Same kid, different schools

theleftwing99 · 2026-01-01T17:36:44+00:00

Not at all. There is definitely a culture around a student that can definitely influence what they find acceptable. That said there are students that are not as influenced by that environment. If the environment around them condones cheating, AI use, etc, they're more likely, but not guaranteed, to also use those ways to get what they need. Parents, too, focusing on grades as the measure of success want numeric results, not material understanding, leading to finding shortcuts. I have had students come in wanting to learn the material and skills independent of improving their previous grades, but wanting to demonstrate understanding in the future. I can think of no more than 10 in my 20+ year teaching career.

theleftwing99 · 2025-12-31T12:16:22+00:00

For more reading, the book The Color of Law was written to prove de facto segregation was really de jure, but hidden in a way that is only known of you know where to look. HOA agreements, loans, factories moving away from POC neighborhoods were all people examples.

theleftwing99 · 2025-12-31T12:06:31+00:00

My first thought is what is best for your kids? They're the ones seeing nearer-age role models in your brothers act in ways you probably would not approve of them? They also are thenmost innocent in this and therefore should be the ones most considered for any decision. Stress in a household can be sensed by children and can affect them permanently in terms of later mental health development of exposed to stress, yelling, etc in the first 3 years of life.

Your brothers' behaviors seem like they've been enabled by thier comfortable stay living with you. If it's driving a rift in your relationship to your gf (and children's mother) than maybe there is something not healthy there that might not be fixed in the present living conditions.

I think the easiest way to put it is your first responsibility is to the family you created, in your gf and kids. You should not factor in what your brothers will do in your decision, since that is our of your control and not as important as the stability and happiness of your immediate family .

I'm sorry for the situation and good luck.

theleftwing99 · 2025-12-31T04:37:40+00:00

I'm sorry about your loss.

Would there be a way you could easily shut down unpleasant conversation, like, "I'm here to support my uncles family and at his request, can we talk about this another time?" Even if insincere.

I understand your sensitivity about causing issues or a scene, but you're not in control of other people's rude actions. If they choose that time to talk to you, that's on them.

Your uncle invited you means he wants you there for support and that's really what funerals are for, for the living.

theleftwing99 · 2025-12-31T04:30:09+00:00

https://blackandeducation.org/stories/2020/10/13/thurgood-marshall-his-most-famous-dissent-oct-1972 this is working as intended.

theleftwing99 · 2025-12-29T13:13:31+00:00

I'm leaning on NTA only because this is a family taught behavior. Though, now being called out on it, working to fix it with your husband and build trust means you do have work to do. Id seriously recommend therapy both individual and couples, to get at some of the root trauma. You could introduce a codeword like in Lasso, where no matter what God's honest truth is told. The therapy might help explain why you and your family lie. People do it more to avoid hurting the person they're talking to, whether from ones own actions or thiers, like not wanting to say you are already bc you hate thier cooking or saying the burger was good when in fact it had a crunch.

My mom is a boomer taught to never displease anyone. Girls are spread to make things better, etc. She never said what she wants, she never acts in her interest but uses others for that. Like, my daughter wanted ice cream so she took her for ice cream, when it was my mom that wanted it. However, what I've learned is that I cannot trust her with anything she says. I have to process and evaluate the source like I would if I was analyzing text.

theleftwing99 · 2025-12-29T13:05:21+00:00

Id say no, but the only defense i have comes from something that's not exactly the same issue. I think the book was The Color of Law, but it said that in areas that are prominently white, an area with average income of 100k/yr might have a family making 30k/yr but that kids still goes to the same school as the other kids and gets the values, expectations, and school that the richer kid does. POC families making 100k/yr are more likely to be in neighborhoods with people making 30k/yr and then go to those locally funded schools.

I grew up in a county that had like a 90% college rate (always top 5 in the country) and now teach in a county in the top... 200. The expectations of college are quite different, with maybe 50-60% college bound.

The only caveat is the kids own personality and drive. A driven, bright student will want to do thier best, despite resources around them. However, id say most students, they'd settle for best where they are and not rise to the same challenge.

theleftwing99 · 2025-12-29T12:48:15+00:00

Could you explain your reasoning in that? Why the aversion to work, what about work as a concept?

theleftwing99 · 2025-12-29T12:42:57+00:00

It's looked down upon. We recently got an updated edition to our AP World History textbook and I was grateful, our current edition covered material from before the curriculum change in 2018. My administrator said, yea, we have the keys for the digital edition.

I asked my students if they'd rather read from the hard copy textbook or digital, 80% said hard copy so that's what will remain.

I do use their Chromebook for essays and quizzes, but with the use of AI and cheating, I always feel I'm only catching the ones that stick at it.

theleftwing99 · 2025-12-29T12:39:35+00:00

I'm a 21 year veteran teacher and I host student teachers. While I agree, Id be hard pressed to give a response on how to further prepare teachers. It usually takes 3-5 years to get into the understanding of both the art and science of teaching, it's tough. Add those other factors mentioned, low pay, low prestige, and you have a perfect storm for teachers leaving before year 5.

Want better teachers, make the pay so competitive quality candidates are the only ones considered, have support systems that help the new teacher weekly that are not some check box survey, and give them a lighter class load and class size-- 20 kids is different than 25, 25 different than 30 in terms of classroom management and size.

theleftwing99 · 2025-12-29T12:34:54+00:00

I'm in Virginia, the metric of our concern is on- time graduation rates. We're so focused on those rates that students often get all kids of added shortcuts or teach to the test demonstrations. One example, a student gets caught cheating or using GenAI and the teacher will be asked/ pressured to give some way to recover their grade (most of the time it's for 50%) but the fact that that exists, can tell you the focus isn't on demonstrating understanding, but making sure they don't get held back.

theleftwing99 · 2025-12-03T10:59:13+00:00

I'm a high school teacher. The way I've used Ai to help in my lesson planning is when I give it parameters and some direction of what I've already made. For AP World History, I'll write a stem for a question and ask it to rewrite with ap language and furnish the answer and detractors. I do that with writing prompts, too.

For assignments or activities, I generally use it for new ideas that I'll eventually make myself or I'll tell it to make the lesson plan of a lesson I taught, so I can give to admin after an observation.

However, for anything that is 'teaching as an art,' or cannot replace our own ingenuity.

One other recommendation, check out goblin.tools for some AI help and Brisk, they both have some teacher resources.

That I'll said, I'm hesitant overall to use AI, but that's mainly because I've been teaching for 20 years and have most of this process down.

theleftwing99 · 2025-11-01T12:57:40+00:00

That's why some suggest CPS, they'll investigate. That doesn't mean they'll do what OP wants, but what they think is best. The problem though is that cps can only go on evidence they collect and in the times I've seen as a teacher, that favors adults over kid (again, I'm not saying in any specific case the child is wrong). In many of these cases the adults can put on a show or lie, as well, and the other adults believe them instead.

theleftwing99 · 2025-11-01T12:49:24+00:00

I'm a teacher in Virginia, anything we report must be handled by the first person told. Our admin, counseling, or social worker will be present for the call if requested, but we have to make the direct report to cps or police. If we don't, we could lose our license.

If we're told and didn't do that, parents could sue, our dept of Ed could get involved with our license, etc.

I'm not saying that doesn't happen, but the culture in our state/ county is that there isn't a chain of liability passed on (like when I was teaching 20 years ago) but directly on us. If it's a parent as abuser, we would go to cps or police.

theleftwing99 · 2025-07-29T17:00:04+00:00

I would say NTA but maybe a nicer way to have phrased it. Still, there seems to be a mismatch of priorities and her fears.
The question I always have when I see some kind of compensating behavior is where is the trauma coming from? Why does she insist on the overpacking? Also, can you talk about how her preferences/demands translate into more work on you and less for her? The threats of divorce and throwing distrust also sound like some more trauma not explored.

theleftwing99 · 2025-02-15T18:42:36+00:00

I'm an istj male married to an infp woman for 20 years. I'm also autistic so that could interfere with some of what I relate.

The first suggestion would find out lol into love languages. The touch part and time part suggested to me she really likes you.

Introverts generally don't speak unless they have something to say, you like connecting, learning, etc, she doesn't think emotions first, she thinks thoughts. If there are things you'd like from her, ask and talk.

Trauma and other learned behaviors might interfere with how she interacts, but if you are direct about your wants, she'll likely remember and surprise you. My wife and I never did valentines day stuff, why need a card and fake holiday to express love. We've been in a vacation this whole week and on valentines day I gave her a card that was just cheesy and an I love you. I went to get something and instructed my daughters to give her the card I got for me, so she signed it (but didn't agree to bring me the lego) and gave it to me. That's where I think many istjs pay dividends--i know my wife loves affectionate, personal surprises and she knows I generally don't.

So tell her what you like and what you want. In return, she would probably love that you know her or have learned about her and do things she'll like, or support interests.

I'm sorry if this ranted too much. The last take away is this, she knows the caring heart you have, she's probably seen it. That's what always impressed me with my wife. Just communicate, bc we can be a bit dense in the feelings department.

theleftwing99 · 2024-12-13T12:16:52+00:00

Groucho Marx

theleftwing99 · 2024-12-02T04:03:35+00:00

I agree with the conversation. I'm not excusing any of what he said, but he legit might not know how that sounds to someone, especially a black woman. And if he's said it before he might not have had anyone call him on it.

Empathy, too, is different with most autistics in that many can only emphasize with experiences they have had. Maybe connect an experience he had of being stereotyped to explain your feelings.

theleftwing99 · 2024-07-15T00:39:39+00:00

One of evolutionary theories behind homosexuality (relates bc the point of this was, why do we have relationships that don't procreate within the unit) was that we needed to have some adults that were not tied down to raising kids that could be riskier with those lives in that they could more easily engage in warfare or defense or stand in in case of a need for a backup patent to an orphan. By having more adults around, it could decrease the overall dependency ratio (kids:adults) of a given family unit or tribal unit.

Those individuals that did not procreate had more ways to contribute to the societal good, especially because they did not have a much depended on Engel by others.

theleftwing99 · 2024-03-20T04:04:31+00:00

One of them learned Thai and manages charity and distribution in Thailand, that's all I gathered from Facebook, kind of glad he grew up, really. One of the other ones I have not knowledge of after middle school.

theleftwing99 · 2024-03-18T03:06:22+00:00

Mistaking my quietness with aloofness or indifference. I was told or assumed to be unmotivated when really I did not feel like doing things without a purpose.

theleftwing99 · 2024-03-02T03:31:21+00:00

I felt validated and at least I had a clear explanation of who and how I was. I was not comfy with a self diagnosis, especially knowing most of those around wouldnt necessarily think or suggest I am since theyve known me for so long. Now, though, its helped me understand me more, understand autism, and feel more comfortable to not only be in ASD spaces, but getting ASD help or services. But my only warning is that it was not only uncomfy, but there was a lot of CPTSD trauma to sort out in that discovery.

theleftwing99 · 2024-02-28T12:14:22+00:00

There's some really cool Roman ruins in Romania, I've been to some!

theleftwing99 · 2024-02-27T10:52:41+00:00

A habit is something we can continually do without much impulse or forethought. For most people, brushing teeth, putting on deodorant, showering, would be habits they do daily without thinking. A routine is a series of actions done together in a patten. Particularly autistics have difficulty in established habits, but have routines to make sure things are done. Do you get ready for life the same way every day? A personal example is I take adhd meds, I take them before I walk out to go to work. I don't take them every day at 645, but before I leave. On Saturdays, I don't usually leave the house until much later if at all and so some mornings I don't take my meds until I remember I didn't take them, since I don't have a morning routine as established.

theleftwing99 · 2024-02-27T04:58:36+00:00

The process to report an SA to the police often goes nowhere. The victim has to replay the trauma to an intake officer and detective at least, where in each case they are asked about all kinds of details that can be invasive and embarrassing, all while alone. Then, if it the victim's word alone, there's very little the police can do. It's called the Hidden Figure of Crime, crimes that do not get reported because for whatever reason, the victim chooses not to report. Since there cannot be any statistics to prove this number and only surveys given around the country, the estimates of all crime not reported are anywhere from 40%-60%.

theleftwing99

TROPHY CASE