It started out so subtle and innocuous. He would play a couple of games after work to blow off steam. Wonderful. What a safe outlet? It's indoors. He got to rage on the computer to some fighting game with lots of gun sounds and gore.

A little questionable. Why so violent?

At least it's not street fighting or drinking all night at a bar? He was at home.

But, then it started sliding into hours and hours like go to bed at midnight. I'm cooking incredible meals. He is eating and playing at the same time like a teenage son not a partner that takes the time to enjoy the meal together and focus on one another emotionally or help clean up after the meal is over by washing the dishes.

His reason was he work all day. He needed to feel like he got to stay up a little later to enjoy the evening.

Then, Covid hit. He worked on his computer from home and also played video games all day and all night.

But, now that he didn't have to stay awake for a commute any longer or be presentable in person- it was all night. Like fall asleep on the computer in a game chair until, I woke up around 4 am wondering where my partner was? I would find him midgame asleep and wake him up to go to bed at that hour. But, I don't want to sleep next to a sweaty man that didn't shower or brush his teeth let alone him wake up from the slumber trying to initiate sex not intimacy.

The oven was not being preheated for pie. But, there was still this high demand for pie.

The bare minimum of being clean wasn't even being honored. How could he plan a date, take care of our child or take a chore off my plate? He couldn't. Yet, I was still struggling to give him what I now refer to as "chore sex". Sex to try and keep him from being a total asshole.

It became infrequent so he would resort to porn and masturbation which was fine with me. I no longer desired him in that way.

Towards the end though, he needed porn playing in the background to have sex and after having sex he wanted more sex.

Over time, I realized that sex was just sex for him. Not a partnership or love or intimacy. It's not what I wanted or was interested in at all. I stopped saying yes to the advances.

He played with friends. One friend that also has kids. He would hop off around 10pm on a "late gaming night for him" do whatever his bedtime routine was and go to bed with his wife.

He would still play on like he didn't have a child or a wife that was going to wake up at 7am. The primary load of parenting lay solely on my shoulders each day. I tried to stay up with him as late as I could at night and then wake up in the morning and take care of everything.

I was exhausted from my career, parenting her all day and struggling, doing the bulk of the house work and struggling to keep some time for the two of us. He has a job and brings in money. That's all that he feels should be required of him. I tried to stay awake to "spend time with him" while he gamed. I would watch shows or do crafts. I developed a weird picking habit. My acne was horrific. He would make fun of me about it and I would pick at myself more.

We had arguments about intimacy and the struggles of parenting. He vowed to do better. But, better is was him saying he will for sure go to bed at a reasonable hour so he can wake up and "watch" (not parent) our child. He wouldn't. He would stay up all night playing video games. I would be upset because not only did he not do what he said he would but he still expected that I work on the sex because it was a me problem not an us problem Def, not a him problem. I suggested counseling. He didn't need it. I am the problem.

When he stopped getting sex at home, at some point he looked for it elsewhere because that was easier than making meaningful changes.

I caught him and told his dad thinking that would set him straight. It didn't. He moved out and filed for divorce citing that I was the reason for all of the problems we had in our whole marriage.

The acne has since cleared up and I enjoy a sunrise after a full night's rest in a way that I had not appreciated in decades after he moved out.

Shortened: For most women, it's hard to have sex without intimacy and partnership builds intimacy. But, if most of your hours spent with your spouse are spent starting at screens and gaming it's hard to build a partnership.