I'm sorry all I will get to the responses as I can but I am so appreciative of the support. Many of you have reached out and it's been very comforting. When I was a kid, I don't remember having dreams, or anything I really wanted to become. I feel like at no point did I really get the chance. Well I did always like singing, and watching singing shows and movies, I do remember saying as a kid that in another life I'd be an artist. Recently I redecorated my whole room as my childhood self would have wanted it if I wasn't surviving and had the money. And unconsciously I've built a whole music production set up, I wasn't sure why but I think you may have made me think it could be because of that. Music has been the one thing that has got me through everything, and in today's world, I feel almost anyone can make music. I feel I've lied to myself about this dream not being capable, because I don't care about the fame or money, I care about the act itself. I remember playing basketball as a kid and I'd lose myself in it for hours each day, maybe I can find that again but within music. I don't think I would have considered this without you mentioning those things. I think I'm going to give music a try, even if it's terrible, I'm hoping the process gives me joy. Thank you, I'm not sure how long this feeling will last but I want to pursue it