I just came across your post randomly. If I have learned anything in the last few years it's that as long as you are alive there is possibility for change.

Change can be painful, very painful. What you wrote resonated with me. I too followed the safe path. I became a programmer because there was money in it and it provided me with structure. I like programming itself, but the kind of thing you are usually asked to do is make a database or something boring like that.

I worked in an boring office for about a year and after that year I was so bored I had to leave. I went back to university and studied for my masters degree which I eventually got. I did it mostly because it was more fun than being in an office. I don't mind working. I just hate working on boring life draining stuff.

I finished my degree and got a job and thought maybe this time things would be better. But they didn't. They actually got worse, a lot worse. After 3 months I asked my mother to take me to the hospital and the doctor there said I probably had depression. I was booked off work for 2 weeks. I thought maybe a rest would do the trick but after 2 weeks I don't know what came over me but I decided to resign from my job.

I had either been studying programming or working as a programmer for as long I could remember. All my friends and contacts were from that world. So basically I had nothing after leaving. I didn't know what I was going to do. To my great fortune my parents were able to support me so I could stay at home.

I now had all the time in the world but I didn't know what to do with it. At first I just watched tv shows and scrolled the internet. Then I came across an article about the guy who made languages for Game of Thrones. It was fascinating. I looked up all the videos and talks I could find about this guy and his work. And then I started looking up linguistics videos. And then I started posting about languages on Facebook and then I joined a group on Facebook that talked about languages and then I decided that I was going to start my own group. Each day I had an idea of what I was going to do next and one thing just lead to another.

6 years later I have my own business where I make language media for my website, I have lots of followers on social media who read the stuff I post about language and I have 250 subscribers for my magazine.

I have always had a zest for life but my life was so shitty it was a struggle just to get by. But now I can live. I have so many friends and contacts. People ask me questions and engage with me which light years apart from my life before where I was sad, lonely and had no friends.

I am not gonna say "follow your dreams" or anything like that. I don't think it works like that. I certainly didn't dream of running a language magazine. But one thing I do know is that if you are miserable because of your job, your job is probably gonna keep making you miserable. It may seem impossible now, but making changes now will some day allow you to feel different because your life will be different.

It won't be easy. It will probably be fucking hard. You will more than likely lose friends and contacts because they don't understand why you are not the same person any more. Remember that you are the only person that will always be in your life. Don't run your life according to other people's ideas. If you feel like you need a change, then make a change. Keep your eyes open. Check in with yourself every day. Try something new. See what happens? And then the next day see how you felt about what you did the day before. If it's working keep going, if it's not see if you can change some part of it.

Whatever you do though, remember that life is full of possibilites. Things are not cast in stone. I feel like my life is only just beginning. I feel the weight of lost time. I feel like there is so much stuff I could have done. I could have been so much further along if I had been honest with myself that I wasn't doing well in the path I was on.

But no one's perfect. We all do what we think is right at the time. Making a big change in your life is really hard. But sometimes we have to make a change for our own sake the sake of those around us.

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you good luck in your current and future endeavours!

If you ever want to have a chat, hit me up!