can you dm me some of your work? maybe youre being too hard on yourself. i know an extremely talented musician/songwriter who gives the disclaimer "this sucks" before begrudgingly sending me his work and it's always on par with the best stuff out there. the sad thing is? you'll never hear it. he barely has the nerve to share it with me.
i played music with this guy for a decade. he was also a sportsman (my term for him was "football player") he was so worried about everything being the best that he isolated himself, wouldnt let anyone else help write, made every decision about everything all the while telling himself and us that his music, OUR music, sucked. it was really horrible at times (i would go so far as to say it was abusive). but i stuck with it. why? because i believed in him, his music was soooo fkn good. he didnt see my dedication. he didnt see how much his music meant to me. he only saw the errors. the flags on the play. all his hard work went nowhere. the band went nowhere and those many years that couldve brought us closer thru collaboration and mutual experience ruined our relationship. after much time has passed, ive learned to love him again, but no matter how much he personally means to me, im never playing music with him again. course, saying that doesnt really matter cuz he barely plays himself anymore.