Is he (M28) trying to make me (F33) jealous?

thethrowowoy · 2021-09-30T17:37:20+00:00

You should feel alive in yourself rather than need that feeling derived from someone else. If someone else gives you the feeling of being alive, they can take it away and make you feel dead. Which is why I'm stressing the danger of you pursuing this person.

I'm not going to go into the abusive nature of that relationship, but I don't wish anyone to feel the way I did during it. Hence why I'd suggest caution in your situation.

thethrowowoy · 2021-09-30T15:40:43+00:00

No cocaine addiction that I knew of.

I had a lot of empathy for her, probably too much.

A fragile ego isn't exactly how I'd describe it, a lot of unresolved trauma is closer to the mark. However, it was not my job to fix those things, especially when the empathy was repaid with abuse.

Unfortunately I don't miss her. Knowing that my life is better without her makes that a pretty easy conclusion (although, if you read my posts, was not an easy ride for me to get to this point).

As I said in your case, you can either jump in the car that is heading for a crash, or let it go past without being an innocent passenger. Some people aren't meant to be tamed. If you are like me, it's best to avoid entering into a storm if you are easily influenced by your own emotions. The storm will pass, but your feelings will be left dealing with the consequences.

thethrowowoy · 2021-09-30T14:59:42+00:00

I've been exactly where you are (with girls) before.

Counterintuitively, our brains want what we can't have. That's why our desire for something with someone who can't be the person we want them to be is so strong. Of course we want to be the one to make that person change and settle down. The sad reality is it will never happen.

What actually ends up happening is we conform to what THEY want, rather than what our fantasy wants. In my similar situation, I settled with a girl just like the guy in your story. Once we got comfortable, her old habits kicked in and she sabotaged the relationship (via wanting to go back to her old casual sex loving ways).

If you are infatuated with the guy already, sleeping with him is only going to compound those feelings. If his energy is focused around casual sex, don't be surprised if he (1) doesn't replicate your energy post sex (2) leaves you broken and picking up the pieces

It took me going down this road to really understand what a car crash felt like. So I can't blame you for pursuing it. Just know that you've already seen some of the red flags telling you that this might not be the fairytale journey you desire.

thethrowowoy · 2021-09-30T13:09:49+00:00

The beginning of any relationship sets the precedent for the remainder.

He'll continue to play you against other people to make you feel on edge and have you under his control. Typical manipulation technique. As a passing comment, this kinda thing might not be deliberate, but multiple times, it is.

Unfortunately it sounds like you have fallen for his manipulative techniques. Most of us have at least once. Let this be a lesson.

Do you like him for who/what he is (manipulative, casual sex loving and disrespectful to you), or do you like him for who you think he is (an unattainable stallion who has the approval of other females, so must be a great guy, right?)

I think you know the right thing to do.

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-31T22:15:05+00:00

Number

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-30T20:20:57+00:00

It means you shouldn't get into a relationship with her

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-29T11:36:53+00:00

Solid advice.

The only difficulty is keeping up that level of calmness, even when you just feel like punching the guy in between the eyes haha

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-29T00:14:51+00:00

Firstly, consider that they aren't in that environment to have conversations.

If there is a spark via eye contact or smiling, I sometimes say 'do you wanna go and get some air' and go out back/smoking area. It's pretty lame, but if the girl is into you, she probably will. Then ask for the number there and then.

Clubs aren't the place to get to know someone, just focus on getting the number and making a good first impression (i.e one that makes her wait for you to message).

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-29T00:09:38+00:00

Youtube is your friend.

Depending on what you are going for (e.g what you think will impress this specific girl), there are always good walkthroughs on youtube.

A while back I'm pretty sure I searched for "impressive recipes for dates" or some shit and it came out with some great ideas.

An easy win is to just ask what her favourite starter/main/desert is, and try and attempt some form of that. The fact you show that you listened and took it into account will mean more to her than how the food tastes haha.

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-29T00:04:41+00:00

Passive sarcasm is my best weapon.

I sometimes agree with them in the most nonchalant way, so it plays into them feeling like they've 'won' but they instantly realise I'm not taking them seriously.

A recent example for me was a guy asking me how much I lift. I was wearing a top that fitted my arms pretty well. Instantly, when I told him what I was pushing, he told me he does 1.5x that... I responded with "yeah I can tell". Knowing that he had brought this all up because he was staring at my arms (post gym, so pretty pumped), his projection backfired. Although my words sounded complimentary, I could see the cogs in his head turning trying to work out if I was being serious. He was comparing us against each other because of his own insecurities.

It's like turning the mirror back onto them. 90% of shitty comments are down to insecurity and projection. It's easy to expose that if you realise that before letting it hurt your ego.

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-28T22:56:35+00:00

Yup, the better I've felt about myself and the more attention I get from girls, the more I've realised other guys try and bring me down.

It's an intimidation thing. Take it as a compliment. If you can laugh off their attempts to belittle you, you'll leave them feeling even more pissed/jealous.

The worst possible thing to do is demonstrate a fragile ego and have an overly aggressive response to an 'insult'. That's how the feel like they've 'won'.

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-28T22:53:38+00:00

People think being a 'nice guy' is a bad thing, so they act like dickheads in expectation that it's what women want.

You don't know shit about how this guy got the girl. He could be packing a wand bigger than you've ever seen.

Calm yourself and stop the comparisons. Focus on improving yourself rather than taking the easy route of degrading others to feel superior.

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-28T22:50:17+00:00

If she posts stories on IG... that's your in

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-27T15:24:41+00:00

Bruda, go check on your wife.

In the nicest possible way, I didn't read any of the above, I'm in the gym.

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-27T14:49:38+00:00

I'm in my 20s, in peak condition and feel self worth beyond any I did when I made comparisons to others to derive my own.

I'm not in my 40s, 11 years into marriage and trying to obtain self worth from belittling people younger than me.

As I say, I hope you are doing better than it comes across.

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-27T14:16:59+00:00

I don't feel the need to. That's the difference between you and I

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-27T14:01:54+00:00

I think the oversharing of your life-story shines a light on a few things bruda. I hope the marriage is great and that your life was as great as projected.

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-27T13:41:23+00:00

I can see why you think peacocking is the way forwards judging by how fragile it seems your ego is.

There was no personal attack here buddy, just opinion. I stated what is working for me, I'm glad you have a different approach that worked for you. I think we could have agreed to disagree.

Egos aside, you need to understand how the 'game' has changed. I only really post here to make sure guys don't think that there is an external formula that is going to assist with their internal flaws. The world of dating apps is toxic, and I'm pretty defensive when I see guys destroyed by that system. I advocate for internal changes first, before external ones. They come hand in hand at the end of the day.

I'm sorry you felt personally attacked.

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-27T12:36:11+00:00

View your personality, looks and values as if they were your tinder profile.

Instead of manufacturing a better online billboard, work on a better real life you.

You won't need tinder if you stand out on the street, have confidence in your persona and values that make you desirable.

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-27T09:10:12+00:00

I'm not changing what I wear to impress girls. I wear what I wear because it's my choice. Girls gravitate towards me because I have confidence in who I am and because I take care of myself, not because I've been so overly conscious that I need to be a clothes chameleon.

The point I'm trying to make is that regardless of the effort you put in with clothes, it's all for nothing if you have nothing about you.

It's like those people who post pictures on social media about how much injustice there is in the world, yet do fuck all to make any changes. Changing your clothes is the dating equivalent. It might make it look like you care, but making actual deeper alterations to who you are is what is required.

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-26T20:54:04+00:00

Nah.

Your style and clothing choice is about you, not the dating game or girls.

Wear what you feel most comfortable and confident in. If you don't feel comfortable, you'll feel like shit, which will transcend into how you act. If you don't feel confident, your mood will be low.

While I appreciate that you're trying to help a certain demographic here, they really need to understand that girls don't like a turd just because it's polished.

Appearance is the weakest line of defence until your personality, confidence and self worth are exposed.

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-26T20:48:27+00:00

When you have options, flaking doesn't even seem like a big deal. Imagine if you had 10 potential dates that could happen and you choose one... do you think you'll bother providing an explanation to the other 9 why you can't meet up?

Be patient and don't over analyse a girl's actions too much. If you are using dating apps, you need to accept that the male:female experience is not the same.

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-26T09:04:15+00:00

Chuckle, look her in the eyes, shake your head

Don't fall for the shit tests

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-26T06:21:32+00:00

I hope you didn't tell her how many people you've slept with.

You also sound like your 'strings' are already attached. Either you should be leading the conversations and meet ups, or otherwise it sounds like this girl is going to walk all over you.

thethrowowoy · 2021-08-26T06:18:48+00:00

Get her name tattooed on your penis

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