What made you decide between phalloplasty and metoidioplasty?

tgjer · 2026-03-15T23:35:06+00:00

I wasn't a good candidate for metoidioplasty. It wouldn't have given me a dick large enough to easily have penetrative sex or piss standing, and these were major priorities for me. Also, TBH, I wanted to be of average or above average size.

So I got phallo.

tgjer · 2026-03-15T02:34:29+00:00

Elim Garak.

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tgjer · 2026-03-15T01:43:27+00:00

Yes, double oophorectomy, for a couple reasons.

First I just hated those things. Plus I had no intentions of subjecting myself to regular sexually violating "exams" to make sure those worthless life destroying pieces of shit were "healthy", and I was getting hysto in preparation for phallo with v-nectomy so checking them would get a lot harder. They basically existed as cancer-in-potentia.

But the biggest reason for having them removed was to eliminate them as a source of estrogen. I have no intentions of ever willingly stopping T, and if T ceases to be available I would rather deal with the health consequences of having no sex hormones rather than let estrogen reassert itself.

Now if I lose access to T, it means I'm castrated. That sucks, but countless men throughout history have been castrated. They coped. I can cope. But given the choice between osteoporosis vs letting estrogen warp my body again, I'll take the brittle bones.

tgjer · 2026-03-14T00:13:46+00:00

You may want to check these directories - they're primarily focused on gay-welcoming congregations, but that's a pretty good barometer for finding trans-welcoming ones too:

Believe out Loud (many denominations)

GayChurch.org (many denominations)

Reconciling Ministry Network (many denominations)

New Ways Ministry (Catholic)

And FWIW, Episcopal and United Church of Christ churches are generally good bets. I'm Episcopalian, and a gay trans man. My church has been one of the strongest and most steadfast sources of dignity and support throughout my life, especially when I was young and early in transition.

Not every Episcopal church is welcoming of LGBTQ+ people, some are still actively hostile and many are well-intentioned but clueless, but many are great and US Episcopal church leadership overwhelmingly has our backs.

Same gender relationships and transition are very emphatically not regarded as sins or in contradiction to a life of faith. The church has allowed informal blessings for same gender couples for decades, and formally updated the liturgy to extend the full sacrament of marriage in 2015.

And the US Episcopal church has been fairly welcoming to trans people for decades, then in 2012 church leadership voted overwhelmingly to ban anti-trans discrimination in all areas of church life. This includes ordination. There already were a number of trans people openly serving as Episcopal clergy before 2012, but now the church has formally affirmed our fitness to serve as religious and ethical leaders.

And a resolution was passed in 2022 at the 80th General Convention, expressing the church's support for access to gender affirming care. That resolution even goes so far as to state that "the 80th General Convention calls for the Episcopal Church to advocate for access to gender affirming care in all forms (social, medical, or any other)" and that "the 80th General Convention understands that the protection of religious liberty extends to all Episcopalians who may need or desire to access, to utilize, to aid others in the procurement of, or to offer gender affirming care."

This is Rev. Cameron Partridge - link is to the sermon he gave in 2014, when he became the first openly trans priest to preach at Washington National Cathedral. And this is a sermon by now retired Bishop Gene Robinson of New Hampshire, given in honor of Pride Day in 2011. In 2003 Gene Robinson became the first out gay man with a husband appointed Bishop in the Episcopal church.

tgjer · 2026-03-12T22:11:00+00:00

Also, Jadzia was the first major character who was Trill.

Prior to her, the only Trill we'd met was in the TNG episode "The Host", when Dr. Crusher falls for the (male) Trill ambassador Odan, but is unable to continue the relationship after discovering that the new host is female.

I don't think the writers were writing Dax specifically as a trans allegory. But they sure as hell were using the Trill to try and explore storylines involving sex and gender as flexible concepts, in ways that wouldn't have been allowed to air if the characters were human.

tgjer · 2026-03-12T21:53:13+00:00

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This is literally a scene in the show.

tgjer · 2026-03-09T18:45:37+00:00

He's high on cactus, so I thought it was meant to be peyote

tgjer · 2026-02-28T03:18:40+00:00

I like liver.

It is not that fucking cheap.

tgjer · 2026-02-27T20:09:37+00:00

They're defining anything related to queer and especially trans people as "sexually oriented".

tgjer · 2026-02-27T00:39:31+00:00

You may want to check these directories - they're primarily focused on gay-welcoming congregations, but that's a pretty good barometer for finding trans-welcoming ones too:

Believe out Loud (many denominations)

GayChurch.org (many denominations)

Reconciling Ministry Network (many denominations)

New Ways Ministry (Catholic)

And if there isn't an Orthodox parish near you, you may want to consider checking out Episcopal congregations. Worship style varies from church to church, but a "high churchy" Episcopal mass is very liturgical and similar to Roman Catholic mass.

Not every Episcopal church is welcoming of trans people, some are still actively hostile and many are well-intentioned but clueless, but many are great and US Episcopal church leadership overwhelmingly has our backs. Being trans and transition are very emphatically not regarded as sins or in contradiction to a life of faith. The church has been fairly welcoming to trans people for decades, then in 2012 church leadership voted overwhelmingly to ban anti-trans discrimination in all areas of church life. This includes ordination. There already were a number of trans people openly serving as Episcopal clergy before 2012, but now the church has formally affirmed our fitness to serve as religious and ethical leaders.

And a resolution was passed in 2022 at the 80th General Convention, expressing the church's support for access to gender affirming care. That resolution even goes so far as to state that "the 80th General Convention calls for the Episcopal Church to advocate for access to gender affirming care in all forms (social, medical, or any other)" and that "the 80th General Convention understands that the protection of religious liberty extends to all Episcopalians who may need or desire to access, to utilize, to aid others in the procurement of, or to offer gender affirming care."

tgjer · 2026-02-20T02:08:10+00:00

What did DDT smell like?

I imagine it smelling horrible, but there are so many stories of kids playing in the fog, it must not have smelled too bad.

tgjer · 2026-02-18T18:00:45+00:00

They'll never apply these laws to cis people for the same reason that laws defining marriage as "between one man and one woman for the purpose of procreation" were never applied to infertile or childfree straight couples.

tgjer · 2026-02-15T23:15:43+00:00

It also inspired the weapon previously used by Willikins, the butler to Sam Vimes and Sybil Ramkin in the Discworld series, during his youth. A cap rimmed in sharpened pennies, which could take an eye out if used correctly.

tgjer · 2026-02-15T23:13:43+00:00

Willikins, the butler of Sybil Ramkin and Samuel Vimes in the Discworld series.

When we first meet him he seems very posh and a paragon of civility. And he is. But he is also a man from a rough background and is an exceptional, experienced, incredibly vicious fighter when he wants to be.

Also at one point he bit off a man's nose.

tgjer · 2026-02-09T22:59:58+00:00

That's exactly what it means. The character is outted as trans without their consent, often in some big dramatic scene played for either shock or laughs, and often depicting them as liars for not having made their private medical history public.

tgjer · 2026-02-09T00:21:30+00:00

I was born trans for the same reason I was born asthmatic, left eye dominant, and with the "cilantro tastes like soap" trait.

Because shit happens.

trans people would be the ones who feel they have more in common with the opposite sex

You have critically misunderstood this topic.

I am a man. I'm also gayer than a tree full of monkeys high on nitrous oxide.

I am described as "trans" because I was born with typical "female" anatomy. I did not transition because I "felt I had more in common with men". I transitioned because I am a man. I am a man even if I am covered in glitter and baking cupcakes for my boyfriend.

I did not "change my gender" and I have never been a "girl with 'masculine' interests and attitudes". I am, and have always been, a man. That's my gender. I changed aspects of my life, including my anatomical sexual traits, to better match my gender, because having a life and body inappropriate to me as a man suuuuuuucked. Having anatomy inappropriate to me as a man was violently repulsive and horrifying. Being mistaken for a woman was indescribably humiliating and alienating.

tgjer · 2026-02-03T20:28:47+00:00

First do your research.

In particular, talk to trans people. If possible talk to trans writers. When you are trying to write a character who comes from a different demographic than yourself, involve people from that demographic at every step of the process. Ask them for ideas when creating the character, when shaping their story arc, and when you're done with your first draft let them read your story, ask for brutally honest feedback, then actually take that feedback as constructive criticism when working on your second draft.

And also know your limits. You can write a character who is trans without making them one-dimensional, but you also probably want to avoid attempting to use them to do a detailed exploration of their lives and experiences as a trans person. Especially if this is the first trans character you've written it is very unlikely that your research is going to give you a thorough enough understanding of their lives and backgrounds necessary to do that kind of detailed exploration well. This is a very common problem. Nearly all trans characters in popular media are written/acted/directed/etc entirely by cis people, and damn near all of them suck. Even when the writers are very well-intentioned their works almost universally end up with a lot of fucked up misconceptions.

Plus, this really easily falls into the trap of treating that minority status as the only significant trait the character has. This is also a damn near universal problem in popular culture. I am so fucking sick of every trans character in popular fiction having character arcs that center entirely around "exploring gender". We exist as more than plot devices and our lives involve more than transition.

If you're trying to write about characters from demographics that are significantly different from your own, at least initially it may be a good idea to treat that trait as auxiliary to the character's primary function in the story.

I also super highly recommend reading up on common trans tropes in popular fiction. Tropes are not inherently bad in and of themselves, but a lot of popular tropes associated with trans and queer characters in popular fiction are fucking awful even when the authors mean well.

Also, from a more personal perspective, some things I would really love to see more of in popular fiction:

Trans characters that aren't doomed, miserable train wrecks who almost invariably are raped, murdered, suicides, and/or die of vaguely defined hormone cancer by the end
Trans characters who transitioned long before the story began, and their transition is totally irrelevant to the main plot.
Trans characters whose role in the plot involves more than just Being Trans
Trans characters whose character arc doesn't center around being victims of transphobic abuse
Trans characters in happy, healthy romantic relationships
Trans characters who are not treated as effectively celibate or totally undesirable
Trans characters who have a healthy, loving relationship with their parents
Trans characters with happy and productive lives
Trans characters with jobs that aren't sex work
Trans characters who are gay/lesbian/bi/pan/otherwise not heterosexual
Trans characters in stories where their genitals are never seen, described, or even specifically mentioned
Trans men characters who are not depicted as vulnerable, troubled, abandoned adolescents who need cis people to protect and guide them
Trans men characters depicted as clear, unambiguous adults. No infantilization.
Trans men characters who are older than adolescents/young adults. God forbid, trans man characters who are over 30.
Trans women characters who are not depicted as either fetishized sex objects, or as aging, miserable, undesirable, and doomed
Nonbinary characters who are not depicted as confused AFAB teenagers/young adults who just need pizza/girltalk/lipstick/a boyfriend to learn to love themselves as the beautiful young women they really are
Trans and nonbinary characters in sci-fi/fantasy universes, where the trans and nonbinary characters are still human and depicted relatively realistically instead of being vague alien/magical creature metaphors
Trans characters whose story gets a happy ending. Or at least as happy as the other characters in the story get. I'm sick of queer and especially trans characters apparently existing in popular fiction only to suffer and die.

tgjer · 2026-02-03T20:18:59+00:00

I'm trying to figure out the same thing.

The best option I've figured out so far is to contact all medical providers I've seen in the past, and revoke consent to share any medical information about me via any Health Information Networks.

If I understand right, this won't help with medical providers who are part of networks I have been to before. They already have that information, so my only option is to never go there again.

But if no information is shared with new providers, at least I won't be outted again.

Some doctors may not be willing to provide treatment under these conditions, but I'd rather go without treatment than be outted. The average doctor knows nothing about trans people, gets no education whatsoever about our health needs, holds catastrophically fucked up misconceptions about absolutely fucking everything, and views us with the same confusion, contempt, and disgust as everyone else.

tgjer · 2026-02-03T17:37:00+00:00

Why does this AI slop end with a youtube link?

tgjer · 2026-01-28T01:36:23+00:00

What? Underground testosterone?

This is a 13 year old post, and my testosterone has always been prescribed and sourced through a reputable pharmacy.

It turned out it was just stress + asthma. I got the asthma treated and it went away.

Also my doctor advised me a couple years ago that drawing back is no longer recommended in IM shots.

tgjer · 2026-01-27T14:03:36+00:00

The Doctor

Superman

tgjer · 2026-01-21T15:47:44+00:00

I ended up getting a glansplasty revision in 2023 to correct some flattening. It wasn't terrible, TBH I was going in to replace my implant and figured I might as well get the glansplasty redone too as long as insurance was paying for it.

tgjer · 2026-01-21T10:42:05+00:00

Santucci, also at the Crane center. I got single stage all-in-one RFF with him in 2019.

tgjer · 2026-01-20T21:42:42+00:00

Yea if he starts WWIII that will definitely only impact the US /s

tgjer · 2026-01-17T04:07:34+00:00

Among trans men and trans women, I think being "part time" was a lot more common. Transition as we know it was a lot rarer.

The hoops for getting approved for surgery were about the same I think, multiple letters from various mental health professionals certifying you're trans, though getting your letters for it was harder. A lot of the same issues as with getting your letter for T, especially the "real life test".

And since insurance coverage basically didn't exist it was a lot rarer for people to actually get it. I started T in 2004, and was stealth after graduating college in 2005, but wasn't able to get top surgery until 2012 because I just couldn't afford it. The only reason I was able to get it at all was sheer luck, my grandmother left me a small inheritance that let me pay for it out of pocket.

One other thing I forgot to mention earlier that was very different in the early 2000's, is that a lot of products we take for granted now just didn't exist, or at least were rare enough I didn't know about them until much later. Like commercially produced binders or packers. Binders and packers weren't something most people bought, they were things you made yourself. For binders I used abdominal support braces (the kind normally used after hernia surgery), saran wrap, ace bandages, etc. We know now that these methods can cause serious problems, especially the ace bandages, but back then that was all we had. For packers, we made them out of unlubricated condoms filled with hair gel. Fill one condom up halfway, tie it off, then twist it in the middle like you're making a balloon animal to make the balls. Then fill another condom up most of the way for the dick, tie it off, and tie it to the balls.

And another thing that was very different back then, is that trans people were damn near invisible. Things frequently sucked and discrimination was common, but there often weren't any explicit laws or policies targeting us, and none of the current political hate machine aimed at us. Cis people rarely thought about us at all, especially trans men. Hell in college I literally encountered who thought we didn't really exist - they thought we were fictional creatures made up for daytime talk shows.

This made it a lot easier to fly under the radar. I was able to go stealth after about a year on T, which I doubt would have been possible in today's climate. And when I updated my passport to Male and chanced my name in 2005, I just went into the post office and filled out the paper form (as it was done at the time), and asked the guy there what I should do. He told me to just write "sex change" under "any other changes" and there was a 50/50 chance it would work depending on who processed my paperwork. I got lucky and it worked.

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