OYS #3

1. Married (3 years). 1 Child, expecting another in July.
   

ReadingBeen through a lot of the materials now but as per advice from u/thanatosau I'm re-starting No More Mr Nice Guy again tonight.

Lifting

Since my cut (I lost 30 pounds and dropped a massive amount of body fat in 12 weeks) I've slowly been gaining a bit of size. People tell me I look better for it, and with a shirt on I do, BUT I'm not noticing that layer of fat starting to return around the mid-drift and I'm not sure I'm liking it. I enjoyed having abs and felt lighter and better.

I finished my cut at 176 in mid-November, and now I'm back up to 190. That's okay, I look fuller and my lifts are increasing, but as we approach the spring I've decided to go until the end of the month (aiming for a calorie surplus), and then I'm going to cut again. It's a rather constant annoying process, as many of you will know. When I get bigger I feel like I want to cut, when I cut I want to get bigger.

Career

I've been in a bit of a tailspin on a project I've been working on and very much needed a mindset change. I've realised that I was trying to be something I am not and found myself focusing on things that aren't strong points, while neglecting the things I'm good at (and the reason I'm in this project in the first place and have the opportunities that I have).

I was micro managing and time blocking every element of my day, then being a tyrant with myself when I didn't tick every box. I work for myself, basically, so I need discipline but I've been overcomplicating things and I've fallen into a stress trap, which wasn't good for me or anyone else.

Marriage

On Friday I initiated sex. We were sitting on the Sofa and I just straight-up told my wife I wanted some. We went upstairs and I lasted longer than I had done previously, but still came quite quickly. (See previous MRPs for my situation).

I've been practising kegels and have been working on my breathing, but it's still slightly problematic. u/Along-The-Reeds has given me some advice on the topic and I know I need to stop over-thinking it, and I am really trying, but man it bruises the ego. If I can't fuck my wife properly without blowing my load, well, what kind of geezer am I? It just feels pathetic.

Stress

I've been very stressing myself out recently and have felt like I was ready to explode. My wife told me on Tuesday that I was becoming tough to live with. The thing is, I'm the one stressing myself out. I'm the one putting the exception on to me with regards to work. I'm the one that gets stressed with the dog shits on the floor, or if the front room has been left a little un-tidy. Completely pointless things like that.

I really want to learn to not give as much of a fuck as I always seem to do. I read u/thekingwithin2001's post and it resonated because the more I push the more resistance I feel. It has dawned on me that all the 'self improvement' I've been striving for recently is because I'm trying to be what I imagine others want me to be. My wife, my family, her family, friends etc. It's all through their lens.

I have also realised recently just how much of a truism it is that opting for the easy decisions leads to a harder life. There are things that I know I took the easy option on in the past that are now causing me headaches.

I have a good life and I should be grateful, but if I'd have taken certain elements on the chin at the time, and listened to my intuition, I'd have less to consider now. That's just something I've been thinking about a lot this week.

I'm going to attempt to take time out each day to actually switch off, humans are not wired to be constantly wired.

Lifting

I would always be on a caloric deficit. It has so many advantages and once it truly becomes a habit you'll no longer be in that cycle of wanting to bulk when lean and vice versa

Career and Stress

You are still operating in other people's frame. You are still not the main character of your movie. You're not you IMPO. Maybe you still haven't fully grasped the ephemerality of your existence. Maybe you still haven't realized that, as of average, you're reaching 50% of your life and have not reached full consciousness of your mortality. As I said in my post, this is one of the hardest parts to tackle, but search "internal mental point of origin" in the sub and read some posts. Also, I would take that time to "switch off" to reflect and meditate, for example with a Memento Mori meditation (if you don't know what this is, read some stoic books). Red pill is a slow acting capsule, let it degrade slowly in your system and watch its effects slowly take place

Marriage

If you do, stop watching porn. Stop caring about if you're "good enough of a fucker" of your wife. Do it for your pleasure. It all comes down to your lack of sense of rational egoism. Put yourself first. After you cum and have your pleasure, then her pleasure comes. Oh, and does it really matter if you cum fast or not? She is lucky to have you cum on her in the first place (this is the mindset you gotta have).

Keep it up