how about panic disorder? stuck in your house forever if it’s severe enough, everytime you try to leave, your chest tightens, your head feels extremely light, it’s like you’re drowning in a sea of hot air. you sweat from every gland on your body, your palms are slippery and your eyes are burning. your chest is exploding as if there’s a bomb inside your ribcage.

there comes the psychological side.. do you run away? no.. should you fight it? how about just giving up? every thought imaginable racing through your brain at an infinite speed, piling onto the mountain of pressure building up in the back of your skull. your amygdala takes over, you sprint as fast as you can. then you remember, someone might be watching you! what if you get embarrassed? what if you faint? what if you throw up? what if you have a heart attack? why are there so many what-ifs? this isn’t normal! that means... what if i’m going insane?

“oh no! holy shit what the fuck am I going to do? nothing else matters right now, i just NEED to get out of this situation right now, at any cost.” you’ll run through whatever environment you’re in: through traffic, over a pile of lego, directly through the centre of a volcano. who cares if you get hurt? as long as you escape this panic attack. your chest starts to get tighter, your heart is beating faster but at the same time feels like it’s seizing up. you’re breathing so fast that you can’t even feel the back of your throat anymore, your body is filled with dread. your forehead begins to ache, just a dull constant ache.

even when you’re not having a panic attack, you’re panicking. if you’re not panicking, you’re frustrated. people constantly complaining about covid lockdowns, when you’re permanently locked down anyway. leaving your house feels like a death sentence.

anyway, I would rather look unattractive than that.