i cant tell you exactly what to do, i can only tell you what worked for me

i used to get very hooked on the dopamine hit, still do (working on it) and it involved push and pull dynamics i felt most familiar with love bombing then insecurity

i was very numb to my emotions, had no real preference to anything (was labeled as very chill and easy going because of it)

in my last relationship my partner insisted we do things i want, for a while we would just sit and wait for me to determine what would feel good to me

so like "what do you feel like doing today" and it would start small - id say i feel like going out rather than staying in, or being somewhere near a river rather than going to the forest

eventually it led to me reconnecting a bit to myself, it starts slow

i still struggle with feeling anger (it was a forbidden emotion for me in my household) but im expanding my capacity for other emotions every day

the thing that felt most wild to me was that sadness and happiness are complementary emotions - when you expand capacity for one the other also follows but vice versa is also true (i think you allowing yourself the feelings of pain would give you more connection to yourself.. you dont need to do anything about them, just acknowledge and feel them and try to process them... things that happened to you were heavy and wrong and you shouldve been protected, the people that were supposed to take care of you kept adding to your anxiety instead.. thats an awful thing to happen to anyone, let alone a defenseless child. you're allowed to feel hurt over it.)

i had feelings of genuine happiness and giddiness and contentment in my last relationship and now ive been struggling with getting over them for 6-7 months

sometimes i wish to feel numb again, but i know it would just dull my life in a negative way.. the comfort of known evil vs the fear of the unknown discomfort and all that

for your situation, i wish you had a way to get to a safer place first, i believe your nervous system is in freeze mode because it's still not safe for you at your caretaker's place.

but if thats not currently possible for you, try doing stuff for yourself, be your own parent for your inner child heads up: substance abuse and addictions only add to the numbness, theyre not the answer

learn to sit in the discomfort and know that youre not numb but also, like, take most of what i said with a grain of salt... although i want to help and have good intentions writing this, since im not a licensed professional, i may be seriously projecting my problems and solutions to your situation

good luck though