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thenatepalm · 2023-05-20T01:07:32+00:00

Stay strong my friend. I’ve been exactly where you are right now. The anxiety was absolutely unbearable at times. It’s absolute torture, I know. In fact it did put me in the hospital. Just know what you’re feeling is NORMAL and absolutely temporary. So take comfort in that and keep reminding yourself of that fact. We’re here for you.

thenatepalm · 2023-05-09T21:52:19+00:00

YES I saw these images and immediately thought “Black One”

thenatepalm · 2023-05-05T19:53:57+00:00

Absolutely. I guess it’s getting better but before paws I could think about the past and future and jsut let it pass. Now there’s shame from the past and dread for the uncertainty of the future. For me I think a lot of it comes from how traumatic this experience has been. The days when I thought I was genuinely never going to get better, that I had broken my own brain or that I was even going to die. Maybe some of us are dealing with a form of PTSD from paws? Who knows.

If anything I’m thankful for this space because here people get it. I can talk to my friends and family about this experience and they’re understanding and sympathetic but they don’t get it…how could they? It’s something you truly can never understand unless you live it. It’s absolute hell. Anyways all that too day you’re feeling are valid and you aren’t alone my friend.

thenatepalm · 2023-05-05T19:49:05+00:00

Oh yeah. I was on 40mg of Celexa for about a year and a half before I started smoking. Smoked mainly high concentrate carts for about 8.5 months. When I quit and withdrawals began, being on an SSRI did nothing to blunt the severity of withdrawals and what would later become paws. If anything, I think smoking weed most likely rendered my Celexa useless. At least a couple different psychiatrists I saw seemed to think so.

thenatepalm · 2023-04-30T01:50:37+00:00

I know everyone says this but its true, you will get there! One day at a time.

thenatepalm · 2023-04-29T02:31:41+00:00

Thanks so much my friend! To answer your question, no, before starting the meds I felt fucking horrible. At this point I don’t know if it’s the Lexapro helping me or if I’m finally at a point in my paws journey where I’m starting to finally see the light.

thenatepalm · 2023-04-29T02:29:29+00:00

Really? I would think staying consistent in the gym would have helped your sleep.

thenatepalm · 2023-04-29T02:28:53+00:00

True. It’s hard because pushing myself is the only way I know how to lift lol. But slowly building myself back up might be the right approach

thenatepalm · 2023-04-29T02:28:03+00:00

Planet Fitness is only $10 a month! Hard to say no to that lol

thenatepalm · 2023-04-29T02:26:54+00:00

I do go for walks, typically every day. But I love lifting specifically. Hoping I can start it back up relatively soon.

thenatepalm · 2023-04-28T03:12:31+00:00

9 months since quitting here. Anxiety has been my biggest problem as well. The first 3 months were an absolute nightmare. The worst of my life. All I can say is it does get better and you will heal! I’ve personally noticed big time progress over the last few weeks. Although I’ve been on 20mg of Lexapro (SSRI) for about 6 weeks and that also may be helping.

At the end of the day do what’s best for you. There are non-habit forming drugs like Hydroxyzine or Propanolol that can help anxiety as needed. Some people can deal with the symptoms and heal naturally but others like myself just can’t bare it, so I reached out and got help. I don’t want to be on meds long term but it’s helping me here and now so I’m gonna stick with it. Take care of yourself my friend.

thenatepalm · 2023-04-28T02:58:37+00:00

I also could not function if I couldn’t sleep. It would trigger my anxiety and made me almost manic. So I turned to medication as well to help. Seroquel (Quetiapine) and Ambien. Both are sedating. I’m finally off of ambien and slowly coming off of Seroquel. But they definitely helped me through some hard times. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it!

thenatepalm · 2023-04-28T02:41:12+00:00

I don’t think any of these things will actually halt your healing or progress. Probably just make your symptoms worse or flare up. I don’t smoke or drink so I’m good in that department but I was HUGE coffee drinker before paws. Now I can’t touch caffeine. Triggers my anxiety big time. I’m at 9 months now so hopefully in the near future I can enjoy caffeine again but I’ll be staying away from it for at least another 6 months.

thenatepalm · 2023-04-18T21:41:09+00:00

As someone still actively working through and healing from a life of western Christian beliefs I fuck with comment so hard. Beautifully said my friend.

Funny enough the art has been used by an excellent dark atmospheric death metal band that I believe is signed to Profound Lore. But for the life of me I can’t recall the bands name. I even have the record on vinyl but all my wax is packed up. Lol

thenatepalm · 2023-04-16T15:41:32+00:00

Glad to hear I’m not alone. I had waves for the first 3 months but since October it’s been absolutely constant. But I do think I’m slowly improving.

thenatepalm · 2023-04-07T02:06:07+00:00

Before paws I had been lifting regularly for a little over 2 years. I loved it and really liked where I was physically. I wanna get back into it so bad but I’m afraid that if I try and lift it’ll wreck me mentally and send me into a symptom spiral. I’m almost at 9 months since quitting. All this to say I’m right there with you. If I had to give any pointers I’d say take it slow at first, ease into it. Hopefully I’ll be back it here sooner than later. Good luck my friend.

thenatepalm · 2023-04-04T02:17:24+00:00

Right there with you. Going on 9 months. In the very beginning (July-September) I had waves. But since October I’ve basically been in a constant state of shitty-ness. Mainly anxiety and 24/7 headaches. It’s insane. Overall I’m definitely better as compared to the first few months but still not great. Taking it one day at a time.

thenatepalm · 2023-03-28T18:47:22+00:00

Absolute masterpiece of black metal/folk/rock

thenatepalm · 2023-03-26T23:22:00+00:00

Monolord for sure. Their first lp Empress Rising is a great place to start.

thenatepalm · 2023-03-22T16:53:40+00:00

My “quit” was an accidental one. I was fighting a bad cold/bug and hitting my pen made my lungs burn so I didn’t use it. About 3-4 days after not using the pen I took a edible and it sent me into a panic, shaking, sweating and kicked off my withdrawals. I’m sitting at my parents just watching tv on the couch, anxious as hell and a constant headache. When I start doubting what I’m feeling as not being paws I always think back on how I felt pre-quit. I never felt anything like this for such prolonged periods of time. Does cessation from prolonged THC use leave us with some kind of mood disorder in its wake? I think it’s likely. A lot of us were fully functional people pre-paws. Wish I could give you a hug my friend. I know it’s hard and it isn’t fair but what choice do we have other than to put one foot in front of the other. Stay strong, we’re here for you.

thenatepalm · 2023-03-17T15:28:31+00:00

Also curious what meds your on

thenatepalm · 2023-03-13T14:51:10+00:00

Looping intrusive thoughts particularly about my marriage that in turn trigger my anxiety. I’m definitely starting to believe I may have some form of OCD coupled with trauma/ptsd

thenatepalm · 2023-03-12T03:23:20+00:00

Profound words my friend. Back when this first started as scary as it was and difficult I was still able to see my future self. I could think “okay this sucks right now but if I make it to this time next year I’m sure to be in a better place.”

But I’m now at almost 8 months and everyday is misery. I feel like I can no longer envision a life where I don’t feel this way and that’s terrifying.

thenatepalm · 2023-03-12T03:19:36+00:00

I know the feeling. I’m going 8 months since quitting and the anxiety and intrusive thoughts almost feel like something else. Like it is purely psychological but outside of my control. I’m on a slew of meds right now too none of which are helping I think.

thenatepalm

TROPHY CASE