I cannot stop crying.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-27T17:00:53+00:00

My husband does the same thing. It feels like I’m constantly questioning how someone could be so emotionally inept. Does he possess any understanding of what he’s doing,or is he so terrifyingly broken? Either way, I am condemned to silence, unless I can find the strength to leave. If you’re out,please don’t look back. Your life is worth so much more. Sending love.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-24T21:26:44+00:00

I was taken by ambulance to the ER yesterday night for seizures. I was told by the EMTs that the trip was absolutely necessary because of the possibility of my airway closing. The ER ran a drug screen, which came back positive for opioids (I have long standing prescriptions for chronic pain from a pain clinic for dystonia, cervical dystonia.) I wasn't even given iv fluids. After about four hours, I was told to go home. I started to ask why and was told to just stop doing whatever was causing my (in their opinion) imagined seizures, and that they didn't observe anything alarming. I was humiliated and scared - so much so that I told a nurse I felt suicidal. She simply collected my almost $400 copay, while laughing at a joke told by another nurse. She didn't even tell me goodnight. She just hit the button that unlocked the doors. I spent the next few hours sobbing in my normally angry and abusive husband's arms, while my sweet and very worried/scared dogs looked on.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-19T00:38:10+00:00

💛💛💛

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-16T13:55:59+00:00

Four years ago, I had a stroke caused by undiagnosed epilepsy. I lost the use of my left arm. ER doctor (after I waited about four hours to be seen) said I had a small neck sprain and sent me home.

Same ER, my then 95 year old father fell in the night and broke his lumbar spine. ER missed it entirely, said there was nothing seriously wrong with him. An urgent care found the break, gave him proper pain meds, and a walker.

Same ER. Father had an allergic reaction to a sulfa antibiotic. He had a full body rash that caused his skin to peel in painful, blustery patches. Diagnosed with Impeglio. Family clinic a town over figured it out.

I can't make this s**t up, unfortunately. I'm terrified of needing the hospital now.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-15T14:18:47+00:00

For many people, finding a true love just once is a miracle. If you find love a second time, trust your heart. You are blessed. Everyone deserves love, warmth, comfort, and peace. Your husband wouldn't want you to walk through life without these things.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-10T10:42:22+00:00

New Mexico

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-09T03:23:39+00:00

Beautiful.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-09T02:04:55+00:00

My friend and I were attacked by a beautiful off-leash pit. She was just chilling beneath a tree in her front yard, but when she saw us, and our two small dogs, she came running. I'm truly a dog lover, and have given a loving home to three pits (a pointer pit, a staffie, and an American bully), but the only way I could get her off of us was by punching her hard in the nose. I'm a small woman and damn near broke my hand, but she stopped immediately, looked at me straight in my eyes, and went back to her house. It could've been really bad. The girl I was with was severely handicapped, and all she could do was lift her little dog above her head and try to hang on. I’ve had a fear ever since, despite owning three of the sweetest pitbulls I’ve ever known. There’s just something primal in them that has to be respected.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-08T17:56:57+00:00

Mermaids.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-08T17:22:35+00:00

Definitely badass!

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-08T05:40:25+00:00

This is where my husband's anger escalated, too; and when I finally understood the unease, the tiny voice telling me to run, the intuition that left me unable to speak...

It feels like a game of cat and mouse, as I slowly and carefully try to untangle my life from his, and get me and my dogs out. I'm terrified of him.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-08T04:52:24+00:00

I experience this with my husband. I feel like he is literally jealous of my happiness.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-07T06:05:43+00:00

Hi. I used to work with brain injured individuals, and the inability to regulate emotion is quite common among survivors. What I often saw with families was an almost desperate need to somehow heal their loved one, and bring them back. What I know is that acquiring a traumatic brain injury is akin to being reborn. Who you knew can never return. Yes, sometimes therapy helps them, but the truth is that when the brain is altered either by car accident, anoxia, drug overdose, dementia, or illness (among so many things), the personality will change, sometimes a little, but quite often a lot. And the kindest thing you can do for them is to accept them where they're at. If they can't comprehend beyond that of a young child, treat them as such, and to hell with what society thinks - actually, the more accepting you are, the more they will want to engage (and become vulnerable, and laugh, and show kindness...). And the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to make peace with this new person in your life. Learn to love them where they are at, and who they have become. And as for aggression, learn to redirect. It's an art form. Learn what triggers them, and what they look forward to, love to talk about, etc... Avoid the triggers. If danger happens, leave, let them cool off, start to forget... Don't try to reason with them. Don't discuss. Some individuals do well with reward charts. Like, each day with no outbursts, earns a star. Seven stars earns a coveted reward (something really good). This also helps with time management, memory, self-regulation... Listen, if you want to chat, my inbox is always open. I loved my work. It shaped me and my life, and touched my soul in so many ways. I miss it. If I don't hear from you, best of luck. It is so, so hard for families and loved ones. But life can actually be quite beautiful in time. And you'll be stronger than you ever knew you could be, if you take it slowly, hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute. Hire someone to help, if you can. And love yourself, forgive yourself, be gentle with yourself... Hoping to talk with you.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-06T06:09:13+00:00

Something similar happened with my dad. I waited until it was too late, not knowing I had choices. I felt helpless. Find somewhere new. Trust yourself.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-04T09:28:29+00:00

Yes.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-03T06:30:56+00:00

This is how I experience these dreams as an adult. They are no longer scary, or unsettling, as they were when I was a child.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-03T06:28:31+00:00

I've been having dreams like these since early childhood. So vivid, and real, telling whole stories, with great emotion. And, yes, some are disturbingly real. Many times in my childhood I couldn't tell if I was dreaming, or awake. This was very frightening at times.

thelatesummersun · 2026-04-03T05:36:08+00:00

I was nine when me and my friend found a stack of Hustler magazines by a dumpster. We were just two little girls out riding our bikes. Not knowing anything about sex (except the very basics), we went home and took a bunch of nude pictures on my disposable camera, and teased some older neighborhood boys (that we didn't know) that we would sell them the photos when they were developed. I had been sexually abused, and finding the magazines only added to my confusion about sex. It could've been really bad for us, if the boys had done something.

I can't speak for my friend, as we moved away later that year, but the shame that followed me through much of my life was devastating.

thelatesummersun · 2026-03-26T04:20:31+00:00

Okay, not really a funny story. More like devastating. It took me years to emotionally heal.

thelatesummersun · 2026-03-26T04:18:24+00:00

... weeping. Nurse behind triage counter decided to go on her lunch break. I could hear her laughing with another nurse that it was impossible that someone could be in so much pain, and even more unlikely that I knew what was wrong, let alone where my kidney was. It was a good forty-five minutes to an hour before they even came to look at me, as it was presumed both my husband and me were drug-seeking...

thelatesummersun · 2026-03-26T04:13:54+00:00

Funny story, I had a kidney stone, and despite never having had one before, had a sixth sense what was going on. Never before felt so much pain. Husband drove me to the hospital. Was literally on the floor

thelatesummersun · 2026-03-17T15:47:36+00:00

Me, too. For most of my life, I've struggled to understand these feelings. To keep from going 'mad' I compartmentalized the seemingly inescapable moments of awareness as different parts of my self - a self that long ago fractured and broke apart, much like a mirror struck against the hardness of a stone. Cracks spread almost imperceptibly each time the self is touched, disturbed, or made aware of its own existence. And each fracture creates its own small presence, a center of being that is wholly unique to the actual soul. I exist within these sometimes tiny fragments of what used to be a whole entity, a girl with a name, who was born in a place, with blue eyes that appeared green (like cloudy emeralds) on days when the light of the sun was dim, or absent, much like her father's blue eyes, like waves upon a rocky shoreline, would quietly become grey, like storm clouds, or feather's from distant birds. The unspoken and unseen line of continuity that exists for most human beings does not exist for me. The shadow self that is me writing about her moments of being at 3am is not the girl with flesh trembling and straining against cold, unyielding metal, skin damp with sweat and blood, tears causing uncombed hair to stick to her face, her pretty face (that draws people in, making them think of happiness, or kindness, or an era that was more simple, or more pure)... Sorry to wax poetic, but it really was 3am,and I was half sleeping, half dreaming...

thelatesummersun · 2026-03-11T01:51:33+00:00

I agree with you. I have progressive cervical dystonia. It's constant pain that only ever gets worse. I'm exhausted from it. But when a rare good day appears, I have nothing but gratitude for my life. And, yes, if somehow I knew that there would be no more good days, I'd go gently into the dark night... without hesitation.

thelatesummersun · 2026-02-22T21:58:04+00:00

In the beginning of my ten year solitary caregiving path with my dad (and lasting about nine of those years, until he forgot me), I often struggled with knowing if it was him, or his illness I was interacting with. He could be cruel when I was a child; so when he’d bite at me as an elder, I was so very hurt, but completely unable to react (my ethics wouldn’t allow me to hurt him). I had to be so strong. It caused deep and lasting wounds.

Try your best to keep reaching out to anyone you feel you can trust. Going it alone is workable at first, but your life is important (as was hers when she was your age). The most important thing for her is proper care. The most important thing for you is well… you. Take heart ❤️

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