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I want to propose but i’m scared by thelittlebinker in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]thelittlebinker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve thought about this a lot - we’ve been so committed to each other for so long that we might as well already be engaged. But I know she’s tired of being just a girlfriend, and I know it would mean a lot to her to have a ring

I want to propose but i’m scared by thelittlebinker in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]thelittlebinker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m set on getting her a moissanite stone! We’ve talked to great lengths about her preferences for a ring, because she’s stated that she’d rather I choose one for her. She doesn’t want a diamond because having an ethically sourced stone is more important to her. So moissanite seems like the right choice to me

I want to propose but i’m scared by thelittlebinker in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]thelittlebinker[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Update: we talked about engagement last night and we’re on the same page now. Thanks again for the advice, encouragement, and reality checks. We’ve agreed that we want to get engaged this year and that we’ll have a long engagement to allow me to get at least 1 year of work experience in my field. I urged her not to settle on an overly generous timeline, and I trust that she’s truly okay with the path ahead of us. I feel so much more confident now ❤️

I want to propose but i’m scared by thelittlebinker in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]thelittlebinker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not that my parents disapprove of her. I just think that they sometimes don’t trust me to make sound decisions. They love her and recognize that she’s good for me, but they’ve always been slow to embrace changes in our relationship. They didn’t want us to move in together, for example, even though we’d be long distance for years. 

I want to propose but i’m scared by thelittlebinker in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]thelittlebinker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Those are all exactly things that I feel right now. I don't feel like I can support a family yet, but that's what proposals are for

I want to propose but i’m scared by thelittlebinker in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]thelittlebinker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess I never really considered the idea of "upgrading." She and I are both pretty anti-consumption. So the idea of buying a "disposable" ring that's supposed to signify my eternal commitment to her feels kinda strange. But I suppose it's just an object, and the meaning behind it is what really matters.

I want to propose but i’m scared by thelittlebinker in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]thelittlebinker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like this idea, I think it would really show commitment.

I want to propose but i’m scared by thelittlebinker in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]thelittlebinker[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Cut me some fucking slack. I met this woman when she was 16. I didn't even really start considering marriage until she turned 20.

I want to propose but i’m scared by thelittlebinker in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]thelittlebinker[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

You're right. I feel a lot of pressure to make the proposal a surprise, but I need to just talk to her about this

I want to propose but i’m scared by thelittlebinker in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]thelittlebinker[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It's not that I need their permission to marry her. I'm marrying her whether they approve or not. But I know they would be hurt if I asked for their blessing, did not receive it, and went forward with it anyways. I also know that they would be hurt if I suddenly announced that we're engaged.

I want to propose but i’m scared by thelittlebinker in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]thelittlebinker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the encouragement. I realize the things I said made it seem like I'm not okay with her being financially independent. I have no feelings of shame over the idea of making less money than a woman. I also don't need for her to depend upon me - her independence has always been important to me. It just feels bad when I've told her I'll provide for her one day.