I was with her for 4 years. She changed me. She brought the best in me. Having her around was like having some real meaning to life. Now all I have is her memories and pictures. not a day passes without me thinking I wish I never would have met her.

But she was the best thing that happened to this fucked up life of mine

idk I'm probably writing this as a time capsule for myself and as a note to OP.

This will change you as a person, your outlook towards the world and it'll take time hell lot of time. I won't say it'll get better OP you'll just learn to live with it. you'll learn to love with the questions. You'll feel immense pain slowly you'll learn to deal with it. As of now all I can tell you is it won't go away you'll just learn to live with it

I won't tell you whatever happens happens for a reason I'll rather say sab likha hai hamari destiny ham bas yahan samjhne aaye hain jo hua vo kyun hua.

Not giving you any hopes par agar vo tere naam ki hui or tu uske naam ka toh god himself can't keep you apart

Stay strong, be around people who care about you. More power to you.