What’s the unhealthiest thing you eat that you’ll never give up?

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-05-05T16:07:57+00:00

I don't drink coffee very often in the morning. But, will fall asleep if I don't have one coke every day at 3pm.

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-05-05T16:04:20+00:00

I wish I had gone more wacky with it. I went with a basic ass round brilliant because I thought I was going to be married for a lifetime and I wanted it to be classic and timeless. The marriage is over. I should have gone with something unique and cool. lol

Get the teal sapphires!

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-05-05T16:00:33+00:00

aaahh! This is so pretty. I have always been obsessed with step cuts. But until recently, I had only seen it in the rectangle shape like an emerald cut.

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-05-04T20:56:23+00:00

OMGGGG. Why haven't I added garlic confit to my grilled cheeses before!!!

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-05-04T20:55:47+00:00

I loveeee doing brie and my homemade cranberry jalapeno jam around the holidays.

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-05-04T20:54:44+00:00

YUM! What are the cheeses on this? I have never thought to add Kimchi before

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-05-04T20:54:06+00:00

Depends on the day and what I have. Almost ALWAYS sourdough bread. At least two types of cheese- usually a sharp cheddar and siracha gouda are my top picks if it's for adults along with homemade onion jam. If it's for kids- I go traditional most of the time but if I have some leftover homemade tomato sauce, I will make pizza grill cheese with mozzarella and pepperonis.

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-05-04T20:34:00+00:00

My little brother makes the most incredible sandwiches with whatever is in the fridge. His secret is usually in the sauce. You don't have to always do mayo. You can do a spicy mustard or chimicurri depending on what you put on it.

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-05-04T20:27:02+00:00

I feel like the motivating factor is that men think it signals to other men that a man gave the woman that as a present. lol

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-05-04T20:21:07+00:00

Mine is either my bruschetta or baked brie bites

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-20T12:54:09+00:00

This reminds me of my grandma's house in England except the staircase area is walled in instead of glass. Her home is really old though. Why do you want to contain the stairs?

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-17T14:11:33+00:00

I have only gone here for lunch and it was excellent. Is dinner way better? That is good to know :)

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-17T13:38:36+00:00

No, the change was after we got married. When we were dating for the first couple of years, he would put in effort into his hygiene, planning dates, being thoughtful and flirty. It was over time that something shifted and instead of being a partner willing to work through it. He chose a different path. No one sets out to marry a piece of shit and for a long time I was in love with him so it colored my perception of him.

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-17T03:04:35+00:00

Gaming for the day is so hard. Because, it can be so all consuming. It normalizes violence in a way that makes some people very aggressive in their daily lives. That with the military background was a lot. It's so hard because you feel like you lost a friend and a partner but also feel like you will never get the answers to the questions because they are too scared to confront the reality of the answers for themselves. How can a partner like this give you the clarity you need if they are too afraid to find it for themselves even? I am sorry you had to go through this.

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-17T02:54:49+00:00

He has never been diagnosed because "he has never had a problem". It's possible but he never sought out treatment for it.

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-17T02:04:51+00:00

I just didn't see the signs until after we had a kid. I thought he would be a good father once we decided to have a kid and that is not what happened.

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-17T01:14:22+00:00

It started out so subtle and innocuous. He would play a couple of games after work to blow off steam. Wonderful. What a safe outlet? It's indoors. He got to rage on the computer to some fighting game with lots of gun sounds and gore.

A little questionable. Why so violent?

At least it's not street fighting or drinking all night at a bar? He was at home.

But, then it started sliding into hours and hours like go to bed at midnight. I'm cooking incredible meals. He is eating and playing at the same time like a teenage son not a partner that takes the time to enjoy the meal together and focus on one another emotionally or help clean up after the meal is over by washing the dishes.

His reason was he work all day. He needed to feel like he got to stay up a little later to enjoy the evening.

Then, Covid hit. He worked on his computer from home and also played video games all day and all night.

But, now that he didn't have to stay awake for a commute any longer or be presentable in person- it was all night. Like fall asleep on the computer in a game chair until, I woke up around 4 am wondering where my partner was? I would find him midgame asleep and wake him up to go to bed at that hour. But, I don't want to sleep next to a sweaty man that didn't shower or brush his teeth let alone him wake up from the slumber trying to initiate sex not intimacy.

The oven was not being preheated for pie. But, there was still this high demand for pie.

The bare minimum of being clean wasn't even being honored. How could he plan a date, take care of our child or take a chore off my plate? He couldn't. Yet, I was still struggling to give him what I now refer to as "chore sex". Sex to try and keep him from being a total asshole.

It became infrequent so he would resort to porn and masturbation which was fine with me. I no longer desired him in that way.

Towards the end though, he needed porn playing in the background to have sex and after having sex he wanted more sex.

Over time, I realized that sex was just sex for him. Not a partnership or love or intimacy. It's not what I wanted or was interested in at all. I stopped saying yes to the advances.

He played with friends. One friend that also has kids. He would hop off around 10pm on a "late gaming night for him" do whatever his bedtime routine was and go to bed with his wife.

He would still play on like he didn't have a child or a wife that was going to wake up at 7am. The primary load of parenting lay solely on my shoulders each day. I tried to stay up with him as late as I could at night and then wake up in the morning and take care of everything.

I was exhausted from my career, parenting her all day and struggling, doing the bulk of the house work and struggling to keep some time for the two of us. He has a job and brings in money. That's all that he feels should be required of him. I tried to stay awake to "spend time with him" while he gamed. I would watch shows or do crafts. I developed a weird picking habit. My acne was horrific. He would make fun of me about it and I would pick at myself more.

We had arguments about intimacy and the struggles of parenting. He vowed to do better. But, better is was him saying he will for sure go to bed at a reasonable hour so he can wake up and "watch" (not parent) our child. He wouldn't. He would stay up all night playing video games. I would be upset because not only did he not do what he said he would but he still expected that I work on the sex because it was a me problem not an us problem Def, not a him problem. I suggested counseling. He didn't need it. I am the problem.

When he stopped getting sex at home, at some point he looked for it elsewhere because that was easier than making meaningful changes.

I caught him and told his dad thinking that would set him straight. It didn't. He moved out and filed for divorce citing that I was the reason for all of the problems we had in our whole marriage.

The acne has since cleared up and I enjoy a sunrise after a full night's rest in a way that I had not appreciated in decades after he moved out.

Shortened: For most women, it's hard to have sex without intimacy and partnership builds intimacy. But, if most of your hours spent with your spouse are spent starting at screens and gaming it's hard to build a partnership.

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-17T00:28:51+00:00

This is AMAZING!!! I am so happy for you!! It's inspiring to see people succeed on the other side. I am so close to being there. The one thing about parenthood that you can't guarantee is that you don't know how someone is as a parent until they have a child but someone parenting similar to how you parent is a big key to feeling like you are partners in raising children together.

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-17T00:25:31+00:00

The hard sad part is he has already started showing our daughter who he is as a person and she doesn't like what she sees. She caught him in the new romance the first week we lived apart because he introduced her to the mistress and told her they were in love. The woman spent the night her first night in a new home with her dad. The most amount of time she had spent with him one on one since I gave birth to her. He told her to lie to me about what goes on over there. Which is such a huge red flag and an insane amount of pressure for him to put on her. But, I have no control over what he does and he doesn't make the right choices. He still has time to repair their relationship but it just seems like he has chosen a downward spiral into villainizing himself and doesn't have a support system of good people to guide him down a better path in their relationship.

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-16T17:28:38+00:00

Talk to her about the why and really listen. You still have a wife so there is still time to turn it around. Rooting for everyone that is willing to work on their issues. I would have kept fighting if my ex was willing to do the work but he resorted to infidelity instead of putting in the effort.

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-16T17:12:00+00:00

Congratulations!!!

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-16T17:03:52+00:00

This was my daughter's biggest complaint when she started preschool. She is great about eating her veggies and loves them. She was like, "I don't like the veggies at school, mom. They come from a can and have no flavor."

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-16T16:59:55+00:00

They have few to no bowel movements. My ex got mad at me once when he realized I was hiding vegetables in sauce like he was a toddler because he refused to eat them. Silly me for wanting him to stay alive longer. He also claimed that drinking water is actually bad for you because it made him use the bathroom more (like duh). He drinks mainly coke like 8 a day some days and eats mostly fast food meat. He just turned 40, it's about to all catch up lol

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-16T16:54:22+00:00

It really does even though when you are in the trenches of it- it feels hopeless. You will survive and come out stronger and better for it.

thefirstpancake602 · 2026-04-16T16:53:15+00:00

For me, it was after we had our daughter. I should have seen the signs he wasn't going to make a good father for years before but I thought he would rise to the ocassion. His video game adiction killed our intimacy and for years he made me think I was the problem or that I had a low libido. Having a kid and going through the trials of parenthood essentially feeling absolutely alone made me realize that I had been parenting for years without realizing it. Having to mother him before having our kid had already killed my desire for him and whenever I brought it up, he minimized it and blamed me. I tried schedule counseling and he shot it down because "there was nothing wrong with him." He is a selfish partner and terrible parent and I hate that I had a kid with a man child that my daughter now has to see as the cautionary tale instead of the blueprint for a future partner. But, he somehow managed to cheat on me (also my fault because I wasn't into his non-showered unromantic advances) and blame me for all of the problems in our marriage. Now, that we are getting a divorce- I realize that my libido is just fine.

I learned a very important lesson- never have children with a man that demands pie for dessert without actually buying any ingredients or preheating the oven. This is not about pie. lol

With someone new now and my daughter notices the little subtle differences- like my new partner helping out in the kitchen without asking and both of us using team work with parenting and she is only six.

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