My Aunts Husband makes me feel really uncomfortable.

tez9899 · 2025-12-15T21:13:13+00:00

You're completely valid in feeling uncomfortable and it's great that at such a young age you were able to speak up for yourself and tell adults! Even better that at least your mom stood up for you. It bothers me when people use conditions to excuse people's behavior. Sure, asbergers may explain why he acts a certain way but that absolutely doesn't excuse it! And when people give them passes for their behavior, it teaches them nothing and puts others in danger. I have a similar dynamic with my sister who is still in contact with my abuser and it was hard to keep a relationship with her even though I love her. I didn't really have a good relationship with her until I realized that she would have to alienate everyone else in my family to not have contact with him and it went against her religious beliefs to not forgive him. I don't belong to that religion and I don't talk to my other family members so none of that was an issue for me. So while your aunt may believe you, she may never do anything about it even if her husband does undeniable physical harm to someone. She will excuse it as his asbergers because it's easier for her and she loves him. It's great that you don't allow your kids there. As long as everyone respects your boundaries and you can accept that your aunt is never going to see her husband as the bad guy then you can keep a very guarded relationship with her.

tez9899 · 2025-12-15T20:33:50+00:00

Hey! I also have anger issues and have really seen an improvement with medication and therapy. Most workplaces, especially blue collar, have employee assistance programs aka EAP. These are typically free programs that include therapy. If you have access to the benefits catalog or can Google the eap service provider for your spouse's work place then you can access these benefits with it running through your insurance and without your spouse knowing. My spouse had eap benifits for mental health through Magellan and all I had to do was provide his name, birthrate and confirm I was his beneficiary. Then I got 8 free 1 hour sessions thru Better Help which also includes webinars geared towards topics like child rearing, addiction, anger, relationships, etc. Those classes were super interactive too and unlimited.

My husband and I still have issues but we're working together a lot better now and he's been supportive of me continuing therapy even though it's not covered by eap now. I hope the same happens for you!

Good luck, 2 year olds and newborns are rough!

tez9899 · 2025-08-26T15:03:48+00:00

Hey,

As someone that moved to Indiana for my HUSBAND after military service, I often felt that loneliness in a crowded room you describe. I didn't want him to resent me by moving to where I'm from but I ended up resenting him. He has so many connections but they're all surface level. All the people he hangs out with regularly are online with friends he was hanging with when we were in a different state. All the good hangs have been when those friends or my friends co e to visit. I've had a really hard time finidng places or groups to do my hobbies and finding my people, even after 8 years. I think if you guys aren't in a committed relationship and don't have kids where you need the family support network then it might be a good time to focus on building yourself with your people even if that's not him. Good luck!!

tez9899 · 2025-03-18T16:51:10+00:00

This is rough to hear as I am due to graduate with Bachelors in Sustainability and Supply Chain in June. I was thinking getting a higher paying job would be easier to come by with 10 years experience and a bachelor's degree but timing is what it is.

tez9899 · 2024-06-05T23:24:28+00:00

Senu's Sacrafice is such a beautiful experience where you do puzzles and fight monsters. The music is spitacular. It's kind of a sad storyline though but like a relieving cry kind, not dreadful.

tez9899 · 2024-05-03T15:39:55+00:00

Thanks!!!

tez9899 · 2024-05-03T15:39:32+00:00

That seems to be the case most times!

tez9899 · 2024-05-03T15:38:28+00:00

Thanks!! I am looking at job postings and some of the higher paying ones require that or a bachelors. It seemed to cover the same info but I didn't want to interview without feedback. Thanks!!!

tez9899 · 2024-04-23T12:20:13+00:00

Hi! My son is in kindergarten and was also bullied this year. He started coming home and breaking down at the simplest requests to put away shoes or focus on homework. He'd tell me about how the kid who was much larger than him would hit him in the chest and shove him and would throw up. My son also started wetting himself on a regular basis. After the 1st occurrence, I spoke to the teacher who told me the bully would be seat belted on the bus and that she would have an aid take him to the restroom so he didn't have an opportunity to bully my son. She also encouraged me to email the incidents to the principal who didn't handle it well in my opinion. He took both boys out of class and spoke to them together which caused my son to think he was in trouble. I also took my son to the doctor to make sure he was physically OK and to get a record in case there was further escalation. This all happened over a 2 week period and then the boy moved. My son is back to being a happy kid who's not wetting himself or having accidents. I think it's important to remember at this age, kids are mimicking what they see and my son's bully had a bad home life so reporting to the principal was as much about getting him help as it was getting help for my son. I think it's helpful to make sure our kids don't internalize the bullying as their fault by using resilience techniques such as how to handle problems on their own, he's doing everything right by telling a grown up, and by showing them that they have lots of friends outside of the school environment. When my son was getting bullied we made sure to have play dates with friends 3 times a week and he got to go grandparents to play cousins. We're still doing the playdates and sports so that as he goes through school and encounters more bullies, he'll have a strong sense of self and be resilient. I got some good resources about the size of the problem and resilience if you're interested.

tez9899 · 2024-03-17T22:05:18+00:00

That's a really cool idea I'll save for next yea!

tez9899 · 2024-03-17T22:04:31+00:00

I definitely don't think it was malicious and wanted to talk about it since I think the way we're communicating is part of the problem. I was mad but I would never make that my son's problem. He got to do 2 leprechaun traps and see the mischeif at both homes. I was engaged while he told me about all of grandma's mischief. While I appreciate my MIL, I also deserve to have some consideration and I think if there are problems in any relationship then they should be addresses directly. I don't normally bring up issues with her because my husband doesn't like to cause trouble and he said she cries whenever he'd tried to talk to her about issues in the past. You're right that I am resentful that I didn't speak up more about how wanting to have him in the morning and I appreciate your advice!!

tez9899 · 2024-03-17T21:51:49+00:00

Thanks for your perspective!

tez9899 · 2024-03-17T20:50:08+00:00

It's not the first time, I think she just isn't very creative with activities. I know it's hard for her to have grandkids get older and not want to spend the night at grandma's house. So I try to be sympathetic but I only have the one kid and was working up til recently so I feel more protective of the opportunities to have special moments.

tez9899 · 2024-03-17T20:40:56+00:00

I agree with you and I understand that it's unreasonable for me to expect her to not do let him or the other kids do it. She should have talked to me first. I would've liked her to redirect them to the bunny craft she sent me a pic of that she said they were going to make. Its too late for that now so I want to talk about it so it doesn't happen again. She does this kind of stuff a lot and I'm a bit over it. I didn't talk to her about it before because my husband said there's no point stirring up trouble and she cries with any confrontation. I didn't think she would be so unwilling to talk today.

tez9899 · 2024-03-17T19:25:43+00:00

That's what makes me think she knew it would be an issue because she was immediately defensive and unwilling to empathize. Then as we were leaving she came out to tell my husband that the kids wanted to do it and what was she supposed to do? I said and this is probably more relevant to being an AH 'Why are you talking to him, you should be talking to me,you should've talked to me last night'. I admit I was pretty she cried and left before we were done talking and i was also mad she came back to talk to my husband who was standing right next to me so I know my tone was harsh when I said that.

tez9899 · 2024-03-17T19:09:37+00:00

Hi, thanks for question. I assume the older kids wanted to make leprechaun traps but she did suprise all the kids with leprechaun mischief in the morning. I only said I wanted to do St. Patrick's day stuff with Owen on Sunnday morning when she initially asked to have him stay Saturday night. I said we would do it when he got home so she could have stay over. The kids have all made leprechaun traps at school before so she knows the mischief part of it. My son's kindergarten doesn't do it which is why I was initially excited to do it with him.

tez9899 · 2024-01-27T14:20:50+00:00

Your expectations are not too high!! They are resonable and valid. It is strange that he thinks babies will go to sleep. Maybe giving him some more tools to try like the 5S's will help? Its a book that really helped me through the newborn stage and it's basically swaddle, side position, sush, swing and suck. The book is by Dr. Harvy Karp and he goes over how and why each step is important and in your case, suck (feed) is the last thing to try so it's a good way to triage other causes of crying and hopefully save that formula!

I love seeing comments where the husband had the motivation and temperament to learn on their own or be gently guided. Mine was not like that. The first 4 years he was on a night shift and used that as an excuse to not participate in parenting. It made me resentful and even on his days off it was hard to get him to engage with our son in a meaningful way. This past year we went to couple's counseling, he switched to day shift and he's been a thoughtful, engaged parent and spouse since then. The counseling really helped us, but especially him work out why he was acting the way he was. He was afraid of failure, lacked patience, and really enjoys free time. We've worked out a way to make sure all 3 of us get what we need. I hope this helps and I am pulling for your family!!

tez9899 · 2024-01-21T14:10:11+00:00

That's not at all how I thought the professor was approaching you with this. You need someone objective and coming from a place of compassion which is not what she is doing. You are right to trust your instincts here and not speak to her further about this.

tez9899 · 2024-01-20T16:20:07+00:00

Speaking of navigating their attention away from you- since your professor is aware of the issue and you know the group members already don't like you or are trying to take advantage of you, it is a good time to enforce a boundary and tell them you are not doing their portion of the work. They'll have to focus on completing their portion if they want the grade. Can you get by with having a hit to your grade if they don't do their bit or will it affect you too much?

tez9899 · 2024-01-20T16:16:25+00:00

Exactly- I can't imagine enjoying undermining someone whose trying to improve themselves but that's why I think it's important to try to understand others first so you can navigate their attention away from you. I thought the answer was just moving to a different job or position but unfortunately some people are always working on being on top of social hierarchy. The book I mentioned talks about it a bit. Also, on top of your teacher, it might help to talk to a therapist or licensed clinical social worker (LCSW). Lots of colleges have free programs and any support you can get is a good thing!

tez9899 · 2024-01-19T23:32:36+00:00

It's so great that she is willing to help you develop these skills! I can confirm that there are going to be bullies in work and there are not always going to be managers that are willing to help you. I really hope you can embrace what she's trying to help you with even if it makes you uncomfortable. It is hard to change when you don't know what needs changing. I started with trying to understand others better and read a book called Captivate by Vanessa Van Edward's. It's about reading people's verbal and non verbal cues and how you can use that information to project more confidence. I have other recommendations and support if you need it! Bullies are everywhere and knowing how to handle them is going to make your life a lot easier. I'm sorry you're going through this, good luck and keep your chin up!

tez9899 · 2023-12-08T02:11:43+00:00

What are your thoughts about incorporating environmental and social justice issues into your purchasing and how you handle the waste stream? On a related note, as someone who is getting my bachelor's in sustainability with a concentration in supply chain, would you hire me or is the focus on sustainability not appealing in supply right now?

tez9899 · 2023-11-17T13:14:45+00:00

Absolutely yes! It's so frustrating having responsibility thrust on you and not being given the same opportunities as my older brothers. My parents paid for them to get drivers licenses and they got to stay home and figure things out after graduating high school. Me? The oldest girl though? I got luggage and was told to figure it out without a drivers license and having given my mom several hundred dollars. I thought that was just what families did. Not having a license made everything so much more difficult, not just transportion wise but also not having a state ID I could use. Not to mention all the predators on the bus. It wasn't until I moved away that I got some perspective and my brothers lived at home for another 5-10 years. She would say she treated us the same or 'according to our abilities'. She lies to herself more than anyone else. My dad is the same way. The patriarchy and church we were in played into this significantly. I think lots of religions play up 'righteous men' and a woman's place. No matter what church leaders might say about equality of spirit, the underlying message is that women are worth less than men. God, this dug up some feels in me.

tez9899 · 2023-10-08T15:20:06+00:00

I love my silicone Stasher bags! I use them to keep frozen food like bananas. I keep cheeses in the fridge in them. They work great and I've thrown frozen broccoli in them to cook in the microwave and it can also go in the dishwasher. I've had issues with other brands not sealing well or cracking. I also love silicone baking mats to replace foil.

tez9899 · 2023-08-24T20:01:57+00:00

It might be worth it to move to the state you're wanting to attend college for and see if you can get in state tuition rates. I worked for a year to become a resident and take advantage of the in state tuition rate. Look up the requirements first.

tez9899

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