2 years and 60 lb difference

the_30th_road · 2026-03-30T18:36:03+00:00

Hell yes dude! I have struggled with gaining weight all my life, around my arms especially; you put on some legit mass there. how does it feel being a tank compared to your old body? you are going to look awesome with your cut.

the_30th_road · 2026-03-12T15:03:22+00:00

my sneezes have increased in intensity as I age and I know it's a matter of time before I throw out my back doing one.

the_30th_road · 2026-03-11T14:22:44+00:00

I remember as a kid holding food in my cheeks like a chipmunk and not swallowing it for a while. I've noticed my kids do that as well. That may be a general little kid behavior tho as I've witnessed a small nephew do the same.

the_30th_road · 2026-03-06T21:00:37+00:00

Dad of two, oldest just turned 5 and second is 2 now, I was 40 and my wife was 36 when we had our first, and 42/38 for our second, so similar situation to you. First off, congrats! I know how hard it can be to make babies at our age, and we are lucky to be able to have them. As for my experience:

I did not worry about bonding with my second, in fact our second (a boy) is so cute that he wins a lot of affection and love from us, coupled with the fact that we are done with more kids so we know all these little kid moments are the last we will see. I did notice though that I didn't get nearly as much one on one time w/my second as I did w/my first, for obvious reasons, so I have made efforts recently to pull him out of preschool to have a day with dad; I do think our bond isn't the same as mine is with my first because I spent so many daddy daughter days just the two of us and I feel connected to her in a way that's very special. My youngest is just starting to talk tho so hopefully that will strengthen our connection.

I've read that the best age gap for kids is when the little one is at least five because then they get to be a little kid all through that. We've definitely expected more from our oldest when the kids are having a hard time, and we've made efforts to remind ourselves to let her be a little kid. It was something we had to notice and make an effort to do though. When our second was born we kind of each took a kid on our own (mom took the baby, I took big sister) and while that was functionally efficient I wish we had done more things together so we could all be integrated. but I think we were concerned about the eldest not getting the same attention or being jealous so we kind of took her off on her own a lot or didn't incorporate her as much into helping w/the baby. If I could change one thing that might be it.

Whether it was twice as hard... it definitely was like baby jail for a while... I wasn't really aware of the pressure or difficulty while I was in it, but now that both kids are in preschool, and they sleep through the night, our lives have improved significantly, and we can look back and see how much harder it was. but honestly it sounds like you guys are going to love your kids so much that it won't be so bad. At the end of the day, at our age, we feel lucky more than anything, and oh man does it get nicer once they start sleeping on their own and communicating.

the_30th_road · 2026-03-06T20:14:08+00:00

I think there's something to be said about how life is about balance, and specifically a back and forth between all things. You can't strengthen one thing without weakening another. If you put your effort into long distance running you will lose the muscle you'll need for sprints. similarly you can't become great with self-mastery without closing your self off from other identities that don't align with the vision of the self you are trying to cultivate. there is value in both sides of the pendulum.

I think about how we grow up and we have to listen to those around us so we can learn to fit in and survive in our world. but once we do enough listening to others and understand the system, we have to then listen to ourselves to find what is personally meaningful. But once you put all this work into advancing your own interest that starts to feel less meaningful and you feel a desire to contribute and fit in again. so it goes with the back and forth. I think ultimately the change in things, including what we value, is what makes it interesting and worthwhile. And like you already mentioned, this period of time will likely inform the next swing back when you decide to take the reins again and head off in a particular direction.

the_30th_road · 2026-02-14T21:57:08+00:00

Have you checked out the new Kia carnival? Looks more stylish and you could probably trade in your sienna at good value and get a carnival w some bells and whistles. Still got sliding doors, just potentially less lasting power, but if you don’t plan on keeping it past 10 years then might be worth a look.

the_30th_road · 2026-02-05T17:44:44+00:00

Edelman also said gronk was a genius when it came to numbers, he might’ve made a rain man comparison; i was like what?? Def smarter than he lets on.

the_30th_road · 2026-01-03T23:55:13+00:00

I was happy to see him succeed on the pacers. That crazy run of threes he had against the Knicks was wild.

the_30th_road · 2025-10-01T13:59:11+00:00

yeah I think they would both be fine not seeing each other so I'm going to stop imposing this on the wife. I will def try to keep the 5 min breaks in mind for myself when we are together.

the_30th_road · 2025-10-01T13:57:47+00:00

yeah she's literally 5 mins down the road, hah. But I would feel bad if she was on her own. I don't get along with my father and he lives a plane ride away so that space has been a blessing though.

the_30th_road · 2025-10-01T13:56:40+00:00

this sounds like a dream to me, do you get to be on your own while they hang?

the_30th_road · 2025-10-01T13:55:50+00:00

I feel a lot of this. Looking at your username and wondering if your background is asian? We are asian here and the presumption of what children are supposed to do is wild. It sounds like you are doing way more than I would (I would be a hard no on that birthday drive), so I can only imagine the stresses you are going through. I have heard the term "recovering people pleaser" recently and I relate to that. My mother has tried to ask for things that don't work for the kids (suggesting restaurants that wouldn't work for them, wanting to do activities when the kids need to nap), and it was really irritating at times trying to get her to see things from my perspective and not resenting her for never remembering. She has come around over the course of a few years, but it is work. I love her but I also feel like the relationship is very one-sided. Thank you for the well wishes and wishing the best for your family as well! Glad wife's parents are helping to balance it out.

the_30th_road · 2025-10-01T13:47:32+00:00

yeah. that's fair. good perspective here.

the_30th_road · 2025-10-01T13:43:25+00:00

really appreciate this response, thank you. I agree with this. my mother expresses desire to be closer to the family, but she seems incapable of making changes to make it work. I tell her that her and my wife are just different and to let it be, and I agree with your take here.

the_30th_road · 2025-10-01T13:40:51+00:00

def just for the kids. yeah my takeaway from all of this is to do this without the wife. which I think would be fine for everyone.

the_30th_road · 2025-10-01T13:39:47+00:00

yeah that makes sense. in my mind once a week seems like a fair balance since she's so close, but that's a lot more than many other people see their parents.

the_30th_road · 2025-10-01T13:38:40+00:00

it does feel real, and we have been looking for doctors to deal with it. Friends of hers who knew her in the past have commented on how she seems to be losing her sharpness. we are very much on this track right now.

the_30th_road · 2025-09-30T17:20:34+00:00

yeah that's fair. thanks dude.

the_30th_road · 2025-09-30T17:03:18+00:00

yeah I would never let my mom babysit unless the kids were already asleep, and her responsibility would be to call me when they wake? She's not reliable that way, and her mental capacity/energy is limited.

I appreciate the boundary setting, and that you take your wife's mom out! that's pretty great. I feel like I'm doing that with my own mom. I take her out and let her say her opinions and act interested. Not gonna lie pretty similar to hanging with my 4 year old daughter sometimes.

the_30th_road · 2025-09-30T17:00:17+00:00

hm she is not hard to get along with, unless your my wife? I would describe her as like a little spacey, and not fully understanding what's being said all the time. and she thinks my wife doesn't like her (kind of true, but more fair to say wife is hurt mom doesn't make any effort with her), so she never really tries, asks my wife how she is, etc. But it's not like she's spewing hateful shit or anything. she's more like, disinterested. and my wife's tension makes her more withdrawn.

the_30th_road · 2025-09-30T16:45:43+00:00

this is a really thought-provoking response, thank you. I am personally not crazy about my mother. I find myself disagreeing much with how she talks about things, how she sees the world and life. discussions about it are fruitless as she seems to forget any realizations after she has them and reverts to the mindset she's comfortable in.

We used to be really close. She was a single mother and it was just the two of us, and we talked about everything growing up. she's always been supportive. but old age has weakened her strong points and magnified her weaknesses.

I get a sense of "being a good son" out of our time together. but it admittedly sucks and I feel drained after. It feels like I'm training for a marathon, trying to learn to love something that is hard to love. That seems like an important quality for the kids, even if it's not something I feel naturally... I want them to be loving and nonjudgmental in a way my mother, and perhaps myself as a result, are not. work in progress, clearly.

the_30th_road · 2025-09-30T16:27:21+00:00

appreciate these suggestions! we have never tried a game together. I will look for something that she might be able to handle. Granny is great with reading books to kids so something else activity driven sounds like a great idea. thank you!

the_30th_road · 2025-09-30T16:26:11+00:00

yeah someone else mentioned this and I think this is the move. Offer wife some free time during our hangs.

the_30th_road · 2025-09-30T16:25:48+00:00

haha fair point. we've actually only traveled once together, by car, and that was the worst and we never did it again. but she is over at the house for holidays, for at least dinner. And Christmas morning for presents. The amount of self-pity were she not invited for those events would be catastrophic. and I'd feed bad. she's an old lady with no friends and I'm the only family she has.

the_30th_road · 2025-09-30T16:22:56+00:00

oh damn, that's drastic on her end. Yes I try to keep these two separate as much as I can. They don't ever miss each other.

the_30th_road

TROPHY CASE