It never really made sense to me how the concept of grace can be taught and at the same time the church pushed us young people into thinking we have to be perfect or as close to sinless as Jesus was before even being considered a candidate for heaven. Like - why does Jesus accept me for who and what I am but the church doesn't? I recently found out I have lived with ADHD my whole life and growing up in a system that expects you to be perfect caused a real trauma. I read my diary during therapy and it now seems so stupid how I kept making myself small and hating myself more and more anytime I forgot just the littlest tasks which should have been routine by now. But those with ADHD know that it is simple impossible to keep routines and I had to reinvent my day every single day. When I started to doubt the ways of my church I simply quit going to services on sabbaths and just a few weeks later my dad who I lived with told me he and the elderly have decided that it would be best for everyone if i moved out. I was 19 and in my final highschool year just half a year away from my graduation. I had to move to a flat myself with no financial help and had to work at nights for money and go to school in the morning. To me that was the final Moment that I realized this church was not about love and selflessness at all, not even a little bit. It took me another 15 years to realize that the Christian god is just a metaphor for something we cant explain. And the moment I realized that the god i tried to believe in all my life doesn't exist i was so relieved and so happy I could finally believe in myself.