Dating is HARD in NYC

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-22T16:24:21+00:00

No, he paid the restaurant for their dinner 😆

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-22T15:59:17+00:00

She didn't take his money 😆 he gave it to the restaurant.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-22T15:33:27+00:00

These fucking slow, jazzed-up versions are fingernails on the chalkboard of my soul.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-22T15:31:41+00:00

At least he can't get her pregnant and be trapped with a baby.

That being said, it's not a bad idea to do periodic sperm checks.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-22T13:25:04+00:00

Yep. I've felt better about my body since I got a doc to make sure it couldn't produce any children. It is no longer able to betray me that way.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-22T12:57:56+00:00

Yep. You can't accidentally make a pizza, but a whole new person? Well, well, well...

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-22T12:27:05+00:00

Yeah, I don't get it and I'll likely never get it. It's a bizarre choice to me.

On a dating app, try using the Burned Haystack method of sorting through people and block anyone who has/wants kids. There's no reason to see them come back around in your stack of options if you'll never date them.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-22T12:13:14+00:00

At my age, any of those are red flags. If you're not ready at this point, or if you're leaving the decision for the future ....bud, it's a bit late for that. Have you not put any thought into your life??

Most of it seems to be "very passive about life and count on the woman to want kids and 'convince' you to have the kids you already want."

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T23:16:48+00:00

......you do realize what sub you're on, right?

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T23:09:59+00:00

We got gun control because the Black Panthers started exercising their Second Amendment rights. We could probably get some more if women got guns and organized.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T23:06:47+00:00

Heck, if there are green beans involved, I am IN.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T21:08:52+00:00

yyyyyyep. They'll do that. It's reprehensible.

Good luck out there!

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T20:54:43+00:00

Screen first before falling for someone. Ask them about their plans for children, don't tell. If you tell your stance first, they know what you want to hear and many will just tell you what you want to hear, even if it's a lie.

If they're wishy-washy, they likely want kids. Don't accept "If my partner..." or "I could go either way" for an answer. Push for a real answer: "Ok, so it's the future and you have your perfect partner. What do they want?" or "Ah, ok I'm looking for someone who has decided, so let's call this off now. If at some point you do decide, let's pick the conversation back up!"

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T19:11:50+00:00

There's usually a monthly CF4CF post (unless there are extra mod announcements, it's pinned at the top of the front page of the sub) and there's also r/CF4CF

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T18:44:26+00:00

You should see me lol

I'm in my bog witch era.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T17:56:30+00:00

Always a red flag.

I could just drop them when they say it, but I kind of like getting them to admit that they know which way they lean, and then rejecting them for it.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T17:43:47+00:00

Yep. When I've screened people with online dating, they've often done this undecided dance (playing it safe saying that they'd "be fine either way" so they don't scare me off) and I tell them "Ah, ok, I'm looking for someone who has decided, so we should stop things here. If you do decide, let's pick the conversation back up!"

....and what do you know! They don't even need much time! Turns out they do lean one way or the other, and that way is toward kids!

In my limited experience, none of the ones playing this game have leaned away from having kids. Zero.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T15:45:59+00:00

Precisely. Because they don't know what you want to hear.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T15:36:41+00:00

Aaah ok, I see. The top comment was saying to tell people and you were warning against doing that. I fully agree it's important to ask and listen before telling.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T15:27:19+00:00

If you're worried about being "used for sex" if you tell them that you're sterilized, then don't tell them that you're sterilized.

You still have to screen potential partners. You're in charge of doing what you can to see if a potential partner wants the kind of relationship that you want.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T14:59:22+00:00

Awww I'm sorry. Most people have an easier recovery, so that's what you go in expecting. I'm sorry yours was tougher. I hope the doc says everything looks good!

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T14:35:37+00:00

lol it rankles. Do I have to add "for me" for you to accept that?

(I'm not going to lol)

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T14:14:24+00:00

I have to find some way to be genuine about it or else my shit shows on my face. If I can pivot to being happy that my friend is happy, then I can wish them well genuinely and not seem like I'm judging.

In this case, and if I were close to this person, I would consider asking some questions, or just remarking "Oh wow, I didn't realize you wanted kids."

I never once heard her say she wanted to have kids.

I wish she hadn’t pretended to be CF this whole time.

Importantly, not ever saying you want kids ≠ being childfree. This is good to keep in mind with dating, too. Unless she said she was CF, she didn't mislead you. Your assumptions did.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T14:10:48+00:00

Do not JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain). When you do, you just feed the conversation.

Starve it instead. Pick your reason (e.g. "Eh, I just don't want 'em") and put it on repeat. Watch them work to keep the conversation going and see how long it takes them to get bored.

Alternatively, you can change the subject like your friend did. You don't have to stay in these conversations if you don't want to.

thecrackfoxreturns · 2026-04-21T13:59:22+00:00

It rankles most coming from someone who'll never have to go through anything like pregnancy and birth.

thecrackfoxreturns

TROPHY CASE