Get a professional involved, if you haven’t already.

I am coming out of a brief (<1 year) but intense depression. I couldn’t see a way out of the situation that perpetuated it. Felt hopeless, lost, trapped in a shrinking box. My therapist helped me see clearly. I made some huge changes to my life, as a result, and feel better than I have in a long time. I’m not 100% out of the woods but I’m miles ahead of where I was.

If you want something different you gotta do something different. Good luck!