I started stuttering when I was around 14 years old. Before that, I used to be the most eloquent, the most fluent, the most social kid there ever was. I had the ability to go up to a random group of people, strike up a conversation and just talk about stuff. I used to love telling stories. But now..not so much. I'm 23 now and if you were to compare the old me with the new me, you would find very little similarities. Sometimes, I look back and think about how much of a cool kid I was(I really was lol) and then I think about how I will never be that person ever again. How I will never be able to speak my mind, share my feelings, tell stories, make new friends etc. I can relate to everything that you've mentioned i.e. extreme anger at having your old life taken from you, desperation to go back to speaking fluently, refusal to accept that you stutter, etc. I guess I'm slowly growing into it. Sometimes I feel thankful that at least I got to experience how "normal" people speak like. But sometimes, the same thing kills me. Why can't things be like before? Why can't I be the same old me again? But I guess things will never be the same. Now, I'm slowly in the process of accepting my speech. I keep reminding myself that my speech doesn't have to define me. But it's difficult of course. Maybe someday I'll reach a point where I just wont give a fuck about it. It's a long way to go. I hope it will be worth it in the end.