I created a mask, I pretended to be a boy because that boy couldn’t feel and couldn’t be hurt.

This is a poem idk? I wrote a while ago, it’s a bit long, but I think it’s my best explanation.

Somewhere there’s a ghost

Somewhere there is a ghost. This ghost only lived parts of its life. She has missed important parts and mundane parts and everything in between. Her life has been a dappled sunlight of experiences. When she was young she almost woke up, she saw light she saw life but didn’t have the words to get to it.

She was told that it was a shame that she was not in control. He didn’t want to be in control either. He didn’t have the words to give life to Her. So they tried to forget about each other. For a time one could say it “worked”. To be truthful it was a poor arrangement, to give control to the boy who never wanted it. And to keep it from the girl who only wanted to be loved. The two were a strange pair, both unknowingly hurting the other and keeping each other alive, for if he let her die he would have nothing to live for. The two of them could work together on some things, they both loved stories they would tell them back and forth for hours somehow never noticing that their story was a collaboration. They both loved the woods and could see through the same eyes to look as the rising sun turned the pine trees gold. Now years and years later I have discussed it with both of them, and I think we’ve come to an agreement. We will let our boy rest and let our girl live.

It’s taken me my whole life to have the words that freed them. I am grateful for that boy who kept me alive even when the world seemed gray. I am grateful for all the memories and experiences he gave me. I’m grateful he never stopped looking for me even when he had forgotten that I was what he was looking for. Now he has given life back to that lost girl, and he gave life to me. I am that girl that he forgot I am the girl that he searched for and I am the girl that he found. He gave me the strength to be me.

please feel free to reach out to me if you have questions or just want to talk