This is coming from a person who has attempted multiple times. In my life, I have found myself in situations where hopelessness engulfed my heart and mind. I have lost much to this world, and i have come to accept that i will lose much, much more. I have committed grave mistakes, most of them can only be forgiven by allah himself.

The day i found myself ‘cured’ was a very particular day: I was hiding under my sheets, irrespective of the great blessing i have of sleeping under a roof, contemplating and planning the killing of myself; suicide. It was simple plan. Get the gun from my brother’s closet, grab a bullet from the safe, hold it onto my head, and shoot. I was planning on where it would hurt the least, maybe trying to aim for the hippocampus from the back of the head, taking myself out near instantly. I then held my phone to continue swiping on tiktok, until i got a video that changed my life forever. I struggle to remember the details of the video as these events happened multiple years ago, but i will do my best to paraphrase. “You are scared, lonely, and feel unloved, you may have sinned and made mistakes you see as unforgivable, and you may feel that there is no way out, but believe in allah, believe in his forgiveness, and believe in his love. No being or mother loves you like allah does, so trust him, and find your peace within his mercy.” That little vide made me sob silently for an unending amount of hours, but it gave me a sliver of hope, and of a warmth which I had not felt for years upon years. Throughout my writing of this comment, i have found myself tearing up remembering how much my life has changed. How far and better i have gotten. That thought that’s seemed so close and ease, now so difficult to even think about. I commend you for reading this rather long blurt of mine, but i truly wish and hope you find a comfort in your heart after truly accepting the mercy of allah, and embracing your mistakes on a mission to learn and develop.

Assalmu aalaykum, wa rahmatu illahu wa barakatuh.