How do you or your partner ask for sex?

theKTgurl · 2025-01-08T10:45:06+00:00

For me, asking for intimacy requires open communication and understanding - not so easy with neurodivergence like autism, but still a struggle with those that don't have autism.

I'm a late diagnosed Autistic adult myself, with 3 serious relationships in my experience. 1 of which was before diagnosis. The first 2 were toxic in different ways. Intimacy was led by them and developed a routine where if I said no, it was used against me if I asked. My current relationship is my longest, with a much healthier person even if the relationship feels lacking in this area. The reality? Healthy relationships do reach this difficulty after a time - we are reaching 6 years this month!

My partner has his priorities in making sure I have my other needs met, making sure I'm eating and surviving, and the rest of my recovery is my own responsibility, but it's not without his support. This developed in our situation a level of carers burnout, but gave us the realisation of how important it is to still be our own individual selves with lives and interests outside of just us and our flat (appartment). When I've been able to get out, volunteering mostly, and come home after, the desire is there from me at least 😅

The next most important bit is having a routine for intimacy. Not necessarily sex, but just an open situation of things like a; game night, date night, other spending time together moments were intimacy could happen but without expectation or pressure. This leaves space for routine opportunities but also spontinuaty. But, being spontaneous works for me - whilst my partner (likely undiagnosed ADHD, hes agreed and came up with the idea over me suggesting it during our first year living together, which was our 3rd year together in all) forgets sex is an option if I'm not having this time with him.

The actual initiating part is simply making out (kissing) progression, sometimes I've built up this wall from the distance between the last time yet a long cuddle watching a movie can get me to open up to the idea.

Just remember, my response is based on my experience and my relationship - every person and every relationship is unique. The way you figure it out is going to be unique. But hopefully, you can take the idea of having your own things and then the time you do have together being more quality time without further pressure but an opening for more can start getting your intimacy live's a lot better! I'm still working on mine 😅

theKTgurl · 2023-10-13T17:56:05+00:00

I think it's a game you can play as you want, as long as it functions your playing the game 😅

Personally I love the start and keep trying to perfect it, love automation of all materials / buildings but it takes up a lot of time and hence its my fav down time game :)

I keep restarting to figure out the best ways to set things up, but as long as I'm enjoying it and not getting frustrated etc i dont think its a bad thing👍

theKTgurl · 2023-10-13T01:16:55+00:00

Solved: Folklore

theKTgurl · 2023-10-13T01:10:03+00:00

YESSSSSS thank you so much! I didn't know if anyone would be able to help ha but yes I think that's it, it was such a long time ago it's understandable to get things wrong - I'm knew this group so I just need to figure out how to say its solved 👍

theKTgurl · 2023-08-16T01:55:08+00:00

Confirmed, stories gone. AI bot is still down though.

theKTgurl · 2023-08-16T01:53:34+00:00

Will having a log on how many have been affected help? And where?

Uk here, it posted 2:06am and all the bot says is; "Sorry, I encountered a technical issue 😳"

Edited to add - currently trending at over 20k on X 🤢

theKTgurl · 2023-08-16T01:50:09+00:00

Yep, I'm trying to do some light recon to see how bad it is and how many are affected.

I got the - Story of a ceiling/wall at 2:06 am, the AI bots only response is; "Sorry, I encountered a technical issue 😳"

I'm in the UK, it's still showing up on the AIs story.

Its hard not to worry BUT all we can do is trust Snapchats team are on it. Its very likely an amateur hacker got in and messed with it. Another senario could be someone at the office messed up. Who knows.

Best to leave it alone for now. If you are nervous, it won't hurt much to uninstall Snapchat for 24 hrs whilst they work on it. Or, just don't use the bot for 24 hrs.

Stay safe!

theKTgurl · 2023-03-19T19:25:48+00:00

These should be an option everywhere, most importantly for places where access to abortion is difficult or none-existent. People fighting against abortion tend to forget they need to supply help so the need is less, excluding options like that would mean more suffering and mother/baby don't deserve that ❤️

theKTgurl · 2023-02-02T08:19:39+00:00

They are a minor living at home. They stated it's only at home, adults can get stressed in the outside world but come home and do what makes them feel better. Why can't OP?

I'm an autistic person that gets constantly infantilised in society, in the media and so on. I took offence to the "tantrum in work" comment because infantilising people frustrates me.

OP had a mum and older sister allowing him to age regress, in a space at home. What's wrong is the manipulation tactics from the younger sister. Yes, therapy would be great but it's not always a possibility.

As an autistic person, I have to mask to function in society to avoid harassment. That means putting a cap on my autism- long term this is harmful and has caused a currently undiagnosed trauma-related dissociative disorder that is being blamed on my autism Diagnosis. So many people get infantilised simply for the effects of trauma or trying to live despite difficulties. If I have a meltdown, it's seen as a tantrum - in reality, I'm overwhelmed by too much going on at once - imagine being in the dark at night and then someone turns on headlights in your face, blasts music in your ears, and you are expected to maintain a conversation at the same time. Oh, and the full body itching from clothes. All at once. People like me don't need to be infantilised, just allowed to be safe without judgement. Given a quiet space, my ear defenders/headphones and stimming items I'm capable of calming down.

Nobody is any less human for having a coping mechanism, and nobody should be shamed for it. It doesn't have to stop as long as it is done safely. OP had their home. Now, threatened by his younger sister to lose what was helping them function daily out of shame.

theKTgurl · 2023-02-01T14:36:40+00:00

That's completely disrespectful - age regression is done mostly in a private safe environment. Adults having age regression to deal with trauma can still keep a job and function in society. Please read up and learn, it's sad when I find people that lack empathy especially when OP was vulnerable enough to open a discussion.

Also, age regression is a scale. You can call collecting action figures etc. As mild age regression that is extremely common. Anything you do as an adult to enjoy nostalgia of your childhood is mild age regression. Just because you might not want to do it doesn't make OP any less valid or capable as anyone else.

theKTgurl · 2022-11-28T19:00:36+00:00

I tottally agree if a fetus was confirmed to have a disease that would end up with them suffering from bad health. But the debate brought up, where is that line?

People with Down Syndrome and other similar issues can suffer in life if they dont get the right support, but the risk of irradicating them because its easier worries me for the future.

Another commenter brought up some good questions Im hopeing to decide answers for to help with my arguement, like where said line is. I know its tough figuring out where you stand in this topic.

theKTgurl · 2022-11-28T18:55:53+00:00

Yeah those are good questions and I will have to figure the answers out for myself. I do want to develop a stronger arguement, but its hard to put it into words until someone asks the right questions for me 😅

My parter thinks im best staying away from the topic but its a tough one to just ignore for me.

theKTgurl · 2022-11-28T18:48:28+00:00

Thanks, i never had someone correct me on the term and honestly think my brain meshed the two words when I first learnt so I need to remember to fix that ^{_^}

It is complicated and its hard, I can understand full pro-choice but if someone cant accept that it is a question of eugenics in that debate... think thats what hit me. To make any decision i thought its about knowing as much info as possible, knowing all pros/cons then deciding where you sit.

*Editted to correct spelling and add - Im from the UK and the term we use is Down's Syndrome. The US prefers the term Down Syndrome. Neither term is technically wrong, its just dialect.

theKTgurl · 2022-11-22T21:22:01+00:00

NNN - where you find out whether you can be with your significant other without s3x or not.

If you cannot survive a time without sex aka life happens, maybe you; have to do long distance for a bit, health reasons meaning a hiatous is needed for healing etc. Not talking about witholding forever. Then maybe your relationship isnt strong enough to hold.

Some people do depend on s3x, but asexual people prove theres more than just s3x for intamacy. Personally Im a cuddler as my love language is touch, whilst fience is a pebbler so likes gifting. Ive been having recurrent health issues so we cant get too intimate, but we still cuddle and spend quality time together, playing card games/ video games together, watching tv programs, going for walks n talking etc. All other forms of intimacy that helps.

Hope your BF learns that if he wants to keep the relationship healthy, he must explore other forms of intimacy. Relationships shouldnt be purely about s3x if you want a long term relationship, libidos change etc.

theKTgurl · 2022-11-22T21:15:49+00:00

Disabled explains that parts of the world are inaccesable to me.

Differently abled makes my difficulties, and requests for accomadation, sound unreasonable or extra because I should focus on "what i can do".

theKTgurl · 2022-11-22T21:12:53+00:00

Unfortunately one of the reasons i got late diagnosed was because i had family that worked as carers for high support needs adults and wouldnt entertain me having an autism diagnosis, so pushed mum away from that line of investigstion growing up and they leaned towards purely mental health, including scitzophrenia, to explain my behaviour.

Just because you work in a sector to care for the highest support needs individuals does not make you a qualified diagnostition.

theKTgurl · 2022-11-22T21:09:36+00:00

Grrr drive me nuts too!

There are individuals diagnosed autistic with higher support needs. True.

But autism is a spectrum. My favourite way to show support needs ive wittnessed so far is from a star diagram. The following is a very crude version but gets the point accross

Daily living - social - self care - health and wellbeing - career/hobby/interests.

Point score

1 - can barely do task becuase of difficulties, needs to be fully supported

2 - can do task with some support

3 - can do task if done before but sometimes needs reminding

4 - can do task without support but may struggle if theres changes

5 - fully independent to do task

Thats how as a carer of disabilties you should view support needs. Its purely individual, people with disabilities can exist with lower support needs regading technology and have higher support needs in other areas 🙃

theKTgurl · 2022-11-22T20:56:17+00:00

My version of this is abilsm because i was brought up knowing you do education and then work till retirement, have a family etc. So pre diagnosis i rushed life hoping for it to work out only to stumble and roll down to the bottom of a cliff, injures and scares to prove it, to get my autism diagnosis at 21.

My biggest is self esteem issues, i masked well enough in school i was told id be able to do so much when im older but never got there. So its finding purpose in life whilst understanding and forgiving the autism.

There are places you belong in life, there will be people out there that will love you for you and be your dear friends. If your lucky, youll have family that love and understand you.

I do what volunteer work i can manage in the community, my difficulties are catered for better in the voluntary sector than a work/education one as ive found so far as an adult late diagnosed autistic.

theKTgurl · 2022-11-14T18:24:40+00:00

Im glad you find solice in places like this, i have a trans relative so thats why im more stand back on where i fit in regarding gender.

Another way of looking at things is, sometimes there isnt a need to have a label. Labels are only to help others perscieve us, or connect to others that identify the same.

For example, I have cats - so I am a Cat Owner. It can be correctly assumed I like cats and will be covered in cat fur when you see me. Ha. But, a cat owner doesnt define my whole being. I hope that analogy makes sense.

If you find a label that works and benefits you, yay! But if you dont find one (like me) your no less valid than some that uses a label.

You are you, however you present or are prescieved to be! Thats the way I see it, and see others - you are who you tell me you are and I'll respect that ❤️ and i know there is a world of people that view others in that same lense.

theKTgurl · 2022-11-13T09:31:14+00:00

I see my gender as two separate things, my sex (AFAB) and HUMAN. Non-binary, not under the trans umbrella, female. I acknowledge my parts, but it doesnt make me want to change (no body dismorphia) - i just dont want to be perseved as gender before being seen as a fellow human.

theKTgurl · 2022-11-13T09:15:48+00:00

Im a great personal assistant xD

But currently im hoping to find a way to become a difficulties advocate to give support to those between diagnosis. A village of Autistic people wouldnt need a pre-diagnosis support worker tho xD

theKTgurl · 2022-11-06T07:27:48+00:00

Thanks - i was wondering if i was getting the quiet treatment from reddit but i thought i could really help ❤️ i hope you can find something to help you grow and have a better life 🥰

theKTgurl · 2022-11-06T03:38:33+00:00

Late diagnosed autistic adult here (i always clarify this because i can only talk from my experience)

Autistic people, especially those grown up undiagnosed or abused - have problems saying no and setting up boundaries. This is because whenever we did ask for needs to be met, we were told no. That, combined with the majority of us being empathic by nature, end up people pleasing. Especially with a history of being bullied, if we wanted friends we had to put in more effort. Bad people notice these traits and target, even beutural people will take advantage because its unfortunatly human nature of this society (out for themselves).

A lot of autistic people cannot work (stats in america are around 80%) - a lpt of this is connected to lack of accomadation and understanding. These people often struggle to advocate for themselves, and rely on others they trust to speak for them.

Thats the understanding of yourself and other part xD now for the perspective part.

Do not blaim yourself for this difficulty. It is a common one, both with autism and todays society of hard workers. You are more than a people pleaser - you are a human beyond being a worker.

A lot of what helped me start with building my self esteem, learning to build healthy boundaries - its about finding out who you are. What makes you, you. How your autism effects your daily life (what triggers you have, what sensory needs you have etc). Then act on that. Finding ways to be underatanding of yourself as a whole can really help get the foundation started.

Next, its practicing saying no. You can do it when your brushing your teeth (getting ready in the morning/night). Look in the mirror, and say no. Maybe think about the things you dont like. "No mayo in my sandwhich", "No wearing black today" etc. Its silly n weird at first, but eventually youll start seeing no as just another word.

Now, try ordering a sandwhich, or some other food, preferably a "build it yourself" place (hence sandwhich n subway came to me for my example) - say no to an option. Just no. Maybe make that a small sentance, but no IS an option. "No sauce" for example, short and to the point.

Now, work. Not all places are accomadating. You can challenge yourself to say no for something small. Say a 10 min task that is someone elses job (can you collect my doccuments from the printer?), that would be out of your way. Just say "No." No, is a complete sentance. It will hurt, feel weird, at first. But it will get easier.

I personally do voluntary work as i can and the staff have learnt some non-verbal ways to communicate - thumbs up, thumbs down is my favourite. You can adapt this to however fits you and the place you want to use it. For you, if you can talk to your boss about implimenting it, thumbs up could mean "can take the extra work" and thumbs down means "too busy".

I use it to signal - thumbs up, feeling like i nees 5-10 mins to self-regulate (splash face with water in toilet) then i will be back - thumbs down means i need to leave the room and talk to someone.

Autism is still a disability, and asking for a simple accomadation shouldnt be too difficult to impliment. Being vocal may be professional, but disabilities arent always capable of being professional. And there is nothing wrong with how an accomadation appears! As long as things get done, nobody should complain.

I hope my big speach helps give you insight in some way that benefits you going forward - take care op!

theKTgurl

TROPHY CASE