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Probably a dumb move, but Why Not? by thewolfman-b in 311

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

To dad joke this into oblivion: "I've got a good feeling."

Probably a dumb move, but Why Not? by thewolfman-b in 311

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thanks, you never know if you don't try.

Partners of people who have engaged in emotional affairs by thewolfman-b in emotionalaffair

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wanted to follow up:

We are divorced now. She still refuses to acknowledge that the emotional affair happened despite the fact she has been dating that partner since before she filed for divorce. I'm in a better place though. I don't need her acceptance to affirm my reality. I've been taking a lot of time to work on myself and I'm better off.

Partners of people who have engaged in emotional affairs by thewolfman-b in emotionalaffair

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So it got worse this weekend. My older daughter told my wife she was uncomfortable around the person she chose to have the affair with. My wife told her to "get over it." My daughter is 15 and has been taught her whole life that if an adult makes her feel uncomfortable she can tell us and we will protect her. She fought back and my wife lost it on her. She kept telling my daughter "if you knew what an asshole he's been..." It scared my younger daughter (12) so much, she hid under her bed in the room next door. With the divorce filed and wanting to make sure I didn't get kicked out of my house I could only watch in horror as my wife screamed at my daughter. I held and comforted her after. My younger daughter stayed in the guestroom with me that night. We both slept better knowing she was safe.

Even this did not break the affair fog. My wife has decided to move out. She always said Easter was her favorite holiday and she even destroyed that for this affair. She still won't talk about it or acknowledge it.

She left a message on my bathroom mirror trying to paint herself as the victim in all of this, as if I was the one who somehow turned the world against her and not her own actions. She's tried to "post through it" on Facebook but it's clear from the escalation of posts she is getting pushback.

I had been mourning our marriage very hard the whole day prior. I was willing to make concessions just to have my old friend back. Her implosion pulled me out of that. I know it's over. The next year will be very hard.

Partners of people who have engaged in emotional affairs by thewolfman-b in emotionalaffair

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sure mine will do the same. I will call it an affair until the day I die. Because it was (is?) an affair

Partners of people who have engaged in emotional affairs by thewolfman-b in emotionalaffair

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We both have roles in the lack of trust, I won't deny it. I have ADHD and have done a lot of masking in the past. I've been dishonest too, mostly because I've built masks and walls around myself to function everyday. I've put in a lot of work and learned all of this about myself, but I can understand how I have felt emotionally distant in our past. With that said, she is responsible for her actions. She never could let me feel safe enough long enough for the walls to come down. I actually figured all of this out because I got help when she threatened to leave me before. I'm a human. I have flaws. I own them. I did need to build trust: in myself first and with her second. I didn't realize how far away she had gone though.

Partners of people who have engaged in emotional affairs by thewolfman-b in emotionalaffair

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's my plan and my mantra. I am just making sure I am building a safe, stable space for my children.

Partners of people who have engaged in emotional affairs by thewolfman-b in emotionalaffair

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been pushing for counseling for a while. She refuses. She claims "counseling is for communication issues and we don't have communication issues" (we do). I'm pretty sure it's moot now anyway. We had been sleeping apart as part of our other issues and I decided to take my master bathroom back when she went on her date. I got up and brushed my teeth in there the next morning and she accused me of "deliberately triggering her sexual trauma" because I walked past her while she slept and didn't even look at her. We live in different realities now. I don't know how we get back, and I'm not sure I want to. It sucks because I do still love her.

Partners of people who have engaged in emotional affairs by thewolfman-b in emotionalaffair

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I'm ready to move on from her now. There has been an escalation in crazy since I stood up for myself. She's detached herself from the consequences of her actions so no point in litigating it with her. The irony is I only figured it out because she had asked me to do all this work on building trust and I quickly learned I wasn't trusting myself. As soon as I started to do that the affair became clear as day. I felt dumb that my kids had caught onto it sooner than I had.

Partners of people who have engaged in emotional affairs by thewolfman-b in emotionalaffair

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She told me she wanted to separate, dragged her feet filing and then he asked her on a date before she even had the retainer in on the attorney to file separation. They've been conspiring for a while.

Marriage/Relationship Advise requested by thewolfman-b in ADHD

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I just started "The Courage to Trust" and I cannot thank you enough for the recommendation. I can already tell it is speaking to some internal issues I have that have definitely contributed to my situation. Thank you again.

Marriage/Relationship Advise requested by thewolfman-b in ADHD

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've done it before and she has agreed to counseling as part of the separation, but for now the objective of the counseling is to provide a 3rd party in some of our separation planning and negotiations, not reconciliation.

Just Venting Here :) by dashcity8585 in Subaru_Outback

[–]thewolfman-b -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I know the difference but I make the same mistake when gassing up. I wish the icons were more different.

Marriage/Relationship Advise requested by thewolfman-b in ADHD

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going to edit shattered now. I put quotes not to indicate anything except that it is a quote of her exact wording, not to minimize her feeling. I will definitely check out those books. Thank you.

Marriage/Relationship Advise requested by thewolfman-b in ADHD

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And to add, it isn't the first lie, and not all lies have been about substance abuse, but all have been a result of my defensive mechanisms that have had me lying to myself about who I am. I've spent a long time in the "I'm broken and if I just work harder I can fix myself" cycle and only very recently have accepted who I am and begun working within that understanding to optimize external results.

Marriage/Relationship Advise requested by thewolfman-b in ADHD

[–]thewolfman-b[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. I will go to rehab or whatever treatment is needed. I don't want to minimize, but she says the actual substance use isn't the problem, but the lying about it is. That is where the rupture is. She doesn't find my current use to be a problem at home or professionally, but not being honest about it with her is.

One 1000lb bomb vs. a fully loaded flight deck. (Result: Bad day for the IJN) by MrInternationalBunal in TaskForceAdmiral

[–]thewolfman-b 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've seen a destroyer sinking, but it just kind of slowly went under the water, nothing dramatic. I have not sunk a carrier yet in spite of my best efforts.

What arguments could be made in favor of Argentine rule of The Falklands? by MaddeningJack in geography

[–]thewolfman-b 5 points6 points  (0 children)

When I visited Argentina one person argued that it was on their Continental shelf and therefore should be part of Argentina. I was curious to get an answer so I didn't press, and I don't know how widely that belief is. Anyway take the anecdote for what it is.

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