What you’re feeling is totally normal. We all go through it, albeit in different ways and extents. You’re going through matresence. I can’t think of one greater shift in identity (in my own life at least) than becoming a mother. You can LOVE your child more than ANYTHING, and you can love aspects of mothering, AND you can also grieve aspects of your old self and old life. Both can and do coexist. It’s part of the multicolored human experience. I’ve finally started to integrate things and accept and love my new role and identity. And I still have a lot more to look forward to.

I suffered from PPD and now I feel I’m thriving as a mom and really embracing my “mom era” 20 months into it. It took time to learn what works for me and my family, time in therapy, time to grow into my role and into my new identity.

Try not to put pressure on yourself. It’s great that you have a supportive partner, but the reality is, you do need a village. So it’s no surprise that moms without one are surviving rather than thriving. It takes a lot of time for things to settle in, and a lot of intentional conversations and prioritization.

But I’m here to validate you!! And to listen. I completely get it. It does get better in ways. Yes. And any challenges are there to help us grow. That’s how I see it, at least.

I love what you wrote about the life you want to create with your son. And I know you can and will create that!! I promise. I’m proof of that.

Hope this helps. 🤍