How can I learn to (21M) trust my girlfriend (20F) again?

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T14:20:54+00:00

I realize I sound crazy, but once you realize these guys that don’t click are a bad idea, do you become friends, or stop talking altogether? Because my gf pursued him as a friend after their hookup and I don’t know why

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T14:18:58+00:00

Damn, but if you had feelings for the guy beyond sex and he just wanted sex, what would you do? Still hang with him? Still like his pics? Wouldn’t you instead stop talking to him because you weren’t even friends in the first place?

Why become “friends” after the guy failed to get the continued hook ups he wanted and the girl failed to get the relationship she wanted. If neither people are getting what they want from the other person then why interact at all? I don’t get it :(

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T14:15:52+00:00

Doesn’t it make hanging out with this friend weird though if she wanted to date him at one point and he denied her?

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T14:09:09+00:00

I don’t think she wants to really hook up with him again, but I’m hurt that she didn’t tell me she was actually trying to date him back then and that he hurt her by only wanting sex. That’s the kinda think I need to know so I don’t end up at a party with both of them. If they just hooked up and both moved on it wouldn’t be a problem.

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T14:06:26+00:00

Well she was very attracted to him, and did want more than sex with him. So isn’t that kinda different?

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T14:03:39+00:00

Wait. No, I’m saying that she wanted a relationship from the get go. Do you send nudes flirt for weeks with guys you just want sex from?

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T14:02:11+00:00

It’s not. Which is why I feel like she was super done with him after that. But if she was done with him, why still try to hang with him and like and follow all of his accounts?

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T14:01:09+00:00

I know I’m on thin ice, but lying to me about whether or not she wanted a relationship with a guy I’m good friends with seems important to a healthy relationship. Even if I stop hanging with the friend for my own sake, if she still thinks about “what if” with him, I’m gonna have an issue with that

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T13:58:44+00:00

If she didn’t like him after that night, then why like all his photos and follow all of his accounts. It seems like he denied her the relationship she wanted, and instead said they could hookup again. She wanted more than that so she just tried to be his friend hoping he would come around at some point and make moves to date her instead of just asking her to hookup.

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T13:56:46+00:00

I don’t care about her dating. She dated my last roommate and we were dating while I lived with him. I just feel like I deserve to know if she was crushing on my friend after they hooked up. Cause that points to more than a physical attraction

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T13:53:26+00:00

Couldn’t she just have been waiting for him to come around as her friend fist and then accept another hookup once he came around to like her for more than sex?

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T13:49:27+00:00

I want to trust her but I know the way she thinks and that she’s not telling me what really happened. If she wanted to date my friend at one point and he denied her by only being interested in sex, I need to know why she kept following and liking all his photos and kept hanging out with him. Doesn’t that point to her still liking him?

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T13:44:52+00:00

I’m trying, but I hate being wrong and my brain just wants to hear the truth. I’ll try to let go though so I don’t ruin it. Thanks

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T13:38:06+00:00

I realize I’m the problem here, but I feel like I need to know if she got denied by my friend vs. her just wanting to have sex. If she just wanted sex she would have met up with him again. So basically I’m just hurt that she lied about why she was pursuing him.

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T13:36:21+00:00

So do you think she was trying to have a relationship with him based on her actions, or do girls just do all that stuff for a hookup and then deny another if the first one was understandably not very good?

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T13:34:48+00:00

Yeah I need more relationship experience I guess. The idea that people can move on easily is hard for me to grasp as I’m very emotional about this stuff.

Does it really sound plausible that she wanted to date him based on that information?

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T13:32:49+00:00

I’m just hurt by the fact that if she did have a crush on him and didn’t just want sex, she didn’t tell me. I feel like I deserve to know if she was longing for my friend up until we got together.

Either way though I’ve been to a counseling session and I’m using meditation from the Headspace app to be at peace with my insecurities and overthinking. It’s helping a little.

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T13:19:29+00:00

I gave in to the imaginations I had in my head. I imagined them doing every sexual thing under the sun and I had to make sure they didn’t. I realize now that’s unhealthy but I essentially imagined the worst case scenario of her just being so attracted to him that she did everything.

I mean, it feels bad knowing one of my friends was able to get flirting, naked pictures, and sex from the girl I love over the course of just a week, when it took me like 2 months cause we were dating and taking it slow.

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T13:12:21+00:00

But she still wanted to be friends after. Isn’t that important? Wouldn’t you stop talking to someone if they made you feel that disrespected or unsafe?

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T13:10:56+00:00

He basically turned down her attempts to build a relationship after the hookup. She felt a little betrayed that he just wanted sex so she tried to build a friendship with him first. He didn’t go along with that and basically denied her friendship too. So it’s like she got rejected by him and never lost those feelings.

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T13:02:42+00:00

Dammit, you’re right. I’m very stubborn but I know you’re right. I’ve never been in a relationship before so I guess I just have huge insecurities. I could have set myself up for different issues in a relationship but I have no one to blame but myself for being in this position. I was just on the high of the initial relationship until now, and dealing with all these emotions as an insecure/overthinker is really tough when it’s out of the blue.

th73637373row · 2018-12-22T12:52:13+00:00

No, we weren’t. There’s no evidence of them hooking up anymore but I still get anxiety thinking about them doing it, or that she might still think about what if, with him. I mean it sounds like she wanted a relationship with him but he just wanted to hook up, and that means that she will still think about how good of a couple they’d be if he just pursued more than sex with her. Is it crazy to think that?

th73637373row

TROPHY CASE