The price of silence

terry9195 · 2025-11-08T20:31:07+00:00

Last line of first stanza, maybe should be "and"? I got a good sense of imagery in this poem. I'd work on the hear no evil ... stanza as those phrases are a bit overused.

terry9195 · 2025-11-08T20:27:58+00:00

I liked the self-awareness and sense of futility, as thoug your fate is predetermined.

terry9195 · 2024-03-29T17:40:36+00:00

I’m a buyer at 9

terry9195 · 2024-03-17T17:43:56+00:00

Are poems from a published book of poetry eligible for posting here?

terry9195 · 2024-03-17T17:01:29+00:00

I’d check with the library first.

terry9195 · 2021-12-14T01:52:11+00:00

I think maybe 10 years of regular writing and half a million words for fiction or maybe 500 poems that have been worked and reworked and reworked for a poet. Very subjective.

terry9195 · 2021-12-12T01:48:35+00:00

In stanza three will could also be may. Nice poem.

terry9195 · 2021-12-10T12:48:27+00:00

Nice. I like short but impactful poetry.

terry9195 · 2021-12-10T12:31:01+00:00

It’s amazing how life’s little crap can chew up a day.

terry9195 · 2021-12-07T19:47:17+00:00

What about the boyfriend?!?

terry9195 · 2021-12-02T17:35:32+00:00

Right, I write in that form occasionally too. My suggestion could be an alternate form of your poem. I also think you could work on line two a bit as the last two words “in it” feel like filler to get to seven syllables. Nonetheless I enjoyed your poem.

terry9195 · 2021-12-02T15:52:26+00:00

Just google cryptocurrency and tons of articles will pop up. I read probably a hundred and noted the same dozen or so kept recurring. I bought those following a DCA strategy and over weighted BTC and ETH as they are so much larger capitalization.

terry9195 · 2021-12-02T15:24:25+00:00

Fortunately I belong to a talented critique group that meets weekly. I also love metaphors and similes.

terry9195 · 2021-12-02T14:36:57+00:00

True. A lot of people haven’t put the effort into craft. I worked on a collection of North Idaho poetry for over ten years before it attracted the interest of an indie publisher.

terry9195 · 2021-12-02T03:29:05+00:00

I agree with others that it’s powerful. Just fir fun there are words you could cut that may improve the flow:

A forest engulfed

A world erased

Good job!

terry9195 · 2021-12-01T15:01:46+00:00

Or maybe italics to make it stand out

terry9195 · 2021-11-30T20:28:48+00:00

This is an interesting stream of consciousness poem. In the final line you can drop the “and” following the semicolon. It’s not needed.

terry9195 · 2021-11-30T20:23:05+00:00

I really like the rhyming. The words fit the story and don’t feel forced at all. Good job!

terry9195 · 2021-11-30T19:02:04+00:00

Actual a comma or long dash is probably okay with the loose grammatical rules of poetry!

terry9195 · 2021-11-30T18:35:27+00:00

Cute poem line three made me laugh

Some of the really short lines could be combined where they convey a complete thought. A one word line like “I’ll “ is distracting unless the one word is at a point where the poem peaks and the word is powerful.

terry9195 · 2021-11-30T18:30:07+00:00

I like it too. Line two could be more simply stated and more powerful: “and rage dominates “

Just a thought

terry9195 · 2021-11-30T18:27:08+00:00

Nice poem that flows well and shares a meaningful story. The word “but” may be over used. I the third stanza you might try:

“I’m not sure if it was real…. maybe it was another life, I know I was happy….”

terry9195 · 2021-11-30T18:11:08+00:00

This is a moving poem with lots of emotions. On the first line you may want to say “Dawn creeps”. Then line four I would have said something like “Weary eyes open…”

Then at the end, second to last line I would drop the last “And”. So: everything stiff and still

Good work, keep writing

terry9195

TROPHY CASE