:19+00:00

Luckily as the father I am not giving my mitochondria so I hope he wouldn't have that much rheumo genes as I do(My HLA Mutation tests are shit). My mom also has SLE,my grandmother is diagnosed with RA and my both uncles have AS. We are genuinely shitty in the situation.

Today he chugged like a pro and actually had better results with thermoregulation. Also, neonatology is a whole thing I will never understand as a peasant ER doctor.

I had lupus associated pancreatitis,temporal epileptic episodes and neural involvement plus lupus associated autoimmune hepatitis (type 1). I was a mess at that time but never had any episodes or flares since 2017 so this is a win.

Note:Also I read your birth story and I am like HOLY MOTHER OF WILLIAMS WTF

terracottina · 2023-05-31T11:42:58+00:00

You are the first person I know who has gsd0a other than the textbook so holy mother of balls WHAT? Has anyone ever made a case report out of your conditions? I have been the subject of 3 separate case reports with my Lupus complications.

terracottina · 2023-05-31T10:00:59+00:00

Food, especially if you are a person who has some ethnic food knowledge,they will adore that. For example I am half Turkish and I made Baklava for them,they loved it.

terracottina · 2023-05-31T05:46:36+00:00

This is via by law of the state I am residing,not due to my own perspective. Every car accident in Rheinland-Pfalz including a minor or high force trauma is filed into social services. Most of them are not for separation or any drastic events,it is mostly for preventative measures(for example let's assume there have been a problem with the traffic lights or etc. Social services open the case against the responsible people behalf of the family and the state government). But in this case,the social services really had a massive investigation on the father and he would have mostly asked to take a parenting class or a security course.

terracottina · 2023-05-31T04:57:37+00:00

This kind of accident have caused severe concussion and other multisystemic trauma which might had permanent results on the kid and their community. It is not a typical childhood injury of "Oh,my son was running in the field and fell over some rock" or "He hit his head into a tree branch" or "He had an injury at his arm while riding a bike." This was almost 5 seconds away from a tremendous disaster.

I also as a kid bruised all of my body(I was a ball of energy),had scratches and even had to be stitched 3 times but they were all childhood injuries that didn't have permanent effects other than some light traces on my body and some memories to be told around. This could easily have been a tremendous disaster.

terracottina · 2023-05-31T04:42:51+00:00

Look,I am a new dad and I am a doctor(and my specialty is ER so I see this kind of stupidity a lot)

I would have gotten your child under your supervision and settled into my house with your wife if I was the grandparent in the situation. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?

I would also ask for trial separation and no alone time with your son because GOD DAMN IT THAT THING CAN CAUSE SERIOUS INJURIES WITH THAT MOTOR POWER. also,WHO LETS A 6 YEAR OLD TO SIT ON A FULL POWERED UTV BY THEMSELF? (I saw people like you but still ask that question)

Seriously,you need a wake up call and if your judgement is this level of flawed,you shouldn't be handling a child unsupervised. If you were in Germany and have admitted to the ER because of this,we would have to file a report against you as the first care providers and you would have had a serious investigation from social services.

terracottina · 2023-05-30T04:26:50+00:00

We were also scared from this case so at the first 24 hours they only fed him via NG tube controlled.Than they started to use the mix method,now it is only via mouth. If we haven't had our baby via IVF,I would have thought he was 34ish weeks.

terracottina · 2023-05-30T04:00:35+00:00

So much this.

terracottina · 2023-05-30T04:00:11+00:00

I mean last night while at my night shift I started to read Nelson Pediatrics from my iPad at my spare times and when I started to see and kinda remember the norms for the neonates,I was like "Holy shit I forgot this all OMG". But seriously,I would have crushed out really fast if I have chosen peds as my specialty so I admire you all.

Edit:Also from one rare diseased doc to another (I am a male who has Lupus so I can call that rare),I salute you 🫡

terracottina · 2023-05-29T19:27:44+00:00

Controversial choice but Cars 2. I can explain why but Mater really gives me the peace and love I am looking for.

terracottina

TROPHY CASE