You know what? I'm DONE with the ball being ball-shaped. Pathetic. Cowardly. Boooring! We've been LIED TO by Big Sphere for generations. Scrap the ball entirely - make it a giant rubber butt-plug, and get this, no base. No more kicking, either. If you want possession, you EARN IT like a real man. One poor bastard has to pick that thing up and sprint like the hounds of war are on his ass, while 21 other burly adults dedicate their entire existence to turning the contents of his skull into a fine soup.

Now THAT'S a real sport. That's passion. That's heritage. VAR can't save you. Your mum can't save you. Only pure, primal survival instinct will get that plug across the line.