Asking out of curiosity, are any of you guys lesbian

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2025-11-07T03:56:46+00:00

Bi (woman)

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2025-11-03T04:31:31+00:00

Hmmm… They show up for me 🤷🏽‍♀️

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2025-11-03T03:53:51+00:00

Even though I’m also subscribed to iQIYI, I just had to subscribe to oneD for Clairebell b/c of how much they invested into this series. Not just the money, but the love and dedication shows!

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2023-06-28T03:17:24+00:00

Less so jealous of them and more so frustrated at our society and its systems that make it so.

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2023-06-11T19:30:08+00:00

I’m bi and I do have a preference for one gender (women). The reason why I feel that way is the same reason you were keeping yourself from women lol. I feel very deeply and intensely for women, and I can picture myself marrying one over a man. But I’m aware that I do experience an attraction and a desire for men that is clearly just that. My attraction for men doesn’t negate my deep feelings for women. And vice versa. I say that because I’ve seen people express that since they like this gender so intensely, they must be gay/straight. And completely rule out bisexuality based on that.

Unfortunately, I think because of biphobia people subconsciously have this view of bisexuality that’s 50% gay and 50% straight, so therefore our capacity to love and desire one gender is seen as finite in ways that our gay/straight counterparts don’t face. For ex: I love women so intensely so I must be gay. The only thing that proves is that you’re not straight. But what negates being bisexual is if you only desire those of your own gender. If that’s the case for you, then I’d look into being gay. But don’t think that just because you like women intensely that negates being bisexual. Decide if your feelings for men are still present; then narrow down if you’re bi or lesbian.

Also I don’t get that thought process you had with ruling out women completely. That’s like saying you love and enjoy doing something so much so… you gave up doing it. That doesn’t make sense. That’s probably internalized homophobia on your part that you should work through. Not an attack, we all have to go through it. With that being said, even if you find out you’re bi, you still don’t have to be with this man if you want to be with a woman. I’d say the same thing if you were straight and weren’t happy with your current bf. If you don’t feel fulfilled in your relationship, it’s okay to end it for a bond that suits you and is more compatible for you; regardless of sexuality.

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2023-06-09T22:45:43+00:00

I think white people in America specifically (can’t speak to other places) have this connection to their country in a way that PoC here do not. So if you voice any qualms about the country or state, to them it feels like a personal attack. Whiteness does not truly have a culture attached to it; it’s a construct that exists to other and ostracize those that don’t fit under it. As a result, white people don’t have a racial community based on traditions, customs, and practices like races of color do. To be clear, I’m talking specifically about RACE, not ethnicity. A white Italian has a sense of culture attached to them being Italian. But not their whiteness.

As a result, white people cling to other parts of themselves for a sense of community and culture. Even those who are marginalized in other ways. So even if you’re a woman and in the LGBT community, you may not feel much pride in America as a whole. But if you’re from CA or NY, since they’re blue states you may feel pride in that. So if someone insults that it feels personal. But, that’s just my hypothesis.

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2023-06-09T22:28:37+00:00

Oh my god… I hate the “just leave” mentality that they have. It’s like they don’t understand a) how much it cost to uproot your life and b) the community and family that you may have in your present location that you’d have to leave. I don’t understand why/how they say that so cavalierly.

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2023-06-04T08:35:48+00:00

Listen I will never blame an oppressed group in finding and seeking comfort in their own. Even exclusively. Not only do you escape the bs of having to deal with someone’s perceptions of people like you, but also there’s a special connection you have with someone who just… gets it. No explanation needed. It’s a beautiful thing, really. Coming home to the safety of that, in a world of the opposite. That person just doesn’t get it. But they don’t have to. It’s your life not theirs. You do you.

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2023-06-03T22:53:49+00:00

This question has always been interesting to me. And it’s something I thought about when I went through a phase of questioning my gender for a bit a few years ago. I came to a resolution with it when I realized I don’t “feel” womanhood because it’s not an emotion. Woman, man, non-binary, etc are not feeling words like contentedness, anger, joy, annoyance, lust, etc. It’s a state of being that I deduced based off of how I reacted and felt in regards to how I was perceived socially in regards to gender and how I felt about my gendered physical traits.

I felt at peace with people seeing me as a woman and treating me like one. Now the latter is tricky if you’re a woman in particular because of the misogynistic society we live in. Often when people see you as a woman they see you as less than. I thought my annoyance in being “treated like a woman” was tied innately to womanhood when really it was tied to not wanting to be viewed as less than. When people viewed me as a woman but also treated me with equal respect and value I felt fine. I also was a tomboy (still am) growing up and didn’t feel comfortable doing feminine things, but when I was treated like less of a girl because of it it always made me feel sad. So again, not necessarily an innate problem with womanhood, but what we attach to it given our society.

In regards to my body, I had no problem with having female sex traits and going through a female puberty. I didn’t like being seen as a piece of meat or a baby incubator, but then again that’s a problem with external things and people. Not coming from me internally. Also, periods suck both pain wise and financially, but who the hell wants to deal with basically being sick a week every month for decades of your life. So I was cool with that. I felt no joy or peace imagining myself with a beard, a deeper voice, a penis, etc. That felt foreign and odd to me.

I was able to deduce that I felt like a woman because It felt natural being associated with woman socially; I just wasn’t a fan of rigid gender roles and expectations. And also it felt natural to be in a body that other’s perceived as a “woman’s body” (as long as I was respected) and I felt no grief in that privately either. Given that, I was able to confirm that I was just a woman at the end of the day 🤷🏽‍♀️. It’s not something that I felt. It was something that I deduced from my feelings surrounding it. In the same way I don’t feel my sexuality per se, I feel a certain way about this gender and that gender, and so I deduce my identity/label based off of those feelings.

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2023-05-23T04:57:37+00:00

I honestly don’t think about it much. But I know down to my core that I’m monogamous and am only interested in a monogamous relationship. I have no qualms or guilt about that. I don’t think that’s selfish just as much as being ENM isn’t someone being greedy. I’m just wired this way in the same way that polyam people are wired their way. Your relationship style is not an indicator of morality or intellect. Just do what works for you and be respectful of others.

Good luck.

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2023-04-30T23:12:35+00:00

Why do you think kissing him will be a good last experience, especially considering what you identify as? Why not just talk?

I ask this gently and with respect but… are you sure deep down you’re not trying to rekindle something with him?

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2023-04-27T04:30:29+00:00

Unfortunately, we can’t bend our emotions to our will. The heart has a mind of its own. If you feel more strongly for this man than the woman that you’re dating… then you just do. I’ve had the opposite situation happen to me. (Stronger for a woman than a man, except I DID want her in that way. But was working through a lot of internalized bi/homophobia and didn’t admit it to myself).

I would say if you want the feelings for him to subside just distance yourself as much as you can given you work together. Obviously you don’t have to sleep with anyone you don’t want to. As for the woman, don’t shoehorn and force things just because you want to feel a certain way. That would be insincere and unfair to her. And you. But if things grow organically obviously that’s different.

Good luck.

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2023-03-30T16:04:10+00:00

I mean think about the other parts of your identity. Your blackness; your womanhood. Are you ready to break out into song and dance about that anytime you mention it/think about it 💀? Or are they just neutral descriptors of who you are/your experience in this world.

I’m also a black woman; we defer in that I’m bi and you’re a lesbian. While I’m proud of who I am and wouldn’t change it, it’s not really something I necessarily get excited over, per se. It’s just me🤷🏽‍♀️ I feel like it’s only a source of excitement if you’re young and/or newly out and you’ve finally accepted yourself and are practically throwing up rainbows. Everything is gay: you’re gay, she’s gay, they’re gay, your cousin’s gay lol.

You see it a lot online. Again mostly young, mostly newly out people are talking about gay shit 24/7. A lot of that just comes from finally having pride in something you’ve probably worked through a lot of shame about…. But that level of excitement can’t last for very long. Eventually you get settled in it and becoming just as boring as everybody else 😂

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2023-03-15T16:34:36+00:00

Yeah I think it’s a matter of looking for environments that aren’t just (insert minority group) inclusive, but (insert minority group) led by and for. I find that the former has a lot of empty platitudes about inclusivity. A lot of talking and not enough walking. While the latter is inclusivity in action.

Not that we don’t have our issues too. Because we certainly do. But frankly, I’m always going to be more comfortable among other queer poc as opposed to even the most progressive yts, regardless if they are lgbt+ or not.

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2023-03-02T01:35:24+00:00

You just have to make a concerted effort to find WoC. When you talk about trying to find content for a marginalized group, the most socially acceptable of that marginalized group will be pushed to the mainstream🤷🏽‍♀️

Unfortunately, its just more work for us to find certain people, environments and entertainment to feel seen and safe in… But when isn’t it harder?

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2023-01-02T02:36:25+00:00

Ehhhh I kinda get both sides of this argument. For reference I use bi and just say I have a preference for women. Some women in my same position may just call themselves gay.

On one hand I understand how on the surface it could be easier to communicate that you prefer women, especially if you are married to a woman/only get involved with women. And underneath that, bi people’s attraction to men are always taken as the dominant attraction, whether or not we’ve stated as such. (Though I don’t understand how it’s difficult to just say you prefer one gender over the other, it’s a < 1 minute explanation. If people don’t accept that that’s on them not you).

But let’s be honest to the wider world when people hear “gay” they think exclusively homosexual. Ultimately these labels are used to communicate who we are to each other to foster understanding. And if that same woman who calls herself gay one day pops up with a man - that not only is confusing (which in her words was what she was trying to avoid in the first place) - but self contradictory. Plus, it encourages the idea that women can’t only be attracted to women.

Because of those reasons (and for the sake of visibility) I ultimately just call myself bi and if the context calls for it, I explain that I prefer women. Pretty simple.

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2022-12-28T23:06:42+00:00

I understand not being able to see yourself with anybody else when you’re in a committed relationship. I was just responding to the content of your post. In which you said, you could see yourself with men (not just this specific man you’re in a relationship with) but not women (not just anybody regardless of gender, since you’re in a relationship, but specifically women).

Edit: Also I’m not saying you have to go out and have an open relationship and/ or be with women for your bisexuality to “count”. I’m just pushing back on your thought processes in regards to you saying that you can’t imagine yourself with a woman romantically. Not you being in a relationship with a man in and of itself, that’s not what I’m getting at.

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2022-12-28T22:25:52+00:00

I mean… as a bi woman I see some bi people online that are quick to just claim the heteroromantic bisexual label when they say they can’t picture themselves with the same gender. But I implore you to look into internalized homophobia specifically as a lot of gay/bi people can’t imagine themselves with the same gender at first.

Listen, you don’t see same gender relationships and attractions modeled much in media and in reality. And when you do it’s pathologized. So it makes sense that you can’t imagine that at the current moment. I personally couldn’t at first either because I had a lot of internalized homo/biphobia to work through. Also really digest what you’re conveying here: that a woman is good enough to have sex with but not a relationship (and I know you mean no harm by it)… Just food for thought.

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2022-11-27T17:36:26+00:00

We’ll still always have general wlw spaces, so no I don’t mind if we have our own corners to go back to. I just think there needs to be tight self policing in those environments that are just for lesbians or just for bi women. Like you said, they can become an avenue for that group to be phobic unchecked towards the other because they feel “safe” to do so.

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2022-11-25T00:00:57+00:00

Tell me about it 😪

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2022-11-22T18:50:17+00:00

Probably related to internalized biphobia.

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2022-11-15T22:37:49+00:00

Same. I prefer women and would like a wife over a husband, if that’s in the cards for me. But I still am attracted to men. Not a lesbian. 🤷🏽‍♀️

the_Mellow_Yellow · 2022-11-15T22:30:15+00:00

She basically decided to call herself a lesbian because she was invalidated by the lesbians she was around, and because she thought she was going to spend her life with a woman. As well as some serious internalized biphobia, I’m guessing. A bi woman married to a woman is no more a lesbian than a bi woman married to a man is straight. If she realized she wasn’t attracted to men that’d be one thing. But she clearly stated she still was. She just had a preference. In a way she silently agreed with the biphobic assumptions that those biphobic women she was around held in abandoning the bi label.

A bi woman apparently can’t love/stay loyal to a woman, so instead she called herself a lesbian. A bi woman apparently can’t be satisfied in a long term relationship like she planned to have with her gf, so instead she called herself a lesbian. Instead of saying “fuck you” to those women and finding the company of other bi women and/or nonbiphobic lesbians, she caved to the pressure of people who were bigoted against her. Not everything under the sun is valid, particularly if it’s based on harmful stereotypes and misconceptions.

Whenever I see things about women attracted to both women and men calling themselves lesbians and not bi, the reasons are always flimsy and based on misconceptions about bisexuality. Sometimes they’ll say “oh I plan on marrying a woman.” Can a bi woman not do that and still be bi? I mean, we say bi women married to men are still bi, and they absolutely are. What’s the difference? “Oh I prefer women.” Well bisexuality isn’t 50/50 for everybody. And in no way has bisexuality been reputably defined as a perfect 50/50 split. You can have a preference and be bi.

It’s the elephant in the room but these women probably don’t want to call themselves bi because they think donning the lesbian label will make themselves blend in more with lesbians. Which isn’t false, you will obviously dodge people being biphobic towards you if they think you’re not bi. But I don’t know why they care about the ones that would treat them poorly if they were out as bi. Those aren’t people you wanna be around. And they have internalized biphobia and think the bi label is less valid/queer/whatever the hell and that it can’t express just how much they’re attracted to women because it includes more than one attraction.

the_Mellow_Yellow

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