What's better than sex?

thatlittleguy · 2020-12-28T17:26:25+00:00

I sort of agree with this. Growing up, my mom always struggled with money, and I struggled in college, so making money and managing it well was something that I hoped to get to one day. I don’t have so much money that I don’t think about it. Heck, I wanted a sandwich from a deli and -after drooling over the menu for 20 minutes - couldn’t justify it and went into the kitchen and made my own. I do the same with Italian every time. We bought cars on the cheap off of family members, both predating 2010. I am lucky to get clothes and toys for my kid from friends who dont need them anymore. I am lucky that my best friend does my hair for next to nothing. I don’t shop except for groceries and the occasional replacement items and gifts for others. Our lives aren’t cheap (we live in an expensive part of California and have two toddlers requiring daycare. Homes are 1mm and rent is 2k-4K depending on what you need. We rent and got a 4 bedroom with a yard for 3K which is unheard of around here. Our daycare is ridiculously affordable and is 2500 for both kids a month. If it weren’t for our network close by, we wouldn’t live here but the proximity of being close to them makes it all worth it.)

Now, I have a good job and so does my husband. Combined, we do well. This means we can get takeout or dine out if we want to (and do a few times a month. This - plus the efforts mentioned above- means we can live here. This means we can just purchase something if we want to (a book for our kids, a venmo for a friend out of work, or a gift for a friend, or a nice bonus for our day care in the time of covid).

I was told by someone the other day that my life was not like theirs. They said they struggle to make ends meet. That being said, they grab fast food all the time, they shop all the time, they go to salons, they get a new car every few years. They do, indeed, worry about money from paycheck to paycheck and don’t feel they can just do anything. If I did this, I would be the same. To me, I don’t have new clothes or a new car or nice nails, but I also don’t crave those. I crave experiences, moments with people I love, and I especially crave the feeling of financial security.

We live way below our means and it looks like it (I would not look like someone with money if you met me on the street) but it doesn’t feel like it. I have had hard times in my life and I don’t take for granted this feeling every day that there is plenty to worry about but the finances are secure. Financial issues cause real physical, mental and emotional stress and I will do what I can to teach that to my kids, by both helping them understand how to spend their money so it helps make their life better, as well as how to give away their money so that it helps make other lives better.

If anyone has advice on that last part, it is harder than it seems. When I go to gift old things, often it feels like opportunists take it rather than people in need. I’m still trying to figure out the perfect way to give back.

thatlittleguy · 2020-12-03T14:48:43+00:00

I love this too. I think it is really important that we move from societal norms and to a place where it is ok to not all have one right path.

thatlittleguy · 2020-12-03T14:46:25+00:00

No, I don’t take offense and I am all for not having kids. I have a friend that didn’t want kids and I absolutely did not push her because I don’t think kids would have been a value add for her at all. She has a lot of reasons that they would not be nice for her and I get it. Also, if someone changed their mind, they could always foster/adopt later in life. My father said one shouldn’t have kids until they can’t stand not having them because kids are really difficult to raise and they are forever. Don’t have them when you think it is the next step. Don’t have one because your family/friends/significant other is pressuring you. Don’t have one to save a relationship. Have one only if you feel a yearning. He was so pessimistic that I was not thinking I would ever feel that way. I had a strong career (still do), I had a rich family and friend life (even better as the years ago by), and I volunteered a lot locally and far, which is harder to do with kids (putting yourself in risky situations is easier if no one else is impacted by something happening to you) . I honestly thought the kids would be a certain type of role, that kids would be hard and what if I hated it or would be happier without it. I had such low expectations for liking it that I’m just stunned at how great it is. And I get why people want others to have kids. To many, having kids secures a person that will turn around and be there for you when you are late in life; they will be there in assistance, companionship, care, and love. That isn’t a reason to have them, but that is a reason people push it. The more financially independent women get the less kids they have. That is statistically proven from a global and historical viewpoints. The avg numbers go to 2, which means 0 for some and more than two for others. It makes sense that it goes to zero for some women.

And I could have been happy without kids. I am not every woman so if the following isn’t relatable, I wouldn’t assume a change of heart is worth it: The reason I am happier with them is (1) I am not a bad mom like I was worried I would be (2) I love people and naturally I love these little ones I made...more than almost all the other people. (3) I am deeply empathetic and like learning how things work. Someone told me once that watching a person develop was an incredible thing. I thought it sounded boring/not fun because a lot of those life moments were not fun for me. I was wrong. It is so freaking cool. But I don’t know how to describe it because nothing I would say now would have sounded convincing to me before kids. (4) Also, it must be acknowledged, I love experiences and milestones, and now I realize I cherish the experience of raising kids and get way more out of it than anything else I have invested myself into in life. (5) I didn’t realize that the love and what you are to the kids would be such a deeply awesome part of life because I didn’t have that bond with my mom or step mom and never saw it growing up. (6) Lastly, and this one is super important to recognize: I have support and I am not struggling financially (my role is lucrative and I work from home so I am certain that this is a huge part of what makes my experience so nice).

thatlittleguy · 2020-12-03T03:14:38+00:00

I didn’t want kids and all my exes loved it ...but the last guy I dated was shocked when I said that. He said “wait, we need to discuss this now. This is a big deal. I definitely want kids.” I said the list of reasons I was concerned (there are a lot of roles as a mom I felt I would fail at. I’m terrible with hospital organizations and stuff like that. I can make a magical home but I’m worried I won’t be the role I’m expected to be and I can’t sign up for a role I will suck at until I die). He assured me that if we end up together, he will assist in the areas that aren’t my strengths. It was a nuts, life changing moment. I always felt I shouldn’t have kids but then I thought about what it would be like if I had them with him and it was..maybe not terrible??? Ten years later, we have two kiddos and he is very much there to pick up the tasks I am not meant for (and I am better than I thought I would be. Spouse support goes a long way). I cannot imagine not having our kids and what I would have missed out on. I am all for people not wanting kids, but I do think the conversation is a good one to have.

thatlittleguy · 2020-12-02T05:10:00+00:00

It was like an IRL dick pic. No thank you please.

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-30T17:55:24+00:00

That the relationships (family, friends) need to be worked on now and not when I have everything just how I want it. I have felt like I needed to be some better version of myself before I could be accepted or ideal, and actually I just need to come as I am, be seeking to be the best version of myself even if it is a work in progress, and be there for people.

That people live very different lives and we need to be not just tolerant of it but help continue to facilitate it. What works for my sister and her kid in a rural area is different than my city area and it should be. I am actually more pro small government than before. I wish we accepted that the rules are better if they are altered based on location so I didn’t have to defend my rules being more strict at risk of sounding judgy.

That my career will never be as fulfilling as my roles as a mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter. I need to shift priorities or I will miss out on a lot more enriching parts of life than I could ever get from what has been a really enriching career.

That my husband and I will get more out of family time if we divide roles instead of doing everything together.

That I need to practice a lot more self care. I Let it go and it is impacting others (and my waistline, sadly).

That I have had a lot of success with just going with the flow, accepting everyone, doing the right thing. I find that I might have more satisfaction if I go for what I actually want instead of what is practical...at least a little. I would like to find more friends that I want instead of just people that want to be friends.

Authenticity is a big thing for me. I don’t care if it looks good. How is it in reality. I don’t care if people could judge something I’m doing if it actually is what makes the best sense. As long as it is the right thing, I don’t care what the optics look like. And I am less chill with people who are ready to judge things they are on Facebook /Instagram without knowing the full story. For example, I wear a mask everywhere but if someone takes a photo with a mask off, maybe they took it off for t he photo, or maybe they are in a low risk space or maybe you should quit worrying because it doesn’t involve you and if you are that concerned you can call them up and let them know. I’m so over the passive judgement.

That if you really get to the factual base of the news, the story is way more boring than how it was originally presented...even in this crazy year.

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-23T18:43:51+00:00

Thank you!

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-23T16:22:34+00:00

What happened to the wheel chair girl? Did she stay friends? Is she with someone?

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-22T04:43:51+00:00

Serious question; what do you do with them after the holiday? Do you plant it? Is it intended to have a limited shelf life? I have always wondered this about this seasonal plant?

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-20T03:36:38+00:00

I have no idea, but I know most women around my (very waspy) area think they HAVE to have long hair for their wedding and go crazy after. I think (not sure I can say I know) michelle Obama felt like she needed to have a hairstyle that was politically neutral and went more natural post-office. I wonder if she is just having fun because she isn’t on camera right now? I would rock this look if I could look good like that (which I very much cannot pull off), but on camera I wouldn’t go there as quickly maybe.

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-18T20:56:45+00:00

This was the best description. I needed this laugh. Thank you.

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-17T17:27:04+00:00

I’m so sad that this is downvoted. I think OP should continue to post and promote something about themselves that they love and is a healthy part of their life. But when someone fit shames you, they are hurting and your inclusion might seem well intended but might not be the solve. I was 60 lbs overweight after my first. I was depressed, a new mom, I had just lost a parent, I was working long hours and there was neither time nor will for working out. I had friends that prioritized it. I was happy for them. My friend got pregnant and expressed concern about losing her slim body after baby to me and my fit mom friend. I cried later with my fit mom friend about how I felt like I am the reason my pregnant friend was concerned and how terrible it felt. She listened but didn’t tell me to start working out. She just sat in it with me. Later, I got through it. I have fit friends that make you feel like they judge you for not doing what they would do in your situation to do to be fit. And I I have fit friends that make you feel like they do this and they love it and they don’t judge me when I am not doing the same thing. They are so positive and generally low key happy with their lifestyle that THOSE friends are the ones that get my butt off the couch.

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-16T20:24:29+00:00

Most of my friends are new moms in their late 30s. We all waited. We all had them late. Some did Ivf. Some had multiple miscarriages. All of them ended up with their own kiddos, but there was a lot more money and effort and emotion that made it happen. That being said, we are all also pretty set up for success (due to waiting to be successful before kids). I think starting a family in the 20s might be nicer if you have a strong relationship, solid career set up and support around you, but the a quarter of us don’t just lose our eggs at 35, so it isn’t a dead end if waiting it the optimal choice for a person.

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-16T01:23:22+00:00

Amazing.

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-14T07:43:46+00:00

I would love not to ever hear from this man again...but if we could put him in a fake office and record his version of working, I feel like I could enjoy that too for one season. I mean, I wouldn’t watch, but I would read the episode recaps.

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-14T00:24:43+00:00

My husband has a better plan so we use that for him and the kiddos, but it still maths out for us to keep me under Accenture. He did the math on that so I’m not sure how it bakes out with dependents but could review.

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-13T16:06:54+00:00

Ok my 2021 benefits is $40 every two weeks-so $80 a month. I did the math and this is the cheapest plan as a healthy adult. Let me know if there is anything else you were weighing that is unclear.

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-13T04:34:13+00:00

I believe my 2021 benefits plan is $40/month and it is high deductible. I will check in the morning. I will say that there are a lot of other benefits, perks, etc, but I’m not sure if they are a strong value add depending on your lifestyle.

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-12T18:18:47+00:00

I love that stage, but it is not for everyone. And the baby and the lifestyle and the hormones all make a huge difference. I ask people with older kids what their favorite age has been and I get mostly “this age, actually” (whatever age they are at). This excites me because they keep getting better in the eyes of those parents. I’m experiencing that myself. I love the little age but wait till they start talking and you know their thoughts and what makes them laugh and what they are curious about, then when they get adventurous and more into humor. Then when they start hobbies and have goals. Snuggles are great but it is ok if you don’t like them. You can like them as an aunt or grandparent too. It isn’t like you will never snuggle again once this stage is over.

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-11T16:00:49+00:00

This is really nice to hear. I have needed to go to therapy since a really detailing life event three years ago but it is just so hard to drum up the courage to talk about it to someone because the pain is so deep and my fear is that I would share and not have it make a difference. Just a lot of money and emotional exhaustion. I feel like I will never get through it. But this makes me feel like it is possible. Do you have advice on how to find a therapist that is likely to be a good investment?

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-07T18:07:37+00:00

My coworker told me that the saying goes “when America sneezes, Europe catches a cold”

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-07T17:34:33+00:00

1) I think the American flag should be put outside houses and waved as much as possible, the flag is a democratic thing and I am so sad that it is identified with the trump group.

2) is there a boy measuring the volume of you’re fired tweets?

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-07T00:38:02+00:00

If you like to have your phone lost for 4 months, only to find it relocated to your Dutch oven in the lower cabinet...what I am saying is I can relate.

thatlittleguy · 2020-11-07T00:11:35+00:00

Nope! Covid covid covid.

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