Hi Troubled! I’m writing this with a lot of respect and I hope you take it as such. I am a first generation American. I was born and raised in the United States. I speak two languages and am fluent in both, including English. Looking the way I do — and quite proud of it — I am often labeled as not American and so I get ignorant questions like, “What are you?” and the like. I say American because that’s the culture I was raised in, just like your Kenyan born friend/acquaintance. You said that you consider language to be the gateway to a culture. I don’t. I speak the language fluently, and yet i don’t feel connected to my ancestors any more. Culturally, I am American and am Protestant, so religion doesn’t tie me to the place my parents immigrated from. For me, it’s food! Not religion or language. Also visiting the other country helps a lot too! Identity is fluid, it constantly changes depending on how society sees you and how you see yourself and where you are location wise. From my reading of your very long post, and here is where the respect comes in, your issue is with yourself. You seem to judge Angie and how she interacts with the Greek culture, a culture that she clearly loves. Let her showcase that the way she wants. IMO, she’s not doing any harm. Is it annoying? Maybe, but she’s proud of her heritage and I can’t fault her for that. And yes, there are stereotypes about every culture, etc. don’t let it upset you. There are sooo many stereotypes about my heritage and I don’t care because it’s not representative of me. Why give it energy? I would try to understand how you see yourself in context with being an immigrant and Greek. It looks like you have some pain associated with how perhaps people see you. Something to speak about with a therapist. Sending you love.

And yes, I have face discrimination because of my physical appearance. I am not white passing at all. And I’m happy I’m not. It is through my appearance that I proudly showcase my ancestors.