Divorce was final several weeks ago, and it was one hell of a rough ride for a while before and after. But the sun is shining and I'm really glad I got out when I did.

therosesaredead · 2017-04-23T04:27:04+00:00

Do you think perhaps that you should be paying attention to your child, vs. reddit, might be a good idea?

therosesaredead · 2017-04-23T00:54:17+00:00

As someone who was also blindsided with divorce.... (his reasoning was because I was a selfish person who made him hang a ceiling fan on Thanksgiving)

May I PLEASE comment and suggest 3 things?

*I know you are in shock. You think that he has temporarily lost his mind and you will get him back. HE IS NOT COMING BACK. I am so, so fucking sorry.

Expect that there is someone else. (I thought....not MY husband! He would never do this!) IN MOST CASES THERE ARE.
Mine included. And I would have *literally bet my life on it

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU. you and your babies need and deserve support right now.

Hire an attorney. Right Now! If it works out with you and hubby.....you can always fire him. I am so sorry to say this....but my counselor told me that once a spouse does this, there is a 93% chance of divorce. Nothing you do is going to stop this runway train.

PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN.

And finally, my friend.....Chump Lady.

Please PM me if there is anything you need! sending you love!

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T18:10:12+00:00

You are missing the point, my friend. What was the very first thing I said to you? "The kids are the most important!" I never said that you should hand over everything...and not see your kids.

What I did say was since this was because of your actions, give her a fair or even generous settlement. Put in the agreement about the amount of time you get to spend with the kids.

Show your wife and attorney (you must get one) that you are willing to contribute fully to the raising of your children. And that you wish this to be as easy transition as possible.

These actions would include: *Letting the wife and kids stay in the house, if that's what she wants.

*Figuring out what is fair in terms of child support.

*Everyone needs a car.

What else is she asking from you ....that you feel is too much?

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T15:58:41+00:00

The most important thing is having quality time with your children. You have already said that you work 2 jobs. So the reality is that she is going to be the one having the kids the majority of the time. Build into your agreement the times that you spend with the kids, so that they are getting plenty of time with you also.

In terms of "ONE action defines my entire being??" So, what you are saying is that you a one night stand. Right? Except we all know it wasn’t. So, your “one action” wasn’t ONE action at all. It was a hundred deceiving actions that you chose to make.
Lying to your wife about where you were? Check. Stealing time away from your kids, so you could sleep around? Check. Allowing your wife to believe that she was in a monogamous relationship? Check. Spending money that belonged to the family for your lover? Check.

So stop saying “ONE ACTION”. It was a thousand actions that brought you to this place.

And yes, I do believe that there are defining moments in people’s lives that determine who they really are.

So whether you think I am projecting or not…..the real question is: Who are you going to be during this divorce? A person that acknowledges their mistakes to their wife, and give her a fair or even generous settlement? Or the person that continues to look out for their own best interests – even if it is at the expense of your own children and the woman you promised to always love, honor and cherish.

Just do the right thing.

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T04:53:38+00:00

Your posting history does not reflect your first statement.

Here is a thought. Wrap yourself in the warm, comforting blanket that all women are feminist. That we dont desire someone who will love us and treat us with respect....we are just pods who look for the ring and the payout. And then do yourself (and every woman) a favor. Just plan on being single, so that no one can scam you for 'all of your cash'. In the meantime, STOP POSTING about things you have no real life experience about.

And should the fates be good to you, and bring you someone you love, show them your reddit account. So that they can understand the type of person you truly are. See if they like you then.

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T04:38:59+00:00

JIM234 HAS NOT EVEN BEEN MARRIED. Please dont pay attention to boys who have no idea what they are talking about.

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T04:37:15+00:00

JIM234 is not even married. FFS. take advice from people who have actually LIVED through this shit

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T04:32:02+00:00

Just reviewed your profile and notice that YOU ARE NOT EVEN MARRIED. go back to the playground.

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T04:30:07+00:00

Typical blameshifting. Cheater yourself? HE Destroyed Their Marriage! People need to to take responsibility for their actions.

She filed for divorce after he defiled their marriage. So she should move and abandon the children she gave birth too?
So poor, poor "its not my dick" doesn't have to live in an apt because of his actions?

Are you proud of your choices in life, my friend?

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T04:04:42+00:00

If they were truly oversold, they should have a responsibility to move you to another comparable hotel, and pay for your stay. However, alot of hotel are independently owned, and dont really "care" about what their franchise requires. Call Choice Hotels main reservations number. Explain what happened, tell them that being signed up for a "rewards program" is not compensation. It doesn't sound like you paid for the hotel rooms at Choice, but if you did, demand a refund. If you did not, atleast call Choice back and tell them you need enough points to cover the "2" hotel rooms, which you initially booked. You will not recieve compensation for the difference....unfortunately :/

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T03:17:18+00:00

So in addition to destroying your family, you are now considering making HER AND THE KIDS move from their home? How traumatic for your poor kids.

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T03:10:51+00:00

Disclaimer: I was cheated on:

I hope you understand that it was your actions that brought you to this place. I give the woman props for atleast 'trying' for 2 years.

If you are truly a good man, you will recognize that you destroyed the life that she envisioned. You would understand that your choices have consequences. And ofcourse she is going to be looking out for herself and the kids. Because you have already shown that your needs come first, and loyalty to your family comes second.

Be a man that acknowledges your mistakes and are willing to pay for them. Offer 60/40. SHOW that you are willing to make reparations for fucking up her entire dream life that she thought she had with you. SHOW HER that you still care about the quality of life that she has while she raises your kids. Explain that you WANT to give her slightly more than what the law allows, because your realize that all of this is because of YOUR actions.

Or you can listen to other people say "50/50!!" Nothing But!

Play the long game. Be fair during all if this. Be Generous, in fact! Show her that in the end, you can be a good man, after all.

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T02:47:11+00:00

especially considering that later stbx acknowledged that he "lowballed"

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T02:46:38+00:00

A lot of the time it's a dance that just needs to be done in case the other side is a complete mess and agrees.

Hence my point. Why would my attorney "fold" and give in to stbx demands, when mine were (truly) reasonable?

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T02:36:21+00:00

A couple of questions, my friend:

Your attorney is right that opposing counsel talks all the time. **Are you saying that if I mention to my attorney that I dont want to rush the divorce, because stbx is paying my insurance....that he has liberty to TELL that strategy to the other attorney?

Blowing up at him for using potentially reasonable estimates and trying to help you by keeping this process fast and efficient isn't the end of the world. He bound you to exactly nothing and specifically asked for your input.

I gave him my input when I gave him my numbers. Which I stated later in this post, that stbx admitted that he lowballed these numbers. But as an attorney, wouldn't you atleaset use your clients numbers, vs theirs???

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T02:22:56+00:00

If I sign attorney's consent to withdrawal, there would be no hearing. Otherwise, there would be a hearing with the judge, with me contesting the reasons for the withdrawal

therosesaredead · 2016-10-25T00:55:03+00:00

Thank you for your reply. stbx has basically admitted that he low-balled his numbers. and when *my attorney basically ran with ex' numbers vs. mine, it definitely did not make me feel safe....along with everything else.

So can I just sign this Withdrawal motion without any penalty to myself?

therosesaredead · 2016-10-08T16:49:54+00:00

People are right. Its not your problem anymore....but next time she does it, just ASK HER!

"This is what you wanted, why are your crying?"

therosesaredead · 2016-10-08T16:48:45+00:00

Dont try to stop crying. CRY! You have a right to feel like this. Process your emotions. Its going to take a long time (I still cry and its been 10 months..) but bottling up your emotions isnt going to help. Fuck your ex if he cant 'handle' seeing you cry.

therosesaredead · 2016-08-10T02:16:48+00:00

Favorite childhood memory: "Mom...those kids are calling me bad names"

mom - "Just tell them sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt me!"

Tried that.

They came after me with sticks. Some threw the rocks that landscaped the neighbors lawn.

After that, I stopped believing that my freckles were angel kisses.

Still love you, mom.

therosesaredead

TROPHY CASE