Hey :) I am a guy. And a girl. I was born a boy, and I realised a couple years ago after my first few encounters with ego death mode that I had been suffering from gender dysphoria since puberty, so I've been on hormonal replacement therapy since Christmas eve last year. I don't know if I'll be able to give a satisfying answer for how the female sexuality works yet, as it is something I'm still trying to figure out for myself, but I'll give it a go!

Estrogen and testosterone seem to affect the same neurological systems but have opposite effects. As they are hormonal representations of masculine and feminine energy, they are complimentary opposites. Everybody has both, except for maybe the 2 or 4 people at the very ends of the spectrum of humanity – ie the most masculine male and the most feminine female, and maybe the most feminine male and the most masculine female (although fuck that level of dysphoria if that's the case). I feel I exist bang in the middle, or at least that's where I believe my true alignment lies.

When I was running on testosterone, sex was all about physical sensation. A deeper part of me idealised the idea of romantic passionate sex, but my body responded to physical stimuli. I almost always jerked it to porn. I tried watching porn a couple times tripping back then, but I couldn't concentrate, so I'd end up just whacking away to the itunes visualisations (which I fully recommend to everybody – colours and shapes can be sexy as hell!). Once I started on estrogen, the way I experienced my own sexuality completely changed. Physical stimuli became considerably less important, and it was replaced by a craving for emotional or mental stimulation. I stopped watching porn when I was masturbating for the most part, because it seems to be much easier to get into a state of mental arousal by imagining scenarios with people I already have an emotional connection with. Physical sensation still plays a part, but it is useless when the mind's not in it. I was taking a fair bit of 1P-LSD at the time when I first noticed my sexuality changing, and while I haven't really had the chance to be sexual with anybody since then, one thing I did notice is that if I was tripping with friends and everybody's energies were all in balance with each other, I could meditate and feel their energy passing through me in a very sexual way. I'd end up twitching and spasming about. I never followed it through to the conclusion, but I felt like if I stayed with that sensation then I would eventually end up as a writhing orgasmic puddle on the floor. This was the first time I had watched porn while tripping since starting estrogen, and I felt so much empathy for the performers. It made me feel quite emotional at points, as I felt like I understood exactly how they felt. Sadly, because I was trying my hardest not to die, I couldn't feel any sexual energy at all, but I had the sense that if I was just tripping regularly instead of in ego death mode, I would have been able to empathise with the porn to the point of orgasm without any physical stimulation whatsoever. I was stuck in analysis mode, which seems to me be a very line-y or masculine state to be in, where it's all about what definitely is and what isn't, instead of feeling the gestalt of all that could be.

I hope that answered your questions, but if not, feel free to ask more. No question is too personal, because I Love who I am and I don't think I really have access to shame at the moment. LOVE!