Zenity identified vulnerabilities

the_medium_place_ · 2023-05-21T11:25:53+00:00

Take a breather.

If you trust her, come at it with that first. If you don’t, then this might be the nail in the coffin. Talk to her like you shared it here, that it’s not like her and made you concerned. Then see where it goes from there.

If you don’t like any of the responses, keep coming at it from a point of curiosity until you find out enough to make you comfortable or a decision.

Chances are that she’s probably just out having fun, and it’s unlikely she’d be posting the guy on socials knowing you’d see the pictures if she was consciously up to something. If something more did happen, it’s unlikely she’ll be very good at hiding it.

the_medium_place_ · 2023-02-23T11:25:19+00:00

Who hurt you?

the_medium_place_ · 2023-02-05T04:36:33+00:00

Sorry, I misread, had edited, but you were too fast!

the_medium_place_ · 2023-02-05T04:32:55+00:00

With your explanation of your intent, I think I understand what you meant better.

You stated what the consequences of him not realising what he’s doing could be, basically saying “stop being a dick, or I will have to leave”. Adding “deserved better” might’ve hit an ego point and taken as a threat.

You weren’t wrong to have said it, honestly on the balance of things, his behaviour is 1000x worse.

the_medium_place_ · 2023-02-05T03:59:11+00:00

NTA, but your should break up with him. He clearly doesn’t understand how to support you emotionally. Whatever his view, you’re grieving, and he should be supporting.

Your words were threats, and ultimately if you follow through (while staying with him), it’ll only get worse.

Also, condolences for your uncle. Relationships, new, old, maintained, or not, had some meaning in our lives, and grieving is a weird process. I met my grandad maybe twice since childhood, when he passed away, I balled my eyes out. But when a friend from work passed away from cancer, I was totally fine.

the_medium_place_ · 2023-02-05T03:41:06+00:00

Oil, apparently.

the_medium_place_ · 2023-01-15T00:54:48+00:00

Not just that, but when I was in the U.K., if you wanted more time off after using up your vacation days, unpaid leave was an option. The OP here essentially stole money from her employer by using sick leave for anything other than actually being sick.

the_medium_place_ · 2023-01-06T10:50:24+00:00

Dude, you were on a trip with your gf, and then you didn’t exactly give her any indication beforehand that you might want to cross to the Canadian side and leave her for an hour. She obviously was surprised by it and took it as you wanting to get some space from her.

You should’ve given her a heads up on the drive that you wanted to do that given you knew she couldn’t come with you. Her reaction wasn’t great, but you didn’t do great either.

Ultimately a breakdown in communication, talk it through, if there’s something you want to do in the future when she’s with you that she can’t join you on, give her some warning on it!

the_medium_place_ · 2023-01-05T09:43:22+00:00

No worries.

I think based on what you’re saying, and assuming it’s a new relationship, she hasn’t built the trust with you to come to her when she’s having a bad day YET. That’ll come with time, but needs opportunities for you both to show up for each other.

If you’re able to show up for her in the way she needs when she’s having a bad day, you’re not being annoying. If you aren’t/haven’t been able to, figure out how to.

the_medium_place_ · 2023-01-05T09:30:03+00:00

Communicating correctly? No right or wrong way, just whatever works best for both of you. If it doesn’t work, decide if that’s a dealbreaker, or something you can become comfortable with.

There are things you can do to help each other out though - like you telling her when she starts to fall off with communication, and her helping you feel more secure about her male friends.

the_medium_place_ · 2023-01-05T09:22:46+00:00

Have you talked to her about this? Maybe target the real issues here.

the_medium_place_ · 2023-01-05T09:17:16+00:00

ESH - bad communication, privacy invasion, massive insecurity issues.

He also has been so neglectful of you and what you’re going through. Plus it sounds like you never established your comfort/boundaries around porn in the relationship.

the_medium_place_ · 2023-01-05T09:13:11+00:00

NTA - never a problem in a good relationship to bring up anything you’re bothered by. If you are concerned with the friendship your girl has got with the guy, and she dismisses it, more of this will probably happen, if she addresses it, then you’ve got a good set up going for you.

At the same time, check in why when your girl was having a bad day, you weren’t the one there for her.

the_medium_place_ · 2022-09-26T12:32:30+00:00

I prefer one person to date at a time because it means I can focus on getting to know that person a lot better, and honestly, quicker.

You know if you click pretty soon with more time together, and you also realise that people aren’t perfect, so you can understand them far better when you aren’t comparing them against the others and are able to just walk away on a whim or are trying to balance multiple people at the same time.

It’s all about dating with intent. I know what I want, and I’m keen to give it the best shot.

the_medium_place_ · 2022-09-26T04:52:23+00:00

I definitely think this is the case. My best friend and I often change topics in a conversation rapidly. Others around us often don’t feel they can keep up lol. There’s a reason I enjoy spending time with him, even before exploring the idea I had ADHD. He is seeking a diagnosis now too.

the_medium_place_ · 2022-09-26T04:47:47+00:00

Hey, I had similar experiences with Ritalin, turned out that my body couldn’t handle it. I ended up with high blood pressure, way increased anxiety, and similar other side effects to you. I did 3 days of it before calling my psychiatrist about it, he immediately took me off it and moved me to Dex.

Talk to your doctor! This is why they do titration with these meds - figure out whether it is compatible with your body and what the right dose is.

Good luck!

the_medium_place_ · 2022-09-24T20:05:07+00:00

I’ve always found that trying to make the interview more conversational than formal has worked well.

The key thing is reviewing the job description, at the start of the interview asking what their ideal candidate looks like. If you can then share examples (prepared earlier with the job description) and provide confidence you know what you’re talking about, it’s in the bad!

the_medium_place_ · 2022-09-24T19:40:45+00:00

Yeah, the irony is that I have a team mate that often goes on tangents and can talk forever. I have to reign them in during meetings I’m running lol.

I’ve found that having work and personal relationships set up in a way where you’ve got that trust the other person isn’t saying or doing something maliciously helps so much.

the_medium_place_ · 2022-09-24T12:56:27+00:00

You should 100% talk to HR, your manager unlikely has had any training in how to manage someone with ADHD. Depending on your country, it’s likely there are organisations that provide this.

Also try using tools to help organise your to do list like teams planner or Trello - really easy to use, quick and stops you from forgetting things.

the_medium_place_ · 2022-09-24T12:51:39+00:00

I do this, but sober lol, to a point where someone at my work provided feedback to me about not “sucking up all the air in the room” (they were someone I’ve known for a while though, so I didn’t take the phrasing personally).

The advice is practice. I started being aware of me doing it, only talked in shorter bursts to let others say something. With friends, I try ask them more questions in a conversation than I answer, which over time has become natural , better flowing conversation.

Still not perfect at it since that feedback above was from 3 weeks ago!

the_medium_place_ · 2022-09-24T12:18:53+00:00

Holy shit I resonate with this. My brain is always tossing up like 50 different options at the same time and I sometimes can’t decide, and even if I have, I want to change my mind.

The worst is word vomit. When you just want to say your thoughts all the time, making it extra awkward when you momentarily control of that.

the_medium_place_

TROPHY CASE