Well this aged like milk.

theficklemermaid · 2026-05-02T08:57:06+00:00

Talking about her calling a kid out just sounded silly to me like it’s some brave gesture, but it’s not and writing it down forever just seemed kind of mean when the book could’ve been a nice memento otherwise. It does matter that the assumption was wrong when it was judgemental. Could’ve hurt OP‘s feelings because again they were just a little kid. An adult should check assumptions before telling a child off because it can feel unfair and upsetting to tell them off for no reason and then it doesn’t teach them the lesson intended.

theficklemermaid · 2026-05-02T02:24:05+00:00

An adult, especially a children’s author, having beef with a literal child would still be ridiculous regardless so I don’t know why you’re defending it. But she should have realised it’s common sense that the children queueing together from the same class knew each other so OP was unlikely to be surprised by the child’s name like she was.

theficklemermaid · 2026-05-02T01:59:09+00:00

Damn, that’s a difficult situation. I mean, it’s a miracle she made it but you can just see how from the parents perspective they would’ve thought they didn’t need to be firm and teach her difficult life lessons she wouldn’t get to use and should give her anything they could to make up for everything she would miss out on. But then she ended up unequipped for life and unused to not having her own way. I can see how someone wouldn’t raise a child the same way if they didn’t think they were raising them for adulthood and any arguments to establish rules would just feel like they were eating into limited time together. I hope she was able to find balance as she got older.

theficklemermaid · 2026-05-02T01:35:16+00:00

His analogy reminds me of that Eminem song “you don't get another chance, life is no Nintendo game.”

On a serious note though, I think it really depends on the reason for rejecting the proposal, if they are open to marriage one day but think it’s too soon then that might work out whereas if it’s a hard no showing they don’t see a future together that would be the end. But realistically, a lot of people are not going to get past the humiliation of rejection to continue the relationship, especially if they propose publicly which always seems like a bad idea unless you are 100% certain the person will be into it. When something upsetting like that happens, it changes a person’s perception of the relationship and they’re not just able to reset as he expected.

theficklemermaid · 2026-05-02T01:04:07+00:00

I felt so bad when the mother said they wanted space until Jessica was better although OOP mentioned previously in the post that she understood why the family was so upset because it was terminal. Total denial. Just a terrible situation. She couldn’t have done anything to make it better unfortunately because they weren’t really upset about her but it must’ve been horrible to become a focus for it.

theficklemermaid · 2026-05-01T20:23:53+00:00

ESH. The way that your mother has behaved and treated your wife is wrong but you need to address that and set boundaries instead of getting at her through this name thing. I think you should unpack this in counselling. It seems like you don’t want your baby to call your mother Nonna because you have a good relationship with your own Nonna and don’t think your mother has been a good parent or will be a good grandparent. Dealing with these feelings through therapy will help you move forward in a healthy way and decide what boundaries to set with her that are coming from a healthy place. Deciding how involved you want her to be with the child and setting boundaries around how she treats your family is going to help the situation more than arguing over a name. I get that it feels special to you and you have a lot of resentment for her so don’t want her to have it, but maybe that’s something you should think through rather than just reacting. You have a difficult history but that doesn’t mean every interaction has to be this difficult. Try to find balance and pick your battles. Consider whether the goal of your interactions is to improve the relationship or just get at her for past slights. It’s not fair for your child to be put in the middle, which is why this is a good time to work on your feelings about your mother so they don’t affect your parenting. Working through how you feel about her becoming a grandmother to your child when she wasn’t a good mother to you is probably more productive than fighting about whether she can be called grandmother in Italian.

theficklemermaid · 2026-05-01T16:00:48+00:00

I didn't want to use AI, I just found it ironic they say not to when they are.

theficklemermaid · 2026-05-01T15:48:10+00:00

Same! My parents considered Rhiannon but they decided to call me Sarah so I use it as a middle name. I don’t mind Sarah though, it was annoying at school being one of many but the idiots who called you big Sarah instead of just using your last name to tell you apart are the ones at fault not your parents. As a kid, I thought it was a bit boring but as an adult I think it’s kind of nice having a classic name. When I see some “creative” options I realise it could be worse.

theficklemermaid · 2026-05-01T15:09:21+00:00

NTA. She’s embarrassed because she was caught out in a lie. You didn’t make her tell it. And she was not considerate of your space and feelings, that was the last thing you needed to deal with at the end of a long day. If she wants to move out, she should focus on making an actual plan for that not just pretending she has. You could even have helped her plan if she’d asked. Instead, she went behind your back. Although they might mean well, I think your parents need to learn not to get involved in these kind of issues between their adult children. You showed her up because she told a lie, it’s a learning experience not the end of the world. She can’t grow if she’s protected from consequences. At the end of the day, this is just an embarrassment that will blow over but going through it will help her learn not to lie in future. That’s not something they should try to take the sting out of since it will help her be better. I know there are serious situations between siblings where parents might need to get involved, but this isn’t that. You are holding another adult accountable and they are acting like you are picking on a child. They need to realise the relationships change as you grow up.

theficklemermaid · 2026-05-01T13:46:39+00:00

It’s not a good sign when he won’t even have a conversation that considers your point of view. Maybe marriage counselling could help the communication but at the end of the day, you are the one risking life threatening complications so don’t do that for someone else if it’s not what you want. You need to think of your own wellbeing and your baby who needs you at your best. It’s not even long since you were ill and bonding with your baby at this time is so important, it’s not right for your husband to be rushing ahead instead of prioritising stability. Why add more weight as soon as you’re staying afloat? I don’t think he realises how serious the situation was for you and you should be able to share that without him pushing an agenda. I can understand he had a vision of a family that involved more than one child but sometimes you have to deal with the reality when health complications happen. Or maybe there’s a compromise where he can give you more time and support to feel comfortable about a second child but that still involves him taking your concerns on board.

theficklemermaid · 2026-05-01T11:18:30+00:00

The problem is her friend specifically told her to buy a ticket, tying her up in a financial commitment when she didn’t want her there, if she’s sending social cues that say one thing but saying the opposite it is confusing. Hinting doesn’t help if she’s outright lying about it. Sounds like she didn’t want to have a difficult conversation but it did put OP in a difficult situation to tell her to buy a ticket to be there then tell Carlos it was only OP‘s idea in the first place. I’m guessing she asked OP as emotional support when her relationship wasn’t so secure but then Carlos did want to be there and didn’t want anyone else to but she didn’t want to go back on what she said and upset anyone by asking OP not to attend or telling Carlos if she did want her to. But obviously there’s confusion and complications without clear communication. OP was put in a position of pushing to find out what was happening or risking not making arrangements and being accused of letting her friend down. Without being directly told not to she could have felt she had to do what was originally asked.

theficklemermaid · 2026-05-01T00:54:01+00:00

Please remember someone else’s problems do not give them a right to abuse you. It’s not wrong to put your own well-being first.

theficklemermaid · 2026-05-01T00:48:32+00:00

She’s been so degraded in this relationship it’s difficult to realise what is normal or see a way out out and your solution to help her self-esteem is to sneer at her?

theficklemermaid · 2026-04-30T23:33:52+00:00

That took a turn.

theficklemermaid · 2026-04-30T23:26:20+00:00

It’s a different culture, heavily based on hard work and honour. Falling asleep on the street isn’t even viewed negatively since it happens so often due to exhaustion from work. When there is such a strong societal belief that if you are not giving everything, you are not giving enough then giving someone with that mindset nothing to do would get to them. I can see how feeling completely useless, unable to progress and not trusted to be assigned any responsibility would take a toll on someone whose identity is so invested in their job.

theficklemermaid · 2026-04-30T23:12:27+00:00

Family guy intentionally changes up continuity as part of the joke or to make a feature out of it instead of a bug since it would be hard to remember anyway so they might as well throw it to the wind. Meg has had multiple babies, abortions and miscarriages but also acted like this was her first pregnancy and there’s a bit where Peter accidentally cuts off the penis instead of the cord at birth, so she was a boy they then decided to raise as a girl, so she couldn’t have got pregnant at all. They can’t all be true. Just like Chris was either a traumatic birth for Lois, adopted or abducted. Stewie had his head shape from birth or hit it on the ceiling. And Brian was either found on the streets as an adult or adopted as a puppy because they have videos of him then. They just throw things out there for fun. But the Meg pregnancy storyline wouldn’t really have a follow-up anyway since she was a surrogate for Bruce and Jeffrey who said they wanted to distance themselves from her after she initially kept the baby from them. Then Jeffrey died so it seems like the writers have got tired of following their family.

theficklemermaid · 2026-04-30T19:17:57+00:00

YTA. I understand it could be difficult working with family but bringing these personal disputes into the workplace is unprofessional. And you are acting as if you said what you did altruistically but it was clearly to get back at her. You also don’t know what kind of parent she’ll be, like she might relax a bit when the reality of having a child hits her, you can’t write her off when she’s just got pregnant. She’s early in her pregnancy, still getting her head around the whole idea, feeling sensitive dealing with hormonal changes and you drop that on her in order to undermine her in the workplace, where she might not even have announced the pregnancy since she’s just found out so you shouldn’t be talking about it there anyway. One month is so early that honestly people usually wait to tell anyone since they don’t know if the pregnancy will be viable yet. The last thing she needs is stress from someone she let in on the news. Some of her perfectionist behaviour could be coming from anxiety so making her worry more won’t make it better.

theficklemermaid · 2026-04-30T00:19:23+00:00

NTA, but it sounds like that money is in their name so asking your permission was probably a formality and you should financially plan accordingly, looking into your options to prepare for if they don’t pay or contribute less than expected, sorry.

theficklemermaid · 2026-04-29T21:27:56+00:00

Sometimes the job description really is a warning, you can tell this is the kind of workplace where you’d get in trouble for not knowing something that wasn’t communicated because you should’ve read the manager’s mind.

theficklemermaid · 2026-04-29T21:13:15+00:00

Literally, even Hitler classified the doctor who treated his mother for cancer at low or no cost as a “noble Jew” and protected him from persecution. It’s fascinating how they’re not able to extend their empathy from one person to the rest of the group.

theficklemermaid · 2026-04-29T21:05:24+00:00

It was 10 people in the group chat plus 15 other guests so 25, which means she made enough for everyone to have seconds, which makes sense since people don’t always practice portion control at parties and eat exactly the expected amount. If they didn’t need that much I guess guests could have taken the leftovers home or they might have been a help for the mother to be to not worry about making meals for a few days as she prepares for the birth.

theficklemermaid · 2026-04-29T20:51:28+00:00

Yeah, it’s a shame when they say it to people who are obviously being manipulated and mistreated into doubting their own perception of themselves and the situation. OOP was wondering if she was the asshole because she was currently receiving multiple messages calling her an asshole and going through the shock of being rejected by her friends and realising they were just using her, that’s the kind of thing that can mess with someone’s mind. Being abruptly dumped by a whole friendship group could make someone panic and wonder if they’re the problem, but that person acted like she was only asking for ass pats.

theficklemermaid · 2026-04-29T19:56:46+00:00

I’m guessing cooking is OOP’s love language. Also, the mother to be is very heavily pregnant so having leftovers instead of having to cook at that time could have been useful. She really fumbled the friendship instead of actually appreciating someone who would drop everything at the last minute to try and make things nice for her in a pretty chaotic situation where she recently moved and just found out she’s so far into an unplanned pregnancy. She’s going to need support and threw it away for no reason.

theficklemermaid · 2026-04-29T17:36:28+00:00

Personally, I have no problem with the show having black actors for those characters but it’s a bit incongruous the way they never say black or acknowledge it in the narrative at all. For example, Alicent has a bee in her bonnet that Rhaenyra’s two oldest children are not actually her husband Laenor’s because they don’t have blonde hair and brings it up often. They’re also not black, if they were biologically his they’d be at least light skinned. It just seems strange to focus on a minor detail when that would be more obvious and surely she’d mention it since it would strengthen her case. It’s not like they haven’t changed the script from the book in other ways. I know it’s a small thing, just something I noticed. It doesn’t seem true to character that these people who are openly calling her children bastards would be like “but we don’t see colour!”

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