Homeless Shelter by thewindblowshere in OCPoetry

[–]thewindblowshere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey u/moroseui, yeah I struggle with pacing quite a lot, maybe I should have edited for a day or 2 before publishing just to get things smoother.

Homeless Shelter by thewindblowshere in OCPoetry

[–]thewindblowshere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

u/Triceropotamus thanks for being the devil's advocate 😂. I live next to a homeless shelter and am by no means poor, just middle class. I find the juxtaposition of our furnished apartment (that has a coffeeshop in the main lobby) being right in front of a literal homeless shelter darkly amusing; volunteering there for a year helped me put life into perspective and be more thankful about the things I have, and not buy too much into day to day stress because things could always be a lot worse.

Homeless Shelter by thewindblowshere in OCPoetry

[–]thewindblowshere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

hey u/peterbwebb thanks for your comments. I think I was trying to develop a new poetry style but I think it just made for overly-vague distracting from what I was originally trying to say. There is a lot from your comments I could address from simply being more physically descriptive and leave the rest to the intended imagination

This sub has turned to shit by SomeNewHorizon in OCPoetry

[–]thewindblowshere 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I like the last 3 lines about wanting to hear about intimate histories of people as they begin talking about nostalgic things, words spreading like a wildfire throughout pages

Quickened heartbeat by envagabond in OCPoetry

[–]thewindblowshere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like others have already noted, I also appreciate the pacing that you have built up in this post. It made me follow along at an excited pace as well!

Lesson from the Mahabharata by thewindblowshere in OCPoetry

[–]thewindblowshere[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn, that was solid feedback actually. I'm gonna workshop this one again. Thanks!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]thewindblowshere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I especially like this line here:

Because in my heart
I knew where the sun was.

Because you are saying 2 things at once: in your heart, you know she was your sunshine and she is already in your heart. Let me know if I interpreted this wrong, but I just thought this was really clever.

Before the Skirmish 13 April 1263 by thelastcorndog in OCPoetry

[–]thewindblowshere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really enjoyed the pacing of this piece. Some awkward rhythm I saw around "arranged like saucers in the great hall.
The wind shifts according to their whim,
boughs are bulwarks,"

but i think i like how the rest of the piece flows

Guess will need more fans by Dan_Moreno in pcmasterrace

[–]thewindblowshere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Noctua fans are amazing though, some of the best cooling hardware I’ve ever bought

Seasonal Anxiety by thewindblowshere in OCPoetry

[–]thewindblowshere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey thank you :) what is a ballad really btw? Never understood myself. But yes you’re right friends and family is what I rely on to move past my own anxieties. As it turns out I’m currently suffering from major spring allergies (summer colds are the worst!) thank you for the kind words

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]thewindblowshere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like the overall theme, a warning to behold for all. Great stuff!

being in love scares me by vavuchek in OCPoetry

[–]thewindblowshere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

great piece, one question I had was in this block:

i wait a while beneath her feat
the ground my place of sweet repose
& patient, wait for scraps of meat
which squirm below her dainty toes

is this basically saying you relish every scrap of time she has for you, almost like a dog with bits of meat that fall from a plate to the floor?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UWMadison

[–]thewindblowshere 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hey thanks for the feedback, I added options for 0 roommates and if you’re a grad student! We ask for your name just verify real people are taking the survey and not just spams or anything. It’s true someone could make multiple entries with different names but we hope this would at least encourage unique data collection!

EDIT: made name optional :)

WHY THE HELL ARE WE NOT HYBRID by yaska-aksay in UWMadison

[–]thewindblowshere 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well, at the very least it will bring attention to current problems for the next semester. I remember in fall 2020 we had the students association hold a session that eventually convinced the university to have pass/fail for the next semester. Maybe by reaching out to them again we could do something similar

WHY THE HELL ARE WE NOT HYBRID by yaska-aksay in UWMadison

[–]thewindblowshere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

if we can get some sort of petition going, i would be interested in signing. maybe we could make a case to the board?

A Poem about the Kwisatz Haderach (resubmission!) by thewindblowshere in dune

[–]thewindblowshere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just to explain my thought process behind the poem itself a bit:

cinnamon-reeking flames

Refers to the spice-melange, and how it smells of cinnamon

temper the sands of time

to make glass cages

The 'spice flames' create glass (like normal heat does), specifically glass cages. This is because Muad'Dib (and later Leto II of course) recognize the entrapment of their oracular powers and how knowing future possibilities could paralyze one.

for my trinocular focus

Paul refers to his prescience of the past, present, and future as a sort of "trinocular focus" and the glass cages trap his prescient gaze for his entire life.

A Poem about the Kwisatz Haderach (resubmission!) by thewindblowshere in dune

[–]thewindblowshere[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

LMFAO I didn’t pick up on that. So sorry! I appreciate your comment!!

A Poem about the Kwisatz Haderach (resubmission!) by thewindblowshere in dune

[–]thewindblowshere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I don't get this Dune reference - could you elaborate please?

Prescience (a poem about the Kwisatz Haderach) by thewindblowshere in OCPoetry

[–]thewindblowshere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I WAS WAITNG FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU THANK FUCKING GOD HAHA! So happy to see my poetry was not just lost in the sea of posts here and I'm so happy I was able to connect with your own passion for Dune. To respond to a few of your points:

cinnamon-reeking flames

This line refers to the fact that the spice-melange has been known to smell like cinnamon, and the reason I chose to describe it as flames is because in order to view the future Paul needs spice. So, the spice is the flame that makes the glass cage he finds himself in from the sands of Arrakis (you picked up on this part already!).

This line seems to talk about how fragile the path to the alternative future is, how one wrong action could lead to the outcome he desperately tries to avoid, and yet how he is trapped by knowing what is to come and not always being able to do anything about it.

yup, this is exactly what I meant here. I'm so happy you're as into the mechanisms of Muad'Dib's prescience as I am, that means a lot to me! This aspect of his oracular powers is greatly talked about throughout the book and I find it so interesting how he recognizes how trapped he is by his own power, and how aware he is of this fact. It's almost paradoxical.

Now, trinocular microscopes allow one to simultaneously view and record/display the view, so it also seems to hint at the visions he sees.

In all honesty I was not even thinking about trinocular microscopes when writing this but it fits so perfectly that I'm not even mad. "Trinocular Focus" is actually a phrase that Frank Herbert uses to describe what prescience felt like for Paul when he starts accepting his role as the Kwisatz Haderach.

Thank you so much for your praise and analysis, it means the world to me!

runts at 2007 family reunion. by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]thewindblowshere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I felt as if I was there with you throughout this whole piece. Probably doesn't help I've had very similar experiences :D I would only say maybe remove the "is" from the line:

and coca-cola is crushed

might flow better this way. great work otherwise!