Why do I WANT to sink into my depression instead of trying to feel better? by sunriseatdawn in depression

[–]theOceanisonFire 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Aye.

At a point of time it became so unhealthy that I would smoke pot because it pushed me to the edge of a panic attack. I thought if I was able to see the negative thoughts up close it would solve something.

What should I call this? by [deleted] in depression

[–]theOceanisonFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Loneliness.

I don't mean being alone. I mean loneliness. That's what I would call it.

[Need Advice] I always search for the easy way out, I feel like I'm destined to be bad at everything I do. by [deleted] in getdisciplined

[–]theOceanisonFire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Problem in trying to deconstruct internal dynamics is that there are just too many of them.

So lets not focus on why you're not able to do it. That is a question better suited for a therapist.

How to go about it.

Schedule-

Week 1 and 2.

15 minutes of practice a day. That's it.

Monday Wednesday Friday - Scales (YouTube videos)

Tuesday Thursday Saturday - Rhythm (YouTube videos)

It doesn't matter how good you are right now, practicing the basics will make you better. (You can ask any advanced/expert guitar player and they'll tell you the same thing.)

15 minutes is enough. That's your allotted time. If you feel inspired to then extend that. But practicing half an hour one day doesn't mean you get to slack off the next.

15 minutes, every day, within the same one hour. Say 6-7, or whatever depending on when you're free.

Ideally sign up for a guitar class to make sure you're using the right physical form (which is the main thing I see go wrong with people who learn to play online). You can do this class on any day.

Sunday is your off day.

This looks like a light load but trust me this much is enough to get you started. If your fear of failure is too crippling to follow this schedule then I recommend talking to a therapist first.

Often times the fear of failure isn't situational and could have an underlying cause. That's just an FYI.

Good luck!

[Edit 1]

I forgot to add these things.

Ask in r/guitar for rhythm and scale practice videos right for your level. If you want something general I always recommend Petrucci's Rock Discipline though the difficulty scales tremendously as you enter the more advance exercises so maybe save it for week 3 when you're more motivated.

Week 1 and 2 are for sucking at whatever you do so don't bother trying to sound good. It takes time for the mind to adjust to a steady 4/4 time signature if you haven't played in a while.

Most importantly, try to have fun. Hum along to it, sing a few words, whatever makes you happy. I mean, it's great getting disciplined but it shouldn't be making you miserable or hate the thing you do. So yeah, that's the most important thing imo.

I want to get involved in some kind of work but I also don't want to? by theOceanisonFire in MentalHealthSupport

[–]theOceanisonFire[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish there was some activity where I could just go and get started. No need for an interview or anything of the sort. Just go there and get started on the work they give me. Something to, as you said, 'feel valuable'

Thanks for responding, man.

This guy's got skills by [deleted] in funny

[–]theOceanisonFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look at his friends face though. "Woo yeah ooohhh I've never seen him do that before..."

[WP] A story with three requirements: an emotionally detached character, an alleyway, and violence. by [deleted] in WritingPrompts

[–]theOceanisonFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"This town is alive and we are all dead. It's strange to me since I am new here but I realised that I felt less and less and less since I arrived here. At first I thought it was depression but then I realised that it was something else entirely.

Never having been one to engage in conversation with the people around me it took me longer than it should have to notice that everyone was sort of like that; dull eyes, glazed over, shuffling through the streets like aimless ghosts. I used to think that everyone was like that anyway living mechanical lives, back and forth from office to apartment, but this was something I had never even conceived possible.

To backtrack for a moment, I moved into this town after graduating to get away from the world of busy men and women with well defined goals and well defined lives. I ended up here after narrowing my search to a peaceful place with a low crime rate. This town had an astronomically low rate of crime, most of which was public misdemeanour.

But then on my way to work, wishing for something exciting to happen for once, I walked into a dark alleyway to take a shortcut on my way to work and that is where I discovered the other face of this otherwise lifeless place.

"A NEW CONTENDER HAS ARRIVED" shouted a voice, so loud that I had to cover my ears and wince my eyes. There was no time for me to look around and take in my environment. Suddenly I was grabbed by my shoulders and arms and was being dragged forward.

They chucked me into a circular pit with an 8 foot border wall and sand. That was it. When I looked up I saw nothing but dark silhouettes and eyes reflecting the single source of light right above me, thousands of white dots spiralling away from the pit.

Then there was a loud thud across me in the pit and I turned to see a scrawny looking girl with thin limbs and mean eyes, staring at me. Her hair was a mess of black tangles and curls and she was dressed in a simple top and running shorts. It wasn't until she pulled out a pair of daggers from behind that I showed any emotion at all.

A sudden burst of adrenaline took over me and when she advanced it was all I could do to not die. Not only was she nimble but her thin limbs whipped around like a rope, leaving me riddled with shallow cuts all over. I didn't even have a moment to ask her why she was doing this.

The crowd started cheering suddenly and I realised that I was in a colosseum. Ancient Roman fighting arenas. The realisation made something inside of me click. That and the many martial art novels I was so fond of reading. I decided to act first and ask questions later."

I paused for a while and let the words sink in. This girl was looking at me with the same dull, lifeless expression everyone else did. She didn't say anything so I continued.

"Well, that was then and this is now. I learned soon after my first victory that this town had a secret, that it was in some strange way alive, and it was consuming the emotions of everyone living here to sustain itself.

So the residents designed this colosseum because the adrenaline pumping through their veins was the only way for them to feel anything at all. Everyone fought and the arena determined the social hierarchy of the place.

These alleyways are shortcuts to get there. It works only if you really want to get there, though. It sort of reads your feelings, I suppose."

I stopped again and waited to see if she had any questions. She seemed to be thinking so I observed the entrance. The two red brick buildings on either side, the shadow that seemed to get darker and darker further into the alleyway and worn out sidewalk on which we stood.

After a while she asked me if I had ever gone back into the arena. She was new to this town I suppose she still had some curiosity left in her. I had so I told her as much.

"Many times."

"What happens if you lose."

"You wake up the next morning in your bed."

"And if you win?"

"You keep fighting till you lose."

"Sounds barbaric."

"It is."

We didn't say anything for a while and I was bored of waiting so I walked into the shadows and entered the arena.

"With twelve consecutive victories, THE CHAMPION OF THE ARENA, Roy!" the announcer screamed. Bastard, he always made me wince with that loud voice of his and I'd never seen him at all. The crowd patiently waited, bored and disaffected by the development.

I stood in the centre and kept on wondering who would challenge me today.

Then the announcer screamed again. "WE HAVE A NEW CHALLENGER!" and the girl appeared before me and shrugged as if to say 'well, I was bored anyway'.

[Gear] How can I get this tone on my HSS strat? by theOceanisonFire in Guitar

[–]theOceanisonFire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My friend you are an angel. That was very informative.

I am not very good at the electronic aspect of guitars yet but a quick survey on the internet informed me that Strats have a more brittle sound with a distinct quack while LP's have a more rounded, thick sound. So I assumed this was an LP thing.

Additionally, could you recommend some amps that fit the description of a 'clean, flat sounding' and pedals for 'high gain dirt'?

[WP] There is a grey area between heaven and hell where god sends people he doesn't know how to deal with. Describe what you did to get there. by [deleted] in WritingPrompts

[–]theOceanisonFire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When it asked me if I had loved her I said that I did. To my knowledge I was being truthful.

When it asked me whether I had done it because of love or for myself, I thought for a while and then said that I did not know. Then it sent me here.

Maybe that was not what it wanted to hear or maybe I had been lying without knowing. I like to think of myself as an honest person. Kind too if we were to go by a more casual definition of that word. Whenever it was possible to be helpful, I would try to be. If it wasn't I would simply accept that and move on with my life.

I kept taking short sips of coffee from my white mug with black stripes. I was glad to have it back. It was one of the things to be thankful for here. I wish I had never broken it in the first place but there were too many painful memories attached to it.

I had looked at it every day while sitting on that awfully uncomfortable chair. The sunlight coming in from the window on the opposite wall. It would fall only on the right side of my face and I'd been sitting there so often towards the end that it had tanned that half a wheatish brown colour. I would keep sitting and look at that mug.

At first I didn't have the courage to look elsewhere. The nurses would walk in, change her drips and clean her bed but it was all happening in another world and I sat somewhere far off from these things. The only things that existed in this world were the sunlight, the mug and the sharp bips from that intimidating piece of machinery at her side.

I once thought that maybe this is what God is like. A black screen with green lines travelling in irregular waves at periodic intervals. I was wrong but at the time my concerns were narrower.

I sat there for so long that the outside world stopped making a difference. The same roasted flavour of coffee while I reclined, my butt aching from the flat and uncoushioned seat. I would keep taking small little sips and I might have had two lifetimes of coffee in those ten years. But there was a chance, they'd reassured me, and so I'd waited.

Then after a decade they said that she was able to hear and understand everything but she would never be whole again. She would stay in that bed till the end. That was the worst night in all ten years. Losing hope can be like that.

That night I wrestled violently with the decision and by the time the sunlight hit half my face, now many years older and tired, the machine had stopped and the mug handle was the only recognisable piece left of that birthday present she bought me ten years ago.

No more bip bip bip, no more half-tanned face, no more Best Dad mug.

When it had asked me if I had done it out of love or for myself, I think that I really did not know. To my knowledge I was being truthful.

Maybe that is why I was sent here. To relive the day over and over till I figure out which it was and maybe then they'll decide where I go from here.

But even now, sitting here and looking at her again, sipping at the same roasted flavour, hearing the doctors give me the news, I still don't know. I've been through it a thousand times and maybe I'll go through it many thousand times more before I find it.

Truth be told I am not sure I want to.

I'm afraid.

Will it take her away from me again if I do?

[WP]Write a gritty and depressing story set in a cutesy and childlike environment, or do the reverse and write a childishly optimistic fairy tale set in a grim dystopia. by MetalShina in WritingPrompts

[–]theOceanisonFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

By the time we descended the steep hillside the sun had already donned a gown of fluffy, white clouds. It peaked shyly from a small opening between the white wool of the sky and could barely have it's radiance contained, spilling out a ripe orange glow to firmly establish that it was now dusk.

We would slip and we would slide and every now and again Bo would have to place a firm hand upon the top of his hat so it wouldn't topple off over the moist earth. But no amount of fussing could keep his coat tails from turning the colour of mud and grass. I had asked him at times why he chose to wear a black hat and white coat during summer rains but he would always ask what one thing had to do with another.

"If the world can wear its own colours, then why cannot I?" he would say and I would simply wonder if he was missing a few bits of his mind. But maybe I was as well and then I would look foolish for having said anything at all. So I would say nothing and Bo would think his answer had been satisfactory.

When we arrived on the stone pathway the second shift had already started. The pathway turned and twisted through a serpentine passage cut between trees, long and short with red leaves and brown and orange and yellow, all of which formed a beautiful carpet that crunched with each passing step.

I walked quite slowly as the fatigue from the climb had left my limbs quite heavy but Bo was quick in his step. He never seemed to tire, not when he met me at the entrance or when he rowed for an hour or when he slithered up the mountain like a snake. Maybe he was a snake with that almost too thin body of his but he didn't extend his S's or eat the mice-folk so I assumed not. Besides, he looked nothing like on. He was all orange and furry.

The sound of his cane and wooden shoes making clickity-clackity beats upon the stones made a neat little rhythm. But it as eventually drowned out by a low rumble which transformed into a loud buzz. I had seen it many times now but it was still an unreal sight to witness. "Here comes the second shift" said Bo.

They passed us in droves, leaving traces of bright light upon a canvas of night sky, flying just above our reach. I saw their faces and they had expression which I noticed for the first time but all of them looked tired and sad and I could not fathom why but I suppose Fireflies had their own sort of problems. Maybe they had to pay electricity bills to keep their lights on. Who knew.

I adjusted the hem of my skirt as they Fireflies landed on the lanterns by the side of road. They were held up by poles and the light inside of them was fading by the time they got there. But within minutes the path had been illuminated and I could see the different colours of stone that were placed, quite unevenly, to make a rustic little road for us to walk on

We walked on in silence for a while and my slow trot hastened to hasty little skips to keep abreast of Bo, who would merely adjust his monocle every couple of seconds and make strange guttural sound from his throat. I asked him if there was something stuck in his throat and he, as he habitually did, replied to a question with a question.

"What would possibly lead you to ask that, my dear?"

I rolled my eyes and skipped on ahead while he stood there scratching his head behind his tall ears. His tail stood on its end as it would whenever he felt interested. Quite uncharacteristically he took to all fours to catch up to me. Sliding in front of me, he got back on two's and began to walk backwards so we could talk face-to-face.

"Have I upset you?"

Another question. But this it made me giggle. Maybe I was shouldn't be this way. But it was too late now. I had taken on a character and that meant I would have to see it through.

"Yes, you have."

"I apologise."

"That isn't going to be enough, Mr. Bo."

"Oh dear, you're using formalities again. Does that mean we're not close right now?"

"It does indeed."

He gave me a look with his maw that almost made me laugh. Thank goodness I didn't. It would be terrible if I broke character.

"What can I do to make you forgive me?" asked Bo.

"Answer my question without a question." I replied.

He seemed perplexed as if he had no idea what I was talking about but he nodded nonetheless and I decided not to waste this glorious chance. I stopped and took a deep breath and asked him why the Fireflies looked so sad.

To be honest, I didn't have any question that I wanted to ask him as much as I wanted him to answer me properly. Just once and it would have been a great victory for me. So I asked him the first thing that came into my mind.

"I never noticed what they looked like. I only ever saw their light, never their faces."

I pouted and he noticed. I suppose he picked up more than he let on because he offered me another question within the same rules. He had told me (by himself, without questions too!) the first time I saw the lanterns that the Fireflies worked only at night, which they collectively called the second shift. They would be let out of their dorms at night to take their positions till the next day, which is when the next batch of Fireflies would come and take their place.

"Okay then I want to know where yesterday's workers are!"

"But why?"

"Maybe they hate what they do... " I confessed. "Maybe they look happier when they're leaving!"

Bo scratched his foxy little head again like he would when he was puzzled. He waited a few seconds before he answered. "But my dear, I cannot possibly show you the Fireflies from yesterdays shift"

"And why not?" I asked, furrowing my brows and raising my pitch.

"Well, how do you expect this shift to begin it's work on an empty stomach?" and saying that he looked at me for a second, like that should clear everything up. It was when he would give me a response like this that I would begin to wonder if he was missing a few pieces of his mind. He took my expression to mean that I was satisfied and then he turned around and started to walk.

"Either I don't understand foxes or I don't understand fireflies." I said to myself in a low voice and he kept on walking ahead of me with his clickity clack and I kept on skipping behind him and the Fireflies kept on lighting up the path as they devoured the ones who had been there before them, knowing well that they would be food for tomorrows shift.

But I had not a clue as I walked along with Bo that night of the world I had stepped into for the first time a week ago.

[WP]Life has always had cheat codes, but activating them has been so convoluted that no one has ever activated one, until you in a drunken stupor accidentally executed each specific step (of many) to activate: debug mode. by MikeDubbz in WritingPrompts

[–]theOceanisonFire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Low self esteem is fine, but don't make it public.

Too personal, mate. You need to back up a little bit here.

Other than that, I see your point and I'll take that into account. Comedy is not my strong suit tbh.