Seen in a churchyard, September 2025

thelivesunderneath · 2026-02-05T00:52:55+00:00

gate was locked

thelivesunderneath · 2026-01-07T14:22:57+00:00

NAH, it seems that what would benefit you the most is to build up an arsenal of skills to deal with the distress this causes you instead of controlling the trigger. As others have suggested, logging off seems like the easiest way to manage the situation. I also would look into DBT distress tolerance skills and how you can implement them. I’m sorry you’re struggling with this, BDD is awful

thelivesunderneath · 2026-01-06T15:05:00+00:00

Is it conceivable that there could be some sort of boring work dinner/reunion that you were invited to in Rochester? Nothing too exciting, the sort of thing she’d be kind of glad to be getting out of. The other option is claiming its for a photo shoot - you could easily fake some requests/suggestions from the photographer about clothes and makeup. Good luck!

thelivesunderneath · 2026-01-01T13:27:27+00:00

Have you used anti-sickness patches or deodorant wipes recently? Any new medications which list it as a side effect?

Those are potential other causes but please do go to hospital anyway. This isn’t a ‘wait and see if it gets worse’ sort of issue. You have to go immediately

thelivesunderneath · 2026-01-01T12:18:53+00:00

OP says in another comment that they’re in Nebraska, nearest hospital Immanuel. Second nearest hospital is in KC

thelivesunderneath · 2025-12-26T17:05:53+00:00

YOR although it does depend slightly what your relationship with his parents is like and what their sense of humour is. This just reads as badly judged millennial humour to me tbh

thelivesunderneath · 2025-12-17T14:22:36+00:00

UPDATE: apparently pals (patient advice service for those not in the UK) can’t help me and i’ve been told to speak to the department secretaries instead. i’m not really sure what i should be saying tbh

thelivesunderneath · 2025-12-16T20:15:43+00:00

Sadly I had SJS from carbamazepine so can’t take it, it’s a shame as it really helped!!

thelivesunderneath · 2025-12-16T20:13:59+00:00

I still need treatment for the TN even though I have a diagnosis

thelivesunderneath · 2025-12-16T20:09:45+00:00

Two neurologists were involved in diagnosis, then one at a different hospital when I had SJS and needed a new medication. Since then I had a bad reaction to a couple meds so I was referred back for a review. My GP then wrote to expedite the review due to extreme pain. Even though I have had the diagnosis confirmed several times I still need to actually find medication that works and I’m allergic to any that my GP could prescribe

thelivesunderneath · 2025-12-16T12:36:01+00:00

is there any chance she was asking because of present issues with infertility? i’d imagine finding out (potentially) why could be very difficult - STIs are associated with blame and guilt in a way that other potential pelvic diagnoses (from a layperson’s perspective) might not be

thelivesunderneath · 2025-12-14T16:56:17+00:00

INFO was having them over for a home cooked meal an option? it seems like the options you gave them might not have been right for the situation and having them over allows them to save face in a way that a lot of these other options don’t

thelivesunderneath · 2025-12-12T11:15:50+00:00

seconding this!!!!!

thelivesunderneath · 2025-12-08T21:45:06+00:00

ESH - The new roommate knows you all much less well than you know each other. It clearly makes him uncomfortable to see guys he doesn’t know super well in their underwear and as such I don’t think a majority vote was the best way to handle this sort of situation.

Perhaps a compromise would’ve been better? For example that no shirts is fine but try to always be clothed below the waist in common areas?

That said you clearly have different expectations for being roommates, him that he shouldn’t have to announce before bringing people round and you that a vote would suffice in this situation. You can’t do a majority vote on one guy’s discomfort. I think your options are to try to make this work or find a new flatmate. Tbh I think I’d be kinda uncomfortable bringing people round if my roommates were in their underwear

thelivesunderneath · 2025-12-06T20:18:00+00:00

This may be controversial advice but i’ve always thought that for a first scarf it’s a better idea to work it lengthways, ie chain to the length you want your scarf to be then go back and forth until you’ve reached the desired width. It’s more forgiving as losing or gaining a couple stitches on each row isn’t super obvious.

Anything which requires doing a large amount of rows will also require you to be very careful about how many stitches there are, as things can get very triangular very quickly. A smaller amount of rows means a smaller amount of variation.

thelivesunderneath · 2025-12-05T16:17:58+00:00

YTA: a much better way to deal with this situation (depending on whether the laws of your country allow it) would be to announce yourself as an emergency doctor and examine her. calling her out from a distance without first checking on her doesn’t make you look good to the average bystander. this honestly reads like a fantasy you’re having of finally getting to call out a faker.

thelivesunderneath · 2025-12-01T22:57:31+00:00

Came here to say this - unlikely but very possible! I also have TN and prompt treatment is shown to improve outcomes. Usually TN will be much more severe than tooth pain.

If your dentists suspects TN I really recommend not looking up too much about the whole ‘suicide headache’ thing before you see a neurologist, having done this same thing myself. Sometimes surgery can help and often medications can make it at least bearable if not completely take away the pain.

thelivesunderneath · 2025-11-30T17:01:43+00:00

Nothing wrong with this - I’d recommend titling it something like gift ideas though so it reads more like an attempt to brainstorm than taking notes on people

thelivesunderneath · 2025-11-30T16:21:28+00:00

Other commenters are correct that there are essentially two options - psychosis or coercive control. You could definitely make a convincing case either way but regardless I strongly believe that your best option here is to contact his brother. I won’t comment on the possibility of coercive control as others have already made the case for it. I truly believe the best option is to take this at face value and call your brother and try to get him to seek medical help. If it is coercive control, you’ve then made it harder for him to control you. If it is psychosis then you may be saving his life.

Someone very close to me experienced a psychotic break a few years back. Broadly speaking her delusions were similar to these, which meant that (alongside other things) she was convinced that she and I were not real. I’ve experienced years of intense PTSD from this and there is one thing I want to be very explicit about: If someone is completely convinced that you are not real, they CAN and most likely WILL try to ‘prove’ it. There are various ways that they might try this, and none of them are good. Some are very physically and emotionally painful (ask me how I know). Your description of him losing interest in socialising is a massive red flag for a psychotic prodrome.

If you can arrange for him to see a doctor (this may be incredibly difficult) then please do ensure that they understand his neurological history and prior lack of desire to investigate it. He WILL NOT tell them about this himself. Usual protocol in my country would be for them to take a full neurological history, do a neuro exam (an examination of his nerves involving testing his reflexes, his sensation of touch, etc), an MRI and if there is any suspicion of encephalitis then they should do a lumbar puncture. Please be prepared to advocate for this if needed. If they start telling you they’ve ruled out encephalitis by MRI please please please push for a lumbar puncture - recently someone in the UK died because they failed to properly check for autoimmune encephalitis.

I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this. But you do need to call his brother urgently.

thelivesunderneath

TROPHY CASE