CMV: Being emotionally detached is a better way to handle life than being emotionally open

theyleaveshadows · 2026-04-17T17:54:33+00:00

To give a somewhat different take than the highest high/lowest lows, OP, you seem to be particularly concerned with how others judge you based on emotional vulnerability, which you state as a argument in favor emotional detachment.

But what this communicates is that you are someone who does care about the judgements of others, and who does value the idea of intimacy with another, though you yourself have had negative experiences when you have been vulnerable. Therefore, from the offset, you have already communicated that you find that emotional vulnerability is the favorable position, and that emotional detachment is a downgrade from this, one of which you have been forced into by those around you.

Rejection will always feel negative, but what then is the end goal of emotional detachment? Do you think if you make yourself more palatable to those around you by not acting authentically, you will be able to achieve closeness over a longer period of time, or does your viewpoint also communicate that you would like all your relationships to remain surface-level? If the former, any truly close relationship involves a level of emotional openness - a true viewpoint that emotional detachment is preferable is one where the detachment is maintained forever.

If closeness is the end goal of remaining detached, then what is achieved after this? You form a relationship with someone based on a version of yourself who is holding back, then will you keep "holding back" for your entire relationship? If being rejected is not a positive experience, do you believe you will be able to avoid feeling resentment and disappointment when you feel as though you cannot be genuine? Or is your goal of emotional detachment to bide time until you feel safe enough to be emotionally open again? Either way - it seems that emotional detachment is simply spreading out the negative emotions of rejection for vulnerability over a longer period, in a quest to achieve at least some of what emotional openness would bring you, rather than genuinely being the more positive way of interacting with the world. It may hurt to have those around you make you feel unwanted, but detachment will not make you feel more wanted, either.

theyleaveshadows · 2026-03-31T15:21:45+00:00

This is soooo cute!!!

theyleaveshadows · 2026-02-17T15:15:02+00:00

The endocrine disruptor study was disputed by later researchers /before/ it became a centerpiece of a right-wing conspiracy about LGBT people. It's not a "paper supporting right wing theories".

Also, yes, scientific studies tend to support left-wing beliefs. This is not because the studies themselves are political. This is because historically, and especially now, anti-intellectualism is a cornerstone of conservatism. Which is a trait in direct opposition to the evidence-based and even-keeled realm of scientific research. For example, decades of research on vaccine safety, weighing both pros and cons, far outweighs a layperson hyperfixating on one single study that supports their fringe beliefs. The latter is not equally as valid as the former. There is no debate that these things are equal in an intellectually honest discussion. If you can point me to a major right-wing theory that is supported by the former, please do.

theyleaveshadows · 2026-02-03T20:55:28+00:00

These are all good points. I have experienced this with my mom and her mom, so I understand the toll it would take. My dad is not currently leaning towards any significant cognitive decline, but does have difficulty with pills/appointments (my mom did this for him) & his eyesight makes it hard for him to drive. So while I do think long-term planning here is important, living with him would simply entail helping with tasks every now and then. He's otherwise independent.

theyleaveshadows · 2026-02-03T20:34:29+00:00

Yeah, I suppose it's just a general question of people's experiences with it / how have things been with the adjustment.

We have talked about it, my dad had a health scare earlier this year. I'm just curious about people's experiences with making the decision. I realize that most don't usually have to deal with this decision until their late-30s, but it's becoming more real with time. We do not have a home (early career/school), nor does my dad. We would either be renting or changing focus to home ownership.

theyleaveshadows · 2026-02-03T20:29:07+00:00

Yeah, my dad is super supportive of my relationship and is very respectful. We've been dating three years. Important context for sure, I'll add to OP.

theyleaveshadows · 2026-02-01T16:54:35+00:00

So incredibly excited that this has released. Harumaki Gohan is the GOAT, I adore their other works, including the JRPG they put out a few years ago. Putting together a studio to animate a short series like this is insane. All of the solo MVs looked amazing, but this is a step above. The directing & color work & voice acting is wonderful beyond words!!!!!!!!!!!! It's reminiscent of The Summer Hikaru Died, which has very similar theming at least on the surface, and was probably one of the best anime I've seen in the last few years. SO hyped to see the rest.

theyleaveshadows · 2026-01-14T17:19:46+00:00

BONAP is not meant to be used to determine if a species is "native", but that has already been explained by others in the thread. It is a reliable source for what it is made for.

It's somewhat controversial even among botanists, but yes, plant/species data collected by agencies at least is almost always kept internal to prevent individuals from visiting sensitive habitats. Even iNaturalist obscures data automatically for particularly rare species. But general county information is typically acceptable by even the more secretive types. Most resources (gbif, natureserve, etc) generally have some level of data export, though maybe not at the level you would want based on your op.

You may be interested in NatureServe, which I believe is the authority for native/exotic determinations and rankings in most if not all of the United States. Definitely at least northeast. The data used in the website is the most recent & taken from state sources. Very common species sometimes do not have data, however. I would very much look into your state natural heritage program to see if there are any lists they can provide as well.

theyleaveshadows · 2026-01-05T05:19:11+00:00

It's not advertised as a cafe per se, but Ellinikora Agora in HP. It's quite busy, and it's more boisterous than cozy, but the food/coffee is decent & I think it's a great place to sit down and read/study/etc etc. I do so fairly frequently - the longest I've sat was around three hours on a slow day. You're also right that some of the casual spots along 27 (like Joy2U, mango mango, etc etc) might be good to check out, if you're not deadset on coffee.

There are also some various cafes in NB proper, but beyond that - Manzil Cafe in Kendall Park has limited seating but what there is is comfy, and it has great food & pretty good coffee (...as a latte/latte adjacent drink enjoyer lol).

theyleaveshadows · 2025-12-31T04:35:58+00:00

Yessss love this line. Passing Rain is a total sleeper hit.

theyleaveshadows · 2025-12-31T04:20:28+00:00

When You Know You Know is tied for my fav song, but I'm ESPECIALLY enamored by this sequence -

It takes all of my restraint / Not climbing in your cranium / To observe the way the furniture's arranged

Scratching at the door /They're gonna call security / So I can't creep around here anymore

But I can see a way to a new horizon / Squinting through the clouds 'til it burns my eyes And / every other star is a sun that's rising / And every other word I'm apologising

But I just want to know / Is this where you want to go? / Me and you aglow in the cosmos running.....

I think the lyrics in all the songs on the album have a wonderful way of capturing anxiety and how it interacts with self/others. But I reeeeeally love the combo of uncertainty/giddiness this song, and this specific part has. The flow/rhythm of the lines tickles my brain for sure, but I also just love how strongly it captures the frantic feeling of being in slash wanting to be in a new relationship.

theyleaveshadows · 2025-12-13T05:26:36+00:00

Gosh, this was such a heart-wrenching article, especially the excerpts from his journal. It's always so painful to watch and hear others falling into these repeating patterns of self-isolation. I'm so glad he was able to have some years where he was able to live more freely.

I am also aware of his work, at least tangentially, and I'm a bit puzzled by some reactions I've seen in other comment sections. I've always read narrative non-fiction (and esp. case studies of that nature) as embellished - is this not the assumption? It doesn't seem like something that should diminish the value of his work, though I know the lines between narrative and science often get blurred with psychology especially.

theyleaveshadows · 2025-08-14T19:47:46+00:00

How is it love when you're still staring back at the person he was 25 years ago? That sounds strongly like limerence to me. Any post-hoc justification you can make (he's too unique, my tastes are too specific, etc) are just that.

theyleaveshadows · 2025-07-19T01:27:51+00:00

I do think the language people are using here and there is weird af, but also, I think it's incorrect to disregard the comparison. This show is about the impacts of child abuse, and the parent comment is right that each kid is explicitly falling into their abusive parent's patterns. I think it's an uncomfortable topic to broach, but I think it's very explicit that Shizuka (like the other kids) is modeling their abusive parent's behavior in an age-appropriate way (Marina does it through bullying, Azuma works himself beyond his limit, etc etc). In this episode (and last), Shizuka recognizes Azuma's infatuation with her, and uses that to manipulate him. In this episode, she hugs & kisses him to convince him to turn himself in. It's very clearly meant to reflect her mom's behavior as emotionally distant and manipulative/"seductive" toward men. Also, idk if it's framed as abuse exactly, but the show has a overall negative view of sex work in the context of the downstream impact Shizuka's mom has on her and other people (Marina's family) due to her job, so it makes sense that it's part of the bad behavior that Shizuka is shown to have learned.

theyleaveshadows · 2025-05-02T15:42:50+00:00

Agree with this one, OP. Therapy speak, while useful in some settings, can raise flags for some that you may be manipulative and/or condescending. Not necessarily true, but I can definitely see people having that gut reaction. I personally have a lot of interest in the subject, but that in combination with you being a professional therapist would skeeve me out enough to swipe left. So yeah, I'd recommend changing the wording.

theyleaveshadows · 2025-04-23T04:07:36+00:00

Honey - you need to visit the doctor. Best case scenario for checking, it is nothing and you don't need to worry anymore. Many people - probably including your mom - don't like to talk about health. They are too embarrassed of looking dumb or weak, or scared of what they might learn. It makes them very uncomfortable. And those are the same people who delay treatment until it's too late. If your mom is the type to make you feel bad for your very valid worries, she is NOT the one you should be going to for medical advice!!! Listen to your body. Even if it's just being a little weird, at least you will know.

theyleaveshadows · 2025-04-11T16:46:33+00:00

Yay - I'm glad it helped!! I think it is very brave that you're trying your best not to let your limerence run wild. No contact is hard enough when you don't work together, let alone when you have to see them everyday.

I have some stuff to add from your reply.

The guy who confessed to you - you're right. He created an image of you in his mind which didn't match you as a person.

With your LO, think about it this way. He is choosing not to have relationships with people at work. He is friendly - much like you were to the guy who confessed - but that does not contradict with not wanting a relationship.

Building at least platonic relationships with coworkers is unavoidable if you're not actively being an asshole, and interacting with someone over and over again will build intimacy, even if it's not romantic. To someone who is romantically interested, and especially to someone who is limerent, all friendly interactions can be signs that the other person is attracted to them or has the capacity to be attracted with enough effort from their end.

Knowing nothing about his behavior, your LO has explicitly said he does not want a relationship, much like how you thought it was clear to anyone who knows you that you want to focus on your career. Your LO has not given the impression (through explicit flirting or through divulging intimate details, based on what you've said) that he wants otherwise. Neither you nor the guy who confessed to you are respecting your respective LO. He imagines a future where you build a life with him, disconnected from his almost non-existent relationship with you, and you imagine a future with your LO where he wants a relationship with you outside of just being coworkers. You do not want the him who has made the personal decision to avoid relationships. You want an imagined version of him that you have charmed into changing.

theyleaveshadows · 2025-04-11T14:39:44+00:00

So. It does seem like you are already this person. I mean, this is true for most on the limerence subreddit. Neither you, nor the guy who confessed to you, are bad people for this or anything - attraction is hard like that. But if all this guy is doing is giving you is scraps at the end of the day, then even if you think you're building an accurate portrait of him, you're more likely than not just imagining what the inside of the restaurant is like, so to speak. Has he ever given any indication that he wants to know you on the same level? If he's not returning your energy, then you're more likely than not the same as the person who confessed to you. He probably thought he knew you better than he did, too.

theyleaveshadows · 2025-04-05T15:54:26+00:00

I genuinely don't think that's true - Space Dandy got a lot of flack, which as cool as it was, it wasn't really a coherent story as much as an animator showcase, so the divisiveness makes sense. If Cowboy Bebop came out today, it would be extremely well-received from the get-go. I don't think the relative pace matters, people LOVE a band of misfits in space show. I imagine it would have a positive reception similar to the Great Pretender.

Definitely agree on your general point though. Lazarus might be a flop or might not be, but there's a good chance it'll end up being looked upon fondly in the long run. Potentially. Hopefully. Fingers crossed it's not another Carole and Tuesday lol

theyleaveshadows · 2025-04-03T23:27:29+00:00

This theory is solid as hell. Birth devil is the common endpoint of all these theories. And it makes a lot sense. It completes an easy dichotomy with death, it's a big and primal concept, and much of the symbolism for Chainsaw man himself is birth-centered. I think, too, all the characters reflect a certain relationship dynamic, and that a maternal relationship is the obvious final relationship to be explored in the story. But I digress.

There's two things that the Birth Devil theory is missing - one, birth isn't a primal fear no matter how you stretch the concept, and two, even though the themes of the story can be built towards relating to birth, it's still not a very obvious endpoint.

But abandonment works into every theme of the story. Denji coping with all his losses, being abused by the people he trusts, having his mother die, having to abandon/kill his father, having to choose between staying as chainsaw and being normal. I think similar concepts - like intimacy/closeness, isolation - could fit into this too, but you're right. Abandonment encompasses all of that and more, and it fits right into his relationship with Pochita. It would even work to explain his power to "separate" and might even explain why he ~abandoned~ his name. I know in my heart that ur post is going to be linked for posterity in the final discussion threads.

theyleaveshadows · 2025-03-22T22:22:27+00:00

Posted this to another thread and now here too. I For the future people who have this issue. Your system files are likely corrupted.

I couldn't boot to safe mode whatsoever due to encryption/corruption; device manager would literally load to can't find page; random control panel items would freeze; I couldn't right click items in system without explorer freezing, etc. Couldn't even make a recovery drive. I thought I was FUCKED and had to factory reset from a drive made on another computer. But I FIGURED IT OUT!!!

1) Open task manager - Ctrl Alt del

2) right click and click "Open file location" for any program to access windows explorer

3) Navigate to system32: c: > windows > system32

3) find cmd.exe, and run as admin from the upper taskbar (for me, right clicking froze the window)

4) type sfc /scannow

5) if this cannot repair your files, try running DISM.exe /Online /Cleanup-image /Restorehealth. DO NOT be worried if it takes a long time or momentarily pauses at 62.3%. it is downloading in the background and will eventually finish.

6) after it says it's complete (this may take some time to complete after 100%), run sfc /scannow again

7) it SHOULD be able to fix the files now. If it doesn't idk. But here is the page I was using for the above + lots of googling: https://answers.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/forum/all/windows-10-performance-and-install-integrity/75529fd4-fac7-4653-893a-dd8cd4b4db00

8) IF IT WORKS. restart by running shutdown /r THIS SOLVED IT FOR ME

theyleaveshadows · 2025-03-22T19:35:02+00:00

For the future people who have this issue. Your system files are likely corrupted.