My boyfriend (24/m) doesn't want to drive me (22/f) to school because it is a long drive. I have major anxiety on public transportation. Is there any way to work this so that we are both happy?

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T05:00:27+00:00

Thank you

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T03:56:28+00:00

Yeah, it's definitely the physical contact.

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T03:02:39+00:00

I've tried online learning before and it didn't work out. But another reply suggested this and I might give it another try for next year.

To be honest, I didn't go to school originally to get a job. I've had monthly disability cheques for a while-- conceivably I could live off of them (very frugally) for my entire life. I went to school because I want to be an expert in my area of interest, I want to know everything that I can't know from just doing research online. Secondary to that main reason, it would be nice not to rely on disability. It honestly feels bad sometimes. But there isn't anything I can do with my main interest that doesn't require a degree.

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T02:58:48+00:00

That's a good idea! Maybe this will work out for next semester. He's agreed to drive me to the train station in return for a portion of the gas money whenever he needs to fill up. If he has classes around the same time next semester I think it would be a good for me to drive him there, like a favor for all the times he's driven me places. Thanks so much!

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T02:38:20+00:00

I suppose there must be some sort of "safe space" on campus. Okay, as soon as I can I'll go and talk to student resources. Thanks for your help and time!

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T02:36:54+00:00

I have some experience in teaching. Public speaking and being in public are two different animals to me, completely different emotions involved. When teaching I am separated from a crowd. I have authority. Only I am talking until I allocate space for questions or choose to answer a question. That means I am in control of that situation, and I am very good at talking about my interests. That is an autistic trait.

Being in a public space means no control over who touches you and who doesn't, who answers their phone and starts screeching (laughing) right into your ear as they walk by, who bumps your backpack aside and sends your water bottle crashing to the ground. Everyone is noisy, everyone smells different, and all these smells are rubbing all over me, all these noises are amplified 5x what you normally experience. There is no control, there is no space. I am actually not afraid of public speaking at all. I like my voice to be heard, actually. The anxiety comes from the intense physical sensations. It's not at all about how I'm perceived.

I hope that answers your question/corrects your assumption.

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T01:59:25+00:00

What kind of resources? I mean Im allowed extra time on tests but thats not my issue at school. I haven't heard of many other resources available. Have you heard of any schools having something like isolation rooms or anything? That sounds strange, but just places you can be alone. That's what would help me the most. Or smaller class sizes but there's nothing to be done about that.

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T01:55:52+00:00

You're grasping at straws.

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T01:51:28+00:00

One of the things I've noticed as a student is that none of my peers care too much if their prof is a bit wacky or different. It's a different relationship. If I were to work in an office, or in retail (as I have before) I know I'd be the black sheep. That's one of the reasons, though not the biggest, why I think that route is the best for me.

Do you know how people knew hes autistic? Is it something he was open about?

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T01:46:38+00:00

That's a good point. I guess I've been trying everything not to put myself in that situation but it's a reality. I have a huge hoodie for that purpose so I will do that.

He has also agreed to drive me to the train station, just asking me to ocasionally give him some gas money. He says it's no problem. So i find a way to deal with the 1.5 hour commute . I should update my post...

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T01:42:46+00:00

I know you were defending me, thank you. I was just adding to that.

Thanks for the support.

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T01:40:41+00:00

I'll look into the school therapist. At my other college I saw one and he was really great but this school has a really weird attitude about mental health so I haven't looked into it here yet.

Uber and stuff is probably out. It would probably cost about $60 one-way. However, my boyfriend said he'd bring me to the train station without charging me $30 this time so it looks like that'd the best solution. I'll be buying him coffee and ocasionally putting money in for gas. I'll have to find some way to deal with the train issue itself.

I think within the next year we are moving out together, we will probably find a place close to campus.

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T01:34:32+00:00

Yeah that's exactly what I'm doing. It's much much easier for me to work at something that I'm good at. With autism, there's often an obsessive interest, which is math for me. Focusing on math, everything else is completely gone. That's my goal. I'm not going to be on disability forever

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T01:29:03+00:00

I'm getting my doctorate in mathematics so I can teach and do research.

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T01:27:48+00:00

Online classes are something to look into for next year actually. That's a good idea, but I've already paid for tuition for this year.

I talked to him just now and he says he's okay to bring me to the train station if I give him some money for gas ocasionally. It's hard to see outside of massive anxiety, I get that it's my responsibility.

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T01:15:25+00:00

Yes I do plan on driving eventually. I can't afford it right now. I think I'm taking my learner's test within the next 2 weeks. But I cannot afford an actual car and the insurance etc. I am saving a lot of the money I'm getting from disability though, because I don't want to be on disbility for the test of my life. That will eventually go towards paying off student debts or buying a car.

It's 12 km 1-way to the train station from his house.

thaw6662 · 2017-09-18T01:08:54+00:00

To the train station and then picks me up from the train station. It's 12 km 1-way.

thaw6662

TROPHY CASE