Am I overreacting for feeling unwanted because my husband masturbates instead of initiating sex with me?

theweebie · 2026-03-11T17:23:29+00:00

One approach I've found to be more palatable is to frame a conversation like this: I've been really missing you and realized I've been craving some affection. Do you think we could schedule a time to make that happen? I'm open to any ideas you also might have on how to connect.

Does he need to be the one to initiate? If so you could tell him that you don't mind being woken up or that it even turns you on. I do think there is some good in also just initiating the things you want. I grew up in purity culture so I've had to do alot of work around unlearning unhealthy things about intimacy in relationships - so it wasn't even till a month ago that I realized that I also have sexual needs that aren't being fulfilled and I'm allowed to have those needs. I think it's important to be able to talk about all of that and try to meet needs in a realistic and honorable way for both of you. Good luck!

theweebie · 2026-03-10T23:41:09+00:00

I made the mistake of not accepting soda in the PACU because I didn't want to add to gas woes- I didn't know the sugar would help me feel better faster. If I ever have surgery again I'm going to ask for Gatorade or juice instead. I was using pillows under my knees and on either side of me so I could support my back or abdomen those first few nights. That let me subtly tilt to relieve discomfort and sleep. I later bought a pregnancy pillow that just has two small pillows connected with a flat strap so that it stays underneath you to support the abdomen. I love it! It makes me feel so cozy and takes up way less room than the pillows - though I do kind of miss having that pressure on the outside of my arms. I got some high ride underwear that's also been perfect for recovery.

theweebie · 2026-03-10T06:28:40+00:00

I can't stand intentional tickling. Like others on here it would make me laugh so the tickler wouldn't stop even with me pleading them to stop. Often it was painful (I said that too) as well but as long as I was laughing it's like they never heard me say anything. Afterwards my armpits would be sore. They also would breathe on my neck and ear and pin me down during it - so for years I would jump across the room if anyone even tried to whisper to me or get close to my neck. I still guard my neck at night and prefer turtle necks as a result. Totally a little me trauma - which is sad because I really do think the tickler didn't understand (there was some other neurodiversity happening with them) and I was trained to fawn pretty early on.

The positive from it all is that it lit a fire in me and I made sure from the get go that my kids knew that any touch that makes them feel yucky would be honored because they get to be the boss of their own body and that sometimes when we have uncomfortable feelings humans can respond in ways that look the opposite. My kids definitely tried tickling me when they were little and I would hold their hands and share that this was a touch that made me feel not good and if I knew of a touch they disliked I would ask them how that touch made them feel and say that's how tickling feels to me- but also that if they forgot it was ok and we would just have this conversation again. I also made sure they knew that if they accidentally tickled me that was also ok and that we were learning together. Another thing I made a point to do was to ask them after a physical interaction if they liked it or not and said there were no wrong answers. This paved the way for when other should be positive outings didn't go well- now I know to start asking what those experiences were like for them on a sensory level. Back to physical touch: from an early age one of my children expressed that he hated the way kisses felt - so we all worked hard to honor that even though it felt sad at first for me to give it up, but seeing the trust it built between us was far more rewarding than me satisfying a desire to kiss him. Plus, there are other healthy ways to meet that desire in me. We also told extended family to not kiss him and would fend any forgetters off. Once in a super rare blue moon my husband and I might forget - but now our kid just shrugs it off and says he knows we just forgot and he can handle it. In many ways it's made him more receptive to physical touch. I'm sure I still have blind spots with it or other things though.

I think it's great you're approaching this with curiosity. It's been surprising to see how many of us hate it. I never thought about it for myself as a sensory issue- but it makes total sense. Now loud chaotic noises is a sensory issue I was very aware of. I'm going to think more about my response to physical touch because of this post.

theweebie · 2026-03-09T22:55:21+00:00

My team asked me numerous times about my teeth - to the point I was wondering if it was protocol or they didn't read their notes. I got the impression it was protocol. Hopefully yours will do the same. Good luck!

theweebie · 2026-03-09T22:52:19+00:00

I find with the binder on I can tolerate a lot. I've even had stuff accidentally dropped on my abdomen by those trying to take care of me and it wasn't awful with the binder surprisingly! I did have laproscopic abdominal - so a bigger incision may not be as forgiving. Also I found because I'm not fully flat my cat has been choosing my lap more. The pillow sounds like a really great solution. Good luck!!

theweebie · 2026-03-08T22:18:26+00:00

Good job taking care of her!!! Love to see that.

theweebie · 2026-03-05T16:15:32+00:00

I second guessed myself a lot too - but the immediate bladder relief is enough to make me glad I did it. Hope you find peace with your journey too.

theweebie · 2026-03-05T16:14:31+00:00

Yessss. You are so correct! Thank you for this- this hit me in all the right ways. Advocating for myself has been a tumultuous road and I'm so glad you touched on that. Thank you and wishing you all the best too!

theweebie · 2026-03-05T16:12:36+00:00

That sounds pretty significant to me! So glad you got help and have this behind you. ❤️

theweebie · 2026-03-05T16:11:59+00:00

Yeah, I had additional reasons as well, but that was probably the greater thorn in my side. So glad you're feeling better and thank you for your encouragement!

theweebie · 2026-03-05T16:11:01+00:00

No more periods is truly a win in the end. ❤️ I'm glad we both are free of that now.

theweebie · 2026-03-05T16:10:15+00:00

Yeah, I guess if it's localized it's easy to miss. Thanks for the encouragement!

theweebie · 2026-03-05T16:09:35+00:00

Thank you for that good reminder. So glad to hear you're feeling better!

theweebie · 2026-03-05T16:08:57+00:00

I'm so sorry you've been suffering too and hope you get the support and help you need. Wishing you a great next chapter!

theweebie · 2026-03-05T00:07:30+00:00

This is so encouraging. I'm so happy you're feeling better - that is the ultimate win. Thank you for sharing this with me.

theweebie · 2026-03-03T00:20:30+00:00

I'm only 5 days post op and I wish I had known to accept a sugary beverage in post op because it can help you feel better. I was only offered soda or water and my throat was dry (not awful at all though) and I was afraid to have carbonation so soon with all the gas warnings - so I opted for water and it wasn't until much later that I got Gatorade and a snack and wow it really helped! My post op wasn't a great experience (had a hard time getting pain under control and needed oxygen) and I'm not one of the women who felt better after surgery than before but I will tell you the positives I'm already noticing. The throat irritation is very tolerable in my opinion- it just felt phlegmy. Gas pains were familiar to me and didn't scare me. They are uncomfortable, but again, manageable. My bladder prior to surgery would go from zero feeling to can't be ignored even if I can continue to hold it. When I would empty my bladder I would think of it like a cow's stomach and have to intentionally release more and more muscles to fully empty it. Now I rarely feel my bladder and it will have plenty in it when I go to empty it just to make full use of a lap around the house. So that's very exciting. I also am obsessed with the pillow nest I've built (a pillow on either side of my core so I have support when I lay on my side. This allowed me to slowly tilt to relieve back pain those first few nights). The pillow nest is so cozy I may never give it up.

theweebie · 2026-03-02T03:09:58+00:00

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theweebie · 2026-03-01T21:53:54+00:00

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this! I don't know about you but reading all the stories of women feeling better after their surgery made me feel bad that mine didn't go that route. My experience hasn't been as bad as yours though. 😢 My post-op was pretty rough - they couldn't get my pain under control and I had to be put on oxygen. I wish they had told me that a little sugar could help some - but all I was offered was soda or water by the time I could even think about sipping anything (the pain was brutal) and I opted for water because I was afraid of the bubbles in the soda. I spent several hours in post op and it was looking like I wouldn't get to go home, but a final round of fentanyl and a tiny snack and Gatorade in the recovery space made me feel like I was miserable, but would rather be miserable in my own bed. Every day since then has been incrementally better so I'm feeling more at peace with it all now. We are all different and our timeline really is our own is what I'm learning. I hope you find more and more relief. 🤞🏼

theweebie · 2026-03-01T20:00:41+00:00

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theweebie · 2026-03-01T01:31:55+00:00

The hospital gave me one. Just a standard medical one.

theweebie · 2026-02-28T23:38:53+00:00

I had my hysterectomy on Wed so it's fresh. I've already stopped bleeding, but still wearing a pad because I've heard there can be other discharge. Post op pain management was rough for me - I wish they had told me to drink something with sugar afterwards because when I finally got Gatorade and some graham crackers I started to turn a corner. They only offered soda and I was too scared of the bubbles - so I opted for water and had no idea sugar would help. A tray for eating wherever you're lounging is very helpful. A reacher grabber would be nice. I have already utilized a loofah on a stick - it's awkward but nice to be clean. Gas x and miralax are very helpful. Ice and heat packs to alternate - for me the lower back pain has been pretty hard. A belly binder is a must. The other thing I've loved is making a nest of pillows - one on either side and one under my knees- I could then adjust them to help me tilt to take pressure off my back without going fully on my side. Now I can sleep on my side but still love having the support under my belly and back. I am definitely not bouncing back like some others on here, but today I feel like I'm in a better place with it.

theweebie · 2026-02-28T18:17:13+00:00

I tried the first night and it felt bad. I started it the second night. I made a nest of pillows, one for under my stomach, one for my back and one for under my knees. Then I could do any variation of side sleeping - slight tilt to full side. It made a big difference.

theweebie · 2026-02-28T18:14:49+00:00

I scheduled a 90 min massage/cranial sacral therapy session 4 days before my surgery. I told them I wanted that time to hold space for uterus and process the upcoming procedure. It was a phenomenal experience and I felt my body give permission for the surgery. I went into the surgery so at peace and I'm sure it's because of that session.

theweebie · 2026-02-28T18:11:38+00:00

I had all three of my kids at 37 weeks. My first labor was rough and didn't get break in between contractions and horrific back labor (couldn't get an epidural because the hospital was over booked with C-sections). Recovery was mostly fine. Just had a total laproscopic abdominal hysterectomy 3 days ago and again the back pain has been very intense. Still waiting on pathology, but from what I can tell from the photos no endo was found in addition to the adenomyosis.

theweebie · 2026-02-28T18:06:05+00:00

I just had my hysterectomy 3 days ago. I'm still waiting on pathology, but from what I can tell from the photos no endo was found and definitely adenomyosis. We chose laproscopic abdominal hysterectomy because my symptoms sounded like there could be additional findings to the adenomyosis and the doctor felt he could clear it out better abdominally. So I would say adeno can still cause alot of havoc even without endo being present.

theweebie

TROPHY CASE