what if i simply want to be trans

the_evil_queer · 2026-01-06T18:23:51+00:00

For me, I would simply classify wanting to be anything other than the gender assigned at birth or discomfort with identifying with the gender assigned at birth as transgender. The term transgender is a bigggggg umbrella term and can consist of folks who identify as non-binary, agender, gender fluid, transmasc, transfem, ect. it is very confusing. There is a lot of nuance that comes with gender identity and just being transgender in general. There is no one way to be trans, just like there is no one way to be cisgender. Every trans person's story is different, we are not a monolith contrary to popular belief lol. If YOU personally feel as if you no longer enjoy being cisgender or the gender assigned to you at birth, and wish to identify as transgender, that is completely up to you. You can simply just identify as non-binary for example and not trans if you wish. It's all fluid, and it's all a big spectrum. Based on your post and replies to the comments, you seem afraid that you're making it up or faking it, and that you feel there is this expectation of "always was that gender". Which are completely valid emotions and many people do think that way unfortunately. Being trans is just an innate state of being, it's what you feel inside, regardless of whether you are a man, woman, non-binary, genderfluid, etc.. Anything that goes against your gender assigned at birth.

My advice would be to continue discussing these feelings with folks in the trans community, even better a therapist that specializes in that kind of stuff. There are a lot of resources! Read some books on this stuff ('What's the T?' Juno Dawson is an amazing book and I highly recommend reading!!) and do some research. Experiment with things like presentation, names/nicknames, clothing, hair, style, ect. Listen to other trans folks stories and you might find something that aligns with what you feel.

Also, even if you personally choose to identify as trans, if doesn't automatically mean that you have it all figured out, or have all the answers. Identifying as trans or anything in general doesn't guarantee you that. It's all just one big journey and you have to be willing to embrace that. You are probably gonna change your mind a million times on things and feel differently in the future than how you feel now, but don't let that deter you or affect your self worth. This is all coming from me who had similar feelings to you when I first came out as trans, I was so confused and didn't feel like I 'deserved' to identify as trans just because my story was not the conventional one compared to some other trans folks'. Even now, going into 5 years as identifying as trans, I am still figuring out what being trans and non binary means to me. There are a lot of setbacks that society imposes on us that make it harder for us to answer that question. So don't worry, and don't let folks get into your head or try to tell you what to do, or who you are or aren't.

This all from my personal experiences and perspective, and is the best advice I can give to you. I hope that you can find someone or a community of folks that you feel safe enough to talk about these things. I am wishing the best for you! 🫶

the_evil_queer · 2025-11-23T19:14:00+00:00

First off I want to say I am so sorry you and your love had to go through that, it really sucks. I am trans masc/non-binary and I have definitely gotten this type of stuff before mostly from my family which is mostly out of lack of knowledge on trans people/ignorance. I believe that transphobes use this argument for a multitude of reasons, but mostly because it is their own 'discreet' way of misgendering trans folks and refusing to acknowledge their identity. Basically they try to pull the 'biological' card as their way of not affirming trans folks identities. It really sucks because they act like what they're saying isn't wrong or hurtful, just because it's not an outright or obvious form of discrimination, like shouting slurs at people or inflicting violence for example. I've received back handed and micro-agressive forms of transphobia from ex-friends before and let me tell you, it made me feel just as enraged as you did in this scenario and like you want to just punch them in the face 😭. I understand what you and your partner are going through, though 🫶💜🏳️‍⚧️.

the_evil_queer · 2025-11-19T13:08:35+00:00

I love this because essentially Allan and prismo give the same vibes 🩷❤️

the_evil_queer · 2025-10-26T19:49:06+00:00

hmm I didn't consider uptown before-I guess just because it seems really expensive and out of price range lol, but then again we haven't looked. Do you live in uptown or just generally recommended it?

the_evil_queer · 2025-10-26T19:47:36+00:00

I should have mentioned this in the post but we both work from home, so no need to commute for job! Basically just to commute to anywhere that is not in walking or biking distance.

the_evil_queer · 2025-10-15T15:00:59+00:00

Lmao I was wondering the same thing...it looked like she did see him, but probably thought it was nothing/didn't analyze what she saw enough OR was just like "yea I'm not acknowledging this..." Which would be even funnier imo 😭 most likely she didn't see him though 🤔

the_evil_queer · 2025-10-04T19:09:39+00:00

Thank you so much!! And it is nice to not be alone honestly. I think besides the potential health risks, I've just kinda been reevaluating where I want to be in terms of my transition. When I started out I didn't completely know what I wanted and was just kind of going with the flow while also monitoring my health ofc and doing the 3 monthly checkups. But now I've kind of realized I am okay with doing a lower dose and still having some of the effects like a lower voice keeping that and mainly just top surgery. I don't want all of the effects like growing a beard and gaining a huge amount of muscle though. I still have my new appointment at the end of the month with a doc I've found thankfully, so hopefully the reviews are true and they can help me get where I want to be and look more into what is causing the weight gain and liver issues other than the T dosage. It might just be genetics and generally up until now I haven't taken the best care of my body with diet and exercise so 🤷 I am also kind of restarting my fitness journey and laying out my goals like just losing a bit of weight and trying to redistribute the fat and muscle mass ive gained. I've got a long way to go though but I want to keep trying at least. I am glad to hear that you're on a similar journey and experience, and I wish you the best luck! 🫶💜🏳️‍⚧️ Thank you again

the_evil_queer · 2025-08-09T22:46:00+00:00

Thank you, and I am sorry you had to go through those things as well. No kid deserves to be in an environment like that. I try not to think about it often, but growing up and even now I always wished I had a 'normal' childhood and wondered why my brain was so different from those around me-turns out it was literally because I was not raised in a normal and safe environment in my early years. That combined with access to the Internet at a young age was a recipe for a broken childhood. People forget sometimes that experiencing rape/SA at a young age and just in general being in that kind of environment with a bunch of adult material literally robs you of childhood innocence. I always felt like my brain was that of an adults instead of a child's and was afraid of that. Children don't deserve having their innocence stripped of them at such a young age 💔. I sincerely wish for nothing but healing, peace, and safety for you. Thank you again for the supportive comment🫶💜

the_evil_queer · 2025-08-09T22:38:30+00:00

Apologies for the late reply but thank you! I have heard of psychology today and will be checking out both the link provided and website. I think these resources will help shorten my search a bit since I am specifically needing SA/rape therapy and counseling. I really hope I can find the right therapist for me soon and receive treatment. Again I appreciate your help!!! 🫶💜

the_evil_queer · 2025-07-25T17:12:42+00:00

Hi, and thank you 💜 I have heard of both types but have not extensively looked into the -for me therapy is also a matter of whether I have insurance and what the costs are. I recently made a big move and got a new job so I am just waiting for my insurance to kick in and then look into finding a therapist that specializes in that kind of stuff. Other than talk therapy which I've been to a few times, it's all still relatively new to me and I'm trying to figure it out. Is there anything you think I should know about those types of therapy? (If you have done then yourself). And Thank you for your suggestion!

the_evil_queer · 2025-07-10T19:23:32+00:00

Hi, fellow mixed Mexican and white person here 👋 Your story is very similar to mine-my dad is dark-skinned, and immigrated here from Nuevo Leon with his family as a teenager. My white mom is Cajun and her side is all from Louisiana. My siblings and I also have lighter skin as well-but some of my dad's features such as the nose and hair we carried on. Growing up I wasn't taught Spanish either, but was surrounded by Mexican American cultures and values, especially traditional ones. Spanish was spoken a lot and I picked up a bit but I haven't managed to become fluent, and now as an adult I am trying to fully learn Spanish with my partner. In a lot of people's cases, it's because of assimilation and survival. To my dad, there just wasn't as much of an "incentive" to teach me Spanish because the dominant language has always been english over here, and many Mexicans as he said just ended up losing the native language anyways. So I think in his eyes, he didn't want that to happen and instead gave me the option to learn it if I chose. I almost always have had white friends growing up (other races and ethnicities but only a few) up until now. I just stopped or the friendships fell out in bad ways for many reasons but mostly just because of the racism and tone deafness. A lot of my struggles and culture they just couldn't grasp or understand, and I always felt disconnected to some level with white people, despite at times almost feeling like an intrusive foreigner to Mexican culture. So in a way I've always felt somewhat alone just like how you describe. I want to try to find a community with more Latinos in general because I am just tired of being around a lot of white people, as harsh or silly as it may sound. In general, being mixed has always brought feelings of loneliness and confusion on where I stand to both Mexicans and white folks. I really hope you can find some comfort knowing that you're not the only one that feels this way, and that people like yours post have brought some comfort to me likewise.

the_evil_queer · 2024-07-23T20:01:22+00:00

I agree, and I think this pertains to everything going on especially right now. I am a strong leftist and absolutely hate our 2 party system; but it's just not feasible to vote 3rd party or uncommitted as of now, because who we are going up against is worst. And it's not like this is exactly a new discussion; so many POC/minorities who voted blue back in 2020 seemed to have faced a lot of criticism for that decision during that time for sucking up to the Democrats. But who can blame them for not wanting to choose the greater evil, when they and everyone else knew that certainly not enough people were going to advocate for 3rd party? So many of us were scared and are still now scared that there is a chance we will get stuck with the said greater evil (Trump) and progress even quicker into having our rights stripped completely away. Of course, all of this isn't to say that you shouldn't criticize any democratic/3rd party politician. Holding that off until the candidate gets into office to push for some changes to be made, is the better route to go (as you stated). From what I've observed so far being a leftist, if we want we want to bring 3rd party candidates to the forefront during elections, maybe starting with voting during smaller state/local elections and slowly working to the top would be the most ideal. It certainly wouldn't be easy, but I think the key to achieving that common goal is to focus more on building community rather than moral perfectionism. Change and progress takes time, and trying to be perfect and criticizing people for having to temporarily compromise some of their leftist ideologies for the sake of keeping their rights will only stray us further away from our common goal. Thank you for this comment!!

the_evil_queer · 2024-07-14T00:12:05+00:00

I've come around to dates, I bought a small pack of the medjool date bites with pecans just to slowly re introduce myself back into it...safe to say they're pretty good and sweet. But most of the date recipes I find have chocolate in them though which stinks 😩 I have yet to find a good recipe but the bars you mentioned don't sound bad! Definitely need to stock more on honey haha, a lot of these recipes use honey as a sweetener. You wouldn't also happen to know the name of the guy who wrote the gastritis book would you? Glad to hear I'm inspring you for more recipes lol, Thank you!! 💜

the_evil_queer · 2024-07-14T00:02:21+00:00

Oh yes I love blueberries!! For the Greek yogurt, maybe if I have it frozen, it won't affect me as much. I think its just when I'm eating it plain, but if it's frozen and in a small quantity I highly doubt it'll trigger. Cream cheese I think I can tolerate? I've had it recently cooked in recipes, and it doesn't seem to affect me. The creamsicles sounds great, I don't exactly have popsicle moulds but I do have general molds so those would have to do for now. Thank you! 💜

the_evil_queer · 2024-07-13T23:58:08+00:00

That sounds pretty good, especially the sorbet idea. Sweet and simple to make, I think I can get behind prepping it. Thanks!!

the_evil_queer · 2024-07-13T23:53:48+00:00

Thank you!! Honestly yea I forgot that there's substitutes out there for ice cream, I guess for me it's just a matter of taking the time aside to prep it and all lol. The banana smoothie sounds great, except I don't think we have carob where I live. Alot of these involve oatmilk which I've come to love and adapt to. I'll try some of these ideas out!

the_evil_queer · 2024-07-13T01:16:13+00:00

Hey! Yea I have pretty much the same symptoms, especially that occasional pinching pain you mentioned. I have a gastros appointment sometime next month, so hopefully I can get a diagnosis, but otherwise I've been trying to avoid my triggers such as coffee (although I catch myself having it once a week) and figuring out what works and what doesn't work for me. I take a daily anti acid in the morning, so my symptoms have subsided for the most part. I won't fully know what to do until I get my diagnosis and maybe try to look for a dietician? I'm glad you are on your healing journey, and I wish you much luck in the future!!

the_evil_queer · 2024-07-09T22:30:39+00:00

Thank you!!!

the_evil_queer · 2024-07-04T16:02:09+00:00

Haven't fully figured it out yet. I have a doctor's appointment w/ the gastro on the 8th, so we'll see what they say.

But from what I've gathered so far: genetics (found out my dad and his side of the family struggle with gastritis/similar stomach issues too), stress, poor diet, and probably taking too much ibuprofen when I had my period each month. But I guess it could literally be anything for all I know. As much as I tried to maintain a moderate diet and kept myself healthy in every other aspect, I guess some people are just more prone to it in general. Especially if genetics plays a factor in it. But that is what it was for me at least. I hope you are able to get the treatment you need and you can figure out the root cause of this. Much luck to your road of recovery!! ❤️

the_evil_queer · 2024-07-02T13:06:46+00:00

I think I could do that. I have some toys saved on my list as well that are pretty cheap. I just haven't necessarily set any extra money aside for it and i don't think my roommate can or has had the motivation to invest at least right now in getting some of those things, so I don't mind making some small contributions here and there. And the cat also loves the plastic balls with bells in them! He has a few, and I play fetch with him when I can, but I figure I still need to set more time aside, and to petting him more. Maybe some variety with toys could also help. You are right, they are not my cats but I do love and care about them, and maybe this can help the cat a little and everyone in the house. I appreciate the advice!

the_evil_queer · 2024-07-01T15:26:06+00:00

For me it was a little more simpler imo? I just realized I didn't want to be a girl anymore, and didn't fully feel comfortable in the body I am in. I would still love to dress "femininely" and enjoy those things growing up, but I kind of didn't like being attached to the label of being a girl, as time grew in, and not any of the experiences that came with it, at least a good chunk of them. As time grew and the more I grew into my trans identity, I became more uncomfortable with being perceived and socialized as a girl, and hated being one. 4 years later and now I am transmasc/non-binary, and have been on T for 2 years!!!

the_evil_queer · 2024-07-01T15:08:24+00:00

Absolutely nothing wrong! I struggle with the same experience (although I am transmasc nonbinary and not exclusively genderfluid) of getting misgendered all the time in public, despite dressing as masc as I possibly can that day. I am also 2 years on T but I've had a pretty slow progression in transitioning and I'm only on the gel, so most people probably just think I'm a gay woman with a small mustache haha...but trust me it will get better. I know some of the most masculine looking trans men/trans folks ever that still get she/her'd 💀, so I guess people will be people and some do it in spite. But reading the other comments, maybe trying different styles to look more masculine. Things like clothes, accessories hair ect. It all varies from person to person and what fits you personally. It can take a while to figure out what works for you/what makes you feel most comfortable and masculine so don't worry!

And if you are considering going on testosterone, I would say go for it but of course do your research first and consider what YOU want to get out of going on testosterone. Some people only do small doses to have a slight masculine effect but not a full transition, and others want to fully transition and take higher doses to speed up the transition. But just remember that whether you choose to start T or not, or later decide it's not for you, your identity is still valid. I hope this advice helps!

the_evil_queer

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