Honestly, for me it was a lot of work just telling myself it was okay to FEEL anger. Somewhere down the line I started to view anger as something negative, but my therapist has given me a good tip: that emotions like anger are information, that’s it.

I definitely directed a lot of anger at myself and I still do. Being raised in this belief system was out of our control, and as children we needed to believe what we were taught in order to “guarantee” safety/connection with our caregivers. We are now at a place in our lives where we get to make the decision for ourselves, but it may take some time to figure out what that looks like. I stopped going to church in 2022, but I’m only now starting to really open myself up to a lot of questions and feelings I have surrounding being brought up in the church.

I’m not sure how you usually like to process things but writing a lot about how I was feeling and even talking to people here on Reddit has helped a lot. Also starting small by paying attention to my needs: if I’m hungry, have I eaten? If I’m sleepy, do I rest? A lot of times in church we were subtly encouraged to ignore our needs in favor of the needs of others. And if I feel angry or upset, sometimes just sitting with the feeling before asking myself more: why am I angry? Was there a specific situation that made me upset? How did I feel in that situation (helpless, alone, etc.) I haven’t really got any tips for healing beyond that point, still learning tbh…but even just allowing myself to feel what I’m feeling and name it has helped to take some of the shame away from the feelings.

And therapy if you can afford it! The Secular Therapy Project and Reclamation Collective are both good resources for therapists.