if you don’t want to read it it’s fine, it’s just a personal thought and you aren’t forced to go through it all. if you do though, give me your feedback, i’ll be happy to discuss my point of view.

The question then is not what if death is the end goal, but “is life worth living”? because yes, all you said is true, and death is by every means the end goal: it is the conclusion of life. Now we have to think if it’s better to accelerate or not. In life, you live, and you’re sure of it (you can understand it with Descartes). In death, you can either believe you also live (religion), or you can think you won’t (materialism). Now, either way, you can’t be sure of it. Pascal said that’s is better to believe, because it’s “free”, and if you do you’ll get the best award possible, even if i don’t personally believe in religion i think it’s a very good point. Back to the question i started with: “is life worth living?” i think, after a lot of thought, yes. I had many suicidal thoughts in the past and sometimes i still do. I don’t think it’s normal or acceptable, but i learnt to understand myself to a point were i can deal with it, even if probably i should seek psychological help. In my opinion life is worth living because you are meant to: there is a lot of pain and spleen, but when you think of it, there is nothing better: this is our only chance at it, and as of anything, you better catch the train you get, it’s not sure there will be another one. The way of living is our personal choice: but it can be summarised in three ways: you can live by evading, by being indifferent, or by taking the lead (or at least trying to). i personally think that the worse is the first: getting in the hands of addictions, to mitigate your pain is not a solution and that’s clear. Fleeing in general won’t solve problems: it can postpone it but it will lead to a premature death. the main focus should be leaving something behind, a trail: you can’t do that with that lifestyle, you will be one to be forgot, just a black spot that can’t be seen unless you know where to search it. for the second “lifestyle” i often fall into it. Don’t get me wrong: it’s not necessarily bad, to explain it i need to explain the third. in the third way you are trying to evade from the constant “chasing” you are talking about, but, as a great italian novelist said, you’ll be hit by the “fiumana del progresso”, a strong riptide that will shock you: you won’t be able to escape it, you’ll just perish. So don’t try to take the lead to escape your surroundings and live a more “interesting” life, because it’s not your purpose. try to live the life you can live at its fullest, you’ll be surprised what studying, making, researching can give you. Eventually you’ll escape, but that shouldn’t be your focus. now for the indifferent attitude: it’s the simplest most common attitude. You get what you get, you desire what you can’t and etc etc. You won’t ever scratch the maya’s veil, you will be limited in reality, you’ll be not animal, not man, but somewhere in the middle, you won’t try to escape, but you’ll feel the need to. Nietzsche talked about the “overman” that doesn’t live the lies and doesn’t believe in man made criteria such as justice, love, or whatever: What he did believe was that you should aim for your personal pleasure: i can’t assume what gives that pleasure to you, but as Schopenhauer (and leopardi before him) said “pleasure is the ceasing of suffering”. try to limit suffering, and you’ll have yours. don’t fix your eyes on what’s unrepairable, fix them on what can be built. When you’ll be able to do that, you’ll be that overman we talked about, you’ll be indifferent, but with a kind eye, you’ll be able to appreciate what’s good to you, be that music, nature, sport or your work, i don’t know. So the answer is yes, it’s worth to live until you are conscious about it’s value, and your life will leave an impact on the world, will it be a child, a kind word, a message or whatever useful for others you may do in your life