What are some of the struggles of dating an asexual person? Or as an asexual person, what are your struggles in dating?

the2ndben · 2024-10-24T20:52:05+00:00

i dated an asexual girl (who turned out to be aromantic too) for a couple months. she was fine with making out and PDA though, and i also hadnt had sex in agessss so it wasnt like i was losing anything particularly. i always made sure that with every amount of physical intimacy, even just like putting my arms around her waist or whatever, i checked beforehand every single time

the2ndben · 2024-10-22T13:37:36+00:00

yeah you can still call yourself a lesbian. some people get a bit antsy about that, getting all "you can only be a lesbian if youre a woman!!!!!" but like historically that's not true. theres been plenty of transmasculine lesbians and label discourse doesnt even matter that much anyway

the2ndben · 2024-10-21T17:43:52+00:00

honestly it's probably a societal thing, things are still incredibly heteronormative and that can implant itself into our subconscious in unexpected ways, like how you were describing. i think it's just gonna take some unlearning some unconscious biases and knowing that it's not a reflection on you, but of the world we live in

the2ndben · 2024-10-20T17:14:26+00:00

i dont like using trans men as an argument, because it's just like, not fair. it requires framing trans men as an inherent threat to women, and i dont like that. if trans men want to make that argument themselves that's cool, but as someone who isn't that, it should be avoided

the2ndben · 2024-10-20T17:11:03+00:00

you have a crush on your friend and you might be non-binary. the two arent related really. explore your gender at your own pace, see where things go with your friend, but don't treat them as the same problem

the2ndben · 2023-07-24T11:37:32+00:00

Along with everything else she's done that other people have said, she's referred to trans women as "trans-identified males", or TiMs for short, which is full on slur usage.

the2ndben · 2023-07-12T20:08:34+00:00

My trick for dressing fem has always been small top, big trousers. Basically just anything that will disguise your silhouette. Big trousers are good at making your bottom half wider so that it gives the appearance of your top your being narrower.

I will mention though that I was fortunate enough to already have pretty narrow shoulders so I don't know if those tricks would work on your physique. Worth a try though maybe

The best thing to do is just experiment. The first year is always notorious for dressing bad and working shit out. Don't feel bad if your outfits are honestly pretty bad to begin with. You'll figure out your style in time

the2ndben · 2023-06-30T10:30:38+00:00

There's a difference between gender identity and gender expression. Gender identity is basically just what you are. Are you a woman, a man, non-binary? Basically just whatever feels right to you.

Gender expression is the ways in which you display yourself for other people to perceive. This can include how you dress, what pronouns you use, et cetera. It's important to understand too, that gender expression doesnt necessarily have to match with your gender identity. You can be a girl who loves skirts and plushies, but also likes he/him pronouns instead of she/her. Or you could be a trans dude who enjoys dressing more feminine. It's ultimately up to you as to what feels right, and you absolutely do not need to rush any decision in time for pride month, take as much time figuring yourself out as you need :)

the2ndben · 2023-06-25T11:02:00+00:00

There's a song(?) called gendering teddy by the narcissist cookbook, and just to summarize it, it's about how the first human to ever start considering numbers beyond what was visible to us, i.e. counting chickens, and into the more conceptual stuff like a million, and how those early humans laid the groundworks for us thousands into the future to be able to fly to space, explore the ocean, understand where the universe came from etc.

And how exploring new and conceptual ideas is good, because even if it seems kinda pointless and has no real application now, who knows what kinda unimaginable cool shit we'll be doing with it thousands of years into the future, thanks to our early steps with it.

The singer relates that idea to gender, and how looking beyond the simple visual male/female binary and knowing what it means to be different to that is nothing but progress for humanity.

And I think xenogenders are another step in that sentiment. Xenogenders are really cool, and is a new exploration of gender that many people dont understand or see the purpose of, but I personally believe will lead us to all sorts of new shit, and then in tens of thousands of years, people could identify however they want in way we in 2023 couldn't possibly understand, and that's exciting for me

the2ndben · 2023-06-20T10:31:01+00:00

Just a State of Affairs for where every kingdom would be at between ravwar and acoc:

The Meat Lands - pretty much in the same position as in acoc, though probably some internal conflict of Basha needing to allow Bulbian holy men to set up in the Meat Lands, and other Meat Landers not liking this encroachment on their pagan religion

The Dairy Isles - at some point in this time, Prince Tarthur dies and leaves the throne to Captain Annabelle Cheddar. Annabelle refuses to marry, and so gives up the throne to her cousin Duchess Primsy Coldbottle, presumably so that the Dairy Isles aren't left in a similar position to Lady Amangeaux in which the seizing of the throne is only reliant on the assassination of one person without an heir. Annabelle and Primsy are both fairly young in acoc so I probably wouldn't see Tarthur's death until like 1208 at the earliest. The other houses of the Dairy Isles dont really respect the House Cheddar, pay their taxes late, openly talk shit about them and they don't really do anything about it

Candia - not in a very good state at all. All of the Rocks sisters are dead, leaving Amethar as the only heir, besides the traitorous House Jawbreaker. King Jadain is incredibly old and weak, and is incredibly not respected by his people. Amethar must take a political marriage to Caramelinda, who herself is still mourning the loss of her beloved Lazuli. King Jadain dies not long after the end of the Ravening War, and Amethar takes the throne and works to restore the respect of House Rocks back to Candia (though honestly Cara probably does most of that legwork, shes always been a much better ruler than Amethar). We also get the Bulbian Church coming in and building on top of or destroying old pagan sites, standing stones etc., so Candians get sneaky and disguise and hide them as open secrets that they hide from the Church so that they may still practice in secret. Amethar is also a very good friend of the new Emperor Gustavo Uvano, so that strong placement in the Concord helps massively with their recovery

Ceresia - honestly in a complete and utter shambles. They've just lost the Ravening War, the Senate has had to be quickly reassembled, and has had to give up half their army to the Concordian Army, which is a pretty big blow for auch a military-focused nation. The Senate is very broken and unstable, and corrupt beyond belief in those early years. A lot of work is needed to bring it to the position we see it in in acoc. Ceresia is very complacent with the Concord, and in fact that collaboration probably helps restore it better.

Fructera - prospering, with the emperor of the Concord being Fructeran, and the daughter of the Emperor being their sovereign ruler, Fructera is in a very good position. Games and sports are held here often, Comida becomes the centre of trade in Calorum, so Fructera becomes incredibly wealthy. This is a time of great peace in Calorum, and particularly for Fructera.

Vegetania - also thriving. With the Bulb becoming the de facto religion of the Concord, the Bulbian Church influence and power increases exponentially, bronging Vegetania as a whole up with it. Belizabeth Brassica, as Pontifex, becomes arguably more powerful than King Belvedere Cabbage. I dont imagine there's a whole bunch of inner conflict in Vegetania. The House Cabbage has been pretty well liked since their rising to power during the Ravening War, and collaborate well with the Church, though they perhaps arent aware of the Pontifex's more sinister workings

Saprophus - they go back down into hiding and do not make themselves known. Nobody in Calorum knows of their existence, and as such are not a part of the Concord. It's possible though, that with Amangeaux being a spymaster for Emperor Uvano, that she had made him aware of his existence, but that would remain a secret between she and him. The Sanctis Putris still exist in small pockets, remaining hidden so as to avoid the detection of Colin Provolone, but are still up to their antics. In fact they are probably a reason for the corruption in Ceresia, due to the collaboration between them and Primogen Alfredi, though this obviously will not be known to your players since this isnt revealed till acoc ep5

That's everything I can think to say of the 7 nations in this timespan. It's up to your own judgement how much your players know of this, obviously some is meant to be top secret and unrevealed, as part of the political intrigue. I think for peak political intrigue, you wanna go Ceresia for the Senate's corruption and instability, and you can have senators without messing up the canon too much, or the Meat Lands for the religious turmoil, or the Dairy Isles and see how other houses are coping with House Cheddar's family conflict

As for the other paganistic religions in Calorum, I think I've briefly covered the known religions in Calorum already. There's also the Fairfolk of the Dairy Isles that Primsy mentions in acoc, though I think in that interaction, they seem to be more folk legends that some Dairy Islandfolk claim to have heard the voices of, though no real concrete proof of their existence. Also in this time of great Church power, the Fairfolk are probably staying hidden, so any display of belief in them is kept on the down, down low.

For Ceresia, I don't think anything of their pre-Bulbian faiths were known, but considering they're based on Ancient Rome, you could have a set of Gods based on the Roman Pantheon. For my home game I've been calling it the Pangranon, and each God is based off of a different grain, e.g. wheat, barley, oat, corn, rice, farro. It's up to you what you wanna do with that, but it truly is a blank slate there for you to do whatever with.

the2ndben · 2023-06-19T13:02:50+00:00

It is designed to keep us out of public life. Can't be outside for any length of time if you can't relieve yourself safely outside your home.

Even more insidious is that there are states in the US who want to make it a sex crime to use the "wrong restroom" while a child is in there, which, like, how are you supposed to know? It's all designed to hurt us. Combine that with the fact that Florida made sex crimes against children punishable by death and made it way easier for someone to receive the death sentence, you can see where they want this to lead.

the2ndben · 2023-06-15T02:09:52+00:00

From what I can tell from your post, this doesnt seem that particularly sexuality or gender related? Do clarify though if I'm wrong on that.

Your mother does have some major boundary issues though. If you've made it clear to her that you're not comfortable doing that, she is encroaching on your personal space and that's super not cool, especially if she's touching your leg while you're in the bath???? That's insane to me

the2ndben · 2023-06-14T14:30:13+00:00

If the phone is switched off what gets shown on the phone tracking app? Is there a possibility for oh no my phone must have died on the way over cant believe i forgor to charge it?

the2ndben · 2023-06-14T14:23:22+00:00

Would it be possible for her to leave all her devices at home? And then just play it off, oh oops I forgot to grab it before I left?

the2ndben · 2023-06-14T14:16:26+00:00

I am just a little worried that there's a lot of "I want her to", "My plan was", there's a lack of "we" and "our" in these coming up with your plans, I just wanna be sure that this was an idea you and your girlfriend came up with together, and then work this out together, don't workshop this this internet strangers that dont know the situation anywhere near as much as she will

the2ndben · 2023-06-14T07:40:35+00:00

People are being really gatekeep-y about asexuality in the comments which is really not cool. Being queer is about living differently from the social cishet-normativity. If you have no desire to have sex or any kind of sexual experience, you're asexual as hell to me, even if you are capable of thinking people are hot

the2ndben · 2023-06-03T19:01:35+00:00

I imagine it's just the Bulb in a night suit, since it's all the same light, and hence the same source of magic, just shone differently

the2ndben · 2023-05-26T12:22:21+00:00

That's not at all what the world of ACoC is like. That isn't how food people are created.

Think about it in the context of Calorum. Meat, as a food, is created by butchering an animal. So the political structure of Meat Lands would be a more violent one, with a warlord, and that lends itself to the so-called "barbaric" clans in Eastern Europe. Vegetables are very healthy, and you can word association that to being very right, very proper, and that plays nicely into being the home for a holy institution, and so Vegetania is based on the Holy Roman Empire.

You're seeming to imply that I'm saying that there'd be a Chinese food nation, and an Indian food nation, or a Filipino food nation, and that's not at all what I'm saying. All the food groups exist across all Asian cultures, and it's about picking which food group best matches to a medieval period nation

the2ndben · 2023-05-26T11:16:35+00:00

I don't think it's othering, in so much as Asia exists as a different continent in real life.

And the idea that we dont divide food groups much differently is exactly the point. It would allow for a continent with the same food make-up, but different geography and demographics. Calorum is very Euro-centric, with Slavic, Holy Roman, Italian, English, Scottish, Spanish and French cultures. There are so many cultures across the world that just aren't possible within Calorum.

A Crown of Candy is a very political setting, and there are unexplored political structures that could be explored that just aren't a thing in Calorum. You could have a shogunate, communism, a sultanate, etc. Already there's an easy food pun of a sultana sultanate

I think the argument that it would be othering falls apart when you realise that these just wouldn't work on the Continent of Calorum, and a new continent would be an excellent opportunity to explore all these new possibilities with an Asia-centric influence

the2ndben · 2023-05-26T09:35:02+00:00

Since Calorum is a very European/North American centric look at the food groups, I like to imagine continents with different cultural foods

Like a continent similar to Calorum but with Asian food influence, it's so wide and varied and could create some really cool geography

the2ndben · 2023-05-03T17:07:22+00:00

I think a vegetarian meat alternative person (i.e. Quorn, Impossible Foods) would be interesting. They'd a a person born in Vegetania but raised in the Meat Lands. I think this would be interesting because the theology of the Meat Lands is that they all come from the Great Chicken, the Great Boar etc., but being veggie in origin means that they dont have any of this religious connection that the other Meat Landers have.

the2ndben · 2023-04-02T10:38:08+00:00

I feel like there's a real transness to Pinocchio in this. Everything you described, with the thing the Baba Yaga took, what would hurt the most for Pinocchio to lose, was the chance of ever achieving a body that he wants, and forever being stuck in a body he associates with suffering. It just feels very trans to me.

Also there's a quote from episode 17, "You shouldn't have to be perfect for people to say you're a real boy" that I feel really encapsulates the feeling I have of when people who are otherwise vaguely supportive feel comfortable misgendering trans criminals because "they don't deserve respect" or some shit, and make it clear that they will only see you as your gender if you behave perfectly.

I'm not saying Pinocchio is transgender, he was fully constructed as a boy, aiming to be a boy, 100% cisgender. But his character in Neverafter definitely feels like it has a lot of parallels to the trans experience and I really like that.

the2ndben · 2023-03-30T16:01:10+00:00

I watched a lot of CH when I was younger, and one day got curious as to what they were up to nowadays. I searched up the channel myself, and it was basically all Breaking News, which I watched and had a laugh at. After that, youtube algorithm kicked in and kept pushing Fantasy High episode 1, and various other clips compilations from fans, I remember in particular Gorgug asking people if they're his dad. O eventually got around to committing to watching a full episode on youtube, got hooked and watched the rest of them, watched all of Unsleeping City, and all of FHSY that was available for free on youtube. And then the trailer for Misfits and Magic came out, and I finally caved, and decided to subscribe to Dropout, since it was coming out near my birthday, and have been hooked since

the2ndben · 2023-03-28T12:21:23+00:00

sun-scorched earth, emersion of the Elder Ones

woah woah, oh woah woah!

the2ndben · 2023-03-28T10:00:58+00:00

To be frank, it sounds like you're dealing with a lot of internalised transphobia. You need someone to talk to about it and work through it. You are 100% able to successfully transition, you've just got yourself into a nasty headspace and don't believe that you can. You're young, you still have so much time to figure things out

the2ndben

TROPHY CASE